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Real Programmers Don't Use PASCAL (1982)

76 pointsby BlackLambover 9 years ago

17 comments

baldfatover 9 years ago
This is a great sarcasm piece that seems timeless.<p>&quot;Real Programmers can write five-page-long DO loops without getting confused.&quot;<p>&quot;Real Programmers don&#x27;t need comments -- the code is obvious.&quot;<p>&quot;If you can&#x27;t do it in FORTRAN, do it in assembly language. If you can&#x27;t do it in assembly language, it isn&#x27;t worth doing.&quot;<p>&quot;At a funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying ``Poor George. And he almost had the sort routine working before the coronary.&#x27;&#x27;
huhtenbergover 9 years ago
&gt; <i>Compilers with array bounds checking (...) stifle creativity, (...) and make it impossible to modify the operating system code with negative subscripts.</i><p>Absolute classic. The words to live by.
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LukeShuover 9 years ago
This is the post referenced in the opening of The Story of Mel; which may also be of interest. <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.catb.org&#x2F;jargon&#x2F;html&#x2F;story-of-mel.html" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.catb.org&#x2F;jargon&#x2F;html&#x2F;story-of-mel.html</a>
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donatjover 9 years ago
One of the programs closest to my heart which I use multiple times a day, &quot;Beyond Compare&quot; is written in PASCAL, Delphi more specifically. I know very little about PASCAL, but I know that Beyond Compare is rock solid.
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squidfoodover 9 years ago
One irony is that modern Fortran is quite a nice language to work with. As long as you can just call, and don&#x27;t actually have to work on, all the &#x27;77 numerical libraries that the Real Programmers put together.
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aflinikover 9 years ago
Although it&#x27;s meant to be sarcastic, I believe it nicely exposes typical things developers used to argue about back then, not that different from modern arguments about JS vs compiled-to-js, elixir vs erlang, GC vs manual memory management, etc.<p>Anybody knows some more serious piece from those times that would show the actual arguments of, say, PASCAL opponents?
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octettaover 9 years ago
Already amused by the comments based only on the title but not on the content:<p>&quot;Real Commenters don&#x27;t read the contents&quot;.
angrycoderover 9 years ago
Was this written as satire back in 1982? Because it is great when read as satire.<p>As a real thing written by a real person, not so much.
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drostieover 9 years ago
Related: Real Men Don&#x27;t Play GURPS: <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.zipworld.com.au&#x2F;~hong&#x2F;dnd&#x2F;realmen.htm" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.zipworld.com.au&#x2F;~hong&#x2F;dnd&#x2F;realmen.htm</a> (slight trigger warning: the &quot;Real Men use swords to...&quot; list ends on a line which can be read as quite rapey, though I don&#x27;t think it was intended that way.)<p>(Note: it is a Windows-1292 document, correctly identified that way by a &lt;meta&gt; tag, which is incorrectly given a UTF-8 charset by a Content Type header. Therefore if the weird symbols are too distracting, you can save it to the hard drive and load it into a browser from there, and the symbols will resolve properly.)<p>It is worth reading for the line, &quot;If you can&#x27;t do it with a sword, do it with a fireball. If you can&#x27;t do it with a fireball, it isn&#x27;t worth doing.&quot;
bcrescimannoover 9 years ago
I immediately thought of Bret Victor&#x27;s wonderful talk on, &#x27;The Future of Programming&#x27;<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;watch?v=8pTEmbeENF4" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;watch?v=8pTEmbeENF4</a>
peterwwillisover 9 years ago
I am outraged by all this quiche-shaming.
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nickysielickiover 9 years ago
I&#x27;m surprised how well the letter &#x27;o&#x27; looks as a bullet point.
jhallenworldover 9 years ago
Real programmers should definitely try to use TECO. It can be described as a screen editor, but with no screen. Instead you need a good imagination.
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nijikoover 9 years ago
&gt;thcught<p>you almost got me c, you almost, got me.
batratover 9 years ago
I did 4 years in high school.
frozenportover 9 years ago
Today this is true for a more obvious reason; Pascal is legacy.
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adolgertover 9 years ago
&quot;Eating quiche&quot; used to be slang for a sexual act. It&#x27;s when the joke is most funny that we need to recognize mechanisms of exclusion.
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