TE
TechEcho
Home24h TopNewestBestAskShowJobs
GitHubTwitter
Home

TechEcho

A tech news platform built with Next.js, providing global tech news and discussions.

GitHubTwitter

Home

HomeNewestBestAskShowJobs

Resources

HackerNews APIOriginal HackerNewsNext.js

© 2025 TechEcho. All rights reserved.

Things men have actually said to me at tech events

155 pointsby colbyaleyover 9 years ago

29 comments

patcheudorover 9 years ago
My daughter has been going with me to DEF CON since she was eleven. She's 20 now and this year at DEF CON while she was hanging out at a party with our pen-test team an individual walked up and asked: "how much for the girl." I'm honestly very glad I wasn't there to hear that. This whole behavior is completely confusing. On what planet is that sort of behavior, even when inebriated even remotely acceptable? It's degrading, unprofessional, and frankly well beyond just being sexist. Maybe the guy just wanted to be punched in the face?
评论 #10378377 未加载
评论 #10377933 未加载
评论 #10377943 未加载
sanoliover 9 years ago
Everytime something like this comes up a portion of men will respond with either &quot;It&#x27;s a public place, people are free to look at and talk to strangers, etc&quot; or &quot;Men are like that, deal with it.&quot; Oh, and also the &quot;It&#x27;s no big deal&quot; rendered in so many ways. Here&#x27;s a mental exercize for all the men who think this way: You have to go to a conference, and the whole place is filled with big, muscular, thug-looking men. You walk around and you notice they&#x27;re all staring at you. Every now and then when you stop, one or two will approach you, and they will do it with <i>that</i> look in their eye. You know, like you&#x27;re their prison meat. So the huge thug comes up to you and starts some small talk, asks your name, what you do, if you&#x27;re there by yourself, and then, you know, he says you have a nice little ass, and wouldn&#x27;t you want to go there in the back with him. He&#x27;s just talking, you know, didn&#x27;t touch you or anything. Plus, it&#x27;s a public place. You&#x27;re just unconfortable because he is a huge guy, looks like a mma fighter, but, hey, he&#x27;s just talking to you, saying he wants to have sex with you. No big deal, right? You just deal with him and all the others and won&#x27;t make a fuss about this behavior, and I&#x27;m pretty sure you&#x27;ll attend all future conferences with a great mood and won&#x27;t think there&#x27;s anything wrong with all the thugs wanting to have sex with you. Thugs are like that. No big deal.
评论 #10378398 未加载
评论 #10378263 未加载
评论 #10378085 未加载
tomlockover 9 years ago
This article just plunged down the front page.<p>Calling out the jerks that think this isn&#x27;t relevant tech material. Bullshit. Tech culture is frequently mentioned. Articles about work-life balance don&#x27;t get downmodded this much.
评论 #10378090 未加载
评论 #10378073 未加载
评论 #10378074 未加载
评论 #10378045 未加载
latjover 9 years ago
Why is it wrong to ask someone if they are technical?<p>Programmers, engineers, scientists go to tech conferences to talk about work, projects, side interests. They dont want to get sucked into a sales pitch.<p>I especially dont understand why this would offend the author- the resume on her website implies that she actually is more of a marketing person &#x2F; copywriter than a technical person.
评论 #10378066 未加载
评论 #10377991 未加载
评论 #10377955 未加载
评论 #10378151 未加载
评论 #10377965 未加载
评论 #10377984 未加载
tomlockover 9 years ago
Something important to mention is that the author felt really supported when her co-workers called out bad behavior. If you haven&#x27;t already, maybe its time to have a discussion about how your coworkers feel about these issues, and if they have been effected. Make them know they are being listened to!
评论 #10377970 未加载
jordanpgover 9 years ago
On the other hand, I&#x27;ve worked with an astonishing number of men who live in a state of rather tortured denial of the outsize challenges women face in the workplace. I&#x27;ve even known a couple of women who deny it. It&#x27;s even more stupefying than those who insist that racism is a solved problem in America.<p>I&#x27;m not sure where it comes from. Personal experience, background must be important factors. But it strikes me as a fairly activist, difficult position to take. I think some of these folks think they are just fitting in by voicing denial and anger about patently obvious forms of sexism. A lot of it comes from political group identification, too.
评论 #10377919 未加载
评论 #10378200 未加载
interpol_pover 9 years ago
I work in a male-dominated office with only two women and have been trying to share these stories with my coworkers at every opportunity. I can see it <i>starting</i> to make a difference. Just the other day one of my male colleagues came up to me and said &quot;I can&#x27;t believe I used to think like that,&quot; referring to a comment where a man justified sexist behaviour by calling it &quot;normal.&quot; There is such a long road ahead of us.<p>If you&#x27;re looking for more stories of difficulties faced by women in tech, a previous colleague of mine wrote this account of her internships and university degree: <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;words.samipeachey.com.au&#x2F;?p=77" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;words.samipeachey.com.au&#x2F;?p=77</a>
评论 #10378053 未加载
sarciszewskiover 9 years ago
I always feel weird when I read (especially the comments on) stories like this. Hearing folks who assume that, if a woman is at a technical event, she is either incompetent, only there for the sake of her husband, or both, open their mouths is irritating enough to witness as an outsider; I can hardly imagine how annoying it must be to be the recipient of such baseless disrespect.<p>Hell, I almost incited a screaming match at my last job because one of my coworkers, who is a proud Republican, wouldn&#x27;t shut up about politics and his only criticism of Hillary Clinton wasn&#x27;t that her opinions would have negative consequences or her logic was poor, but because &quot;she&#x27;s got kankles&quot;. The only reason it didn&#x27;t escalate is because he ignored me. It still pisses me off to even recall how stupid this was.<p>Maybe I&#x27;ve been fortunate enough to know plenty of great people throughout the years, <i>not all of whom were men</i>, that exuded technical knowledge and practical wisdom.<p>How many infosec folks can, in the subject of cryptography, hold a candle to Dr. Tanja Lange?<p>How many PHP programmers can hope to even <i>approximate</i> the Herculean efforts of Andrea Faulds to make PHP 7 something great?<p>We didn&#x27;t get to where we are today, in terms of technological progress, because sexist ideas or behaviors have any merit.
leenyover 9 years ago
My personal favorite of the ones that I&#x27;ve gotten...<p>&quot;Normally, when a woman is dressed like that, I&#x27;m paying her to whip me.&quot;<p>(What I was wearing included but was not limited to a leather jacket and black shoes.)
评论 #10377942 未加载
nicolewhiteover 9 years ago
This is my experience as well. Often I&#x27;ll be the most knowledgeable person at our booth (for Neo4j) and people always look to my male coworkers when asking questions.<p>And one of my personal favorites: &quot;So I&#x27;m guessing you&#x27;re in marketing?&quot;
评论 #10378121 未加载
评论 #10378332 未加载
评论 #10378236 未加载
PhilWrightover 9 years ago
OP: Did you find that the age of the man made a difference?<p>So are older or younger men the worst offenders? I would like to think that older man are worse and the younger generation are more aware and less sexist. But maybe that is not the case.
blizkreegover 9 years ago
If male engineers had to endure similar stuff said to them, I wonder how they&#x27;d feel - &#x27;hey nerd&#x27;, &#x27;are you this socially awkward in every situation?&#x27;, &#x27;do you shower daily?&#x27;, &#x27;do you have any hobbies?&#x27;, and the list goes on.<p>OP: I&#x27;m happy that your good experiences outweigh the bad ones.
评论 #10377907 未加载
评论 #10377928 未加载
评论 #10378031 未加载
评论 #10377918 未加载
评论 #10377905 未加载
评论 #10377929 未加载
评论 #10378007 未加载
lxcidover 9 years ago
Here&#x27;s the part where I don&#x27;t get it. Doesn&#x27;t this happen to other industries, like banking, politic, entertainment, etc?<p>The framing it as “hey tech, we have a sexist problem” is making it sounds like there&#x27;s no sexist problem in other industry.<p>I&#x27;m not supportive of sexism in the industry, but when it is framed that way, a part of me just couldn&#x27;t bring myself to align with it.<p>We can say, hey sexism is a society issue but we tech industry can do better than others. We proud ourselves as the progressive front runner of civilization, so let&#x27;s make sure we show it.<p>If you remove [tech] from the title, this article will still make sense, doesn&#x27;t it?
mc32over 9 years ago
Just a point about &quot;taking pictures without my permission&quot;<p>In public spaces there are few restrictions against this (ex. military zones). In private spaces this can be regulated by the organizer, I believe, but that prohibition must be posted. This is how the &quot;street photography&quot; gender of photography can exist.<p>Now, to be fair, there are regulations against commercial use of photos from &quot;street photography&quot; without permission. There you can sue for compensation if your likeness was used to advertise and sell (selling a book with street photographs does not require permission, as that is not &quot;commercial use&quot;, that&#x27;s to say, it&#x27;s &quot;art&quot;)<p>It becomes an issue if the photographer videographer follows you and thus engages in harassment (in some jurisdictions).<p>Remember that videographer who taunted people at an outdoor restaurant. They had little recourse against him.
评论 #10377975 未加载
评论 #10377990 未加载
toolzover 9 years ago
Is this behavior worse than just being around a bunch of guys in general? I&#x27;m not condoning the behavior, but we&#x27;re all animals and sex is a thing - it gets the best of many of us and we end up acting like baboons. I&#x27;m curious if the tech industry is actually worse, because I would expect us to behave better considering we actually give it a voice and properly label it as negative behavior.
评论 #10377945 未加载
评论 #10377958 未加载
评论 #10377956 未加载
评论 #10377941 未加载
评论 #10390797 未加载
scintill76over 9 years ago
&gt; “He treated you so differently!” he said. “His whole tone changed!”<p>Depending on what was meant by &quot;tone&quot;, this could be due to very deeply-ingrained learned sociolinguistic customs. I don&#x27;t mean that justifies it, but it could be very subconscious, is not specific to &quot;tech&quot;, and seems much less offensive than some of the other examples.<p>To whatever extent men adopt a different tone when talking to women, it would probably take quite a lot of conscious concentration to control, and generations to eradicate (possibly never, if they can be picked up again by watching our contemporary media.) So, I guess it&#x27;s something to keep an eye on and fix where you can, but not so simple as eliminating stuff like &quot;They only let you work here ’cause you’re hot.&quot;<p>Edit: tl&#x2F;dr: If &quot;tone&quot; meant treating her like an idiot&#x2F;non-technical, bad. If it meant different pitch of voice and body language, not good per se but not that bad either.<p>P.S. Actually, maintaining gender-based differences might be desirable. Women probably don&#x27;t want to be treated exactly like &quot;one of the guys&quot;, right? Modifying your message and presentation based on your audience is a part of effective communication. If it&#x27;s offending your audience, change that, but maybe it&#x27;s not a bad starting position.
rattrayover 9 years ago
Thoughtfully written, concise, and helpful. Thanks!
vonklausover 9 years ago
As coding and technology become more prestigous it will draw in the top female talent that has been pulled into companies with much more societal respect. Below is a list of a few companies that were built by a female founder&#x2F;co-founder. The unpopular view that this &quot;problem&quot;, will fix itself, is somewhat true in my opinion. There will be a day when a list like the one below doesn&#x27;t exist, there will be a single one. Females (and everyone really) realize tech. is one of the most important components of the future and there are many shows&#x2F;movies&#x2F;media that reflect this societal change.<p>Until then, if you think the world would be better off with more woman in tech, help get young people excited about technology and entrepreneurship. The ecosystem is primarily men who started companies internet companies in the early days, which have splintered into tons of new ventures and startups largely comprised of people from those companies.<p>The list below are great companies (well, a couple have rough patches but what doesn&#x27;t) and there doesn&#x27;t need to be a qualifier like &quot;woman&quot; founded. Get out there and kill it, and if you are out there be civil and rational in your appraisal of others.<p>* Theranos, $9B Biotech<p>* Y COmbinator, &gt;$4B VC&#x2F;Tech<p>* Fanduel, ? Skill Based Wagers<p>* 23 &amp; Me, ? Genetics<p>* Kabam, ~$1B Gaming<p>* CloudFlare, ~$1B Cloud&#x2F;CDN<p>* NastyGal, ? Clothing
melindajbover 9 years ago
There are a certain percentage of the population who are just assholes.<p>Let&#x27;s assume for a moment that both men and women are assholes in equal proportion, that say 10% of the population of either gender are assholes.<p>For a 50 person company, 80% male: 40 men total 4 male assholes 10 women 1 woman asshole<p>Take that ratio up to 90% male as many tech conferences are: 45 men of those 45 men, 5 will be assholes, rounding up 5 women 1 woman asshole<p>In that scenario there actually the same number of male assholes as ALL of the women.<p>This is why changing the ratio of male and female matters.
评论 #10394964 未加载
nitwit005over 9 years ago
This suggests improving the ratio, but honestly, if the rate is genuinely 99% good and 1% bad, then the truth may be that you&#x27;re at a point where you won&#x27;t notice improvements.<p>Say we make a huge effort and halve the rate of such harassment. That&#x27;s a change from 99% good to 99.5% good. Will you notice the difference? Maybe, but it&#x27;s likely you won&#x27;t. You&#x27;re still guaranteed to have bad experiences at regular intervals if you go to tech events.
mchahnover 9 years ago
I was at at a conference recently (codeconf for github Atom) and I noticed there were a number of women (30%?). I commented to a women next to me that it was happy that there was such a good turnout of women. (I have been to many conferences where there were none). She said she was there representing women in technology and she did not give me a happy look. I thought it was an improvement.<p>One step at a time.
ashwinajover 9 years ago
I don&#x27;t understand why this is a tech industry issue? I can imagine this being a problem in all industries (esp. finance). Douchebags aren&#x27;t exclusive to the tech industry.
评论 #10378228 未加载
评论 #10378000 未加载
anotherevanover 9 years ago
Recollecting a few situations I’ve experiences in the workplace.<p>I remember in my first job out of uni (early 90s) our team was having lunch. I don’t remember the discussion that lead up to it, but one of my fellow male colleagues said there was no such thing as rape, because a women enjoy the sex anyway. The only woman at the table just got up and walked away.<p>I must admit I just completely froze. I was just stunned that someone said something so insanely ignorant. Being a shy young man at the time I really just didn’t know how to react. Afterwards I did go check that my female colleague was okay and express my disbelief at what happened.<p>That incident pretty much made me ready to believe any terrible story about male behaviour.<p>§<p>At a software vendor’s offices for two days of training on their product. Walking out of the training area, through the cubicle farm to use the washroom facilities up the back, and seeing explicit pornographic images being used as desktop wallpapers on employees’ computers.<p>§<p>One office I worked in, a female colleague had a beefcake photo as her desktop wallpaper. Although I felt this was as inappropriate as say, a male employee using a swimsuit photo, nothing was said, by me or anyone else.<p>§<p>At a conference, out getting coffee on a warm day and chatting with another attendee. Four young women in smart business attire, including reasonably tight skirts, walk past. This guy’s focus was completely lossed on the conversation, coffee, sunlight, or me smacking him in the back of the head, while he stared unblinkingly at these women until they went around the corner. Ugh. [1]<p>§<p>Another job working in the city, the building across the alleyway from us was an apartment building, and it appears several of the residents were young, nubile, not fully clothed and forget to close their curtains.<p>Was not uncommon to look up from my desk and see two or three guys standing at the window staring across. They were not actually licking the glass or otherwise being a nuisance, and being a visually oriented young man myself I understood the distraction it was. Still, I’ve always seem to have had more self control then my contemporaries. Perhaps I just have enough blood in my circulatory system to be able to power both brains at the same time.<p>§<p>Same job, Lotus Notes was used for email for the company. This had the feature of replication for offline access and such. Male colleague, who was sharing use of a loptop for email access with a female colleague when they were off-site at the customer’s office, turns to her and asks, “Do you want me to replicate your box?”<p>Absolutely innocent, but a contagious fit of uncontrolled giggles spread around those within earshot. Aside from an observation or two that the enquiry should probably have been phrased differently, nobody made any stupid follow-up comments, and everyone took it in good humour for the unintentional faux pas it was.<p>§<p>Last one, and my favourite. Dropping my librarian wife off at her workplace at the start of the day. The library had just opened and about ten or so people were drifting in. One of her colleagues was clearing the overnight returns chute when she exclaims at the top of her voice, “‘Fantastic Sex,’ I was looking for that last night!”<p>She looks up into the sudden silence were you could hear a pin drop, then goes, “The book! The book! Someone wanted the book!” while waving the titular tome.<p>§<p>[1] That conference was about the same time the “Shit people say to XXX” meme was doing the rounds of the internet. At the time I thought it would be funny to do a “Shit people say to programmers” version where every forth or fifth one was, “Can you fix my computer?”<p>I also thought one on “Shit programmers say to women” where it would just be five minutes of awkward guys staring at womens’ chests would be too distressingly realistic. Apropos?
frampover 9 years ago
This happens everywhere. Tech is nothing different.
zxcvcxzover 9 years ago
I don&#x27;t understand why the emphasis is on the tech community. If this were an automotive convention it would probably be worse. A hansom male at a beauty convention will likely be ogled by some of the women.<p>I also don&#x27;t understand why feminists rarely attack mass media like the shows they have on Fox and Comedy Central, which are probably much closer to the root cause of &quot;sexism&quot; seeing as they make it seem like casual sexism is okay.<p>It&#x27;s very hard to take the feminist seriously when their biggest enemy seems to be the 2% of pasty awkward nerds who happen to make a cultural faux pas. They weren&#x27;t born sexist. They&#x27;re victims of society. Blaming them is blaming the victim. Most of them probably have not had much interaction with the opposite sex and don&#x27;t even know how to initiate conversation.
评论 #10378024 未加载
评论 #10378094 未加载
评论 #10378736 未加载
评论 #10378051 未加载
colbyaleyover 9 years ago
Why is this getting downvoted by mods?
评论 #10378611 未加载
评论 #10378213 未加载
Simulacraover 9 years ago
Things women have actually said to me a tech events after I said hello: &quot;I have a boyfriend.&quot; &quot;Sorry, I&#x27;m waiting for someone.&quot; &quot;My husband will be here in a minute.&quot; -says nothing, pulls out her phone and pretends she didn&#x27;t hear me-
hitekkerover 9 years ago
Possible band aid: a webcam at each booth, recording the entire conference audio&#x2F;video, which will then managed by the convention&#x2F;conference organizers. If sexual harassement is noted, the person who was harassed can go to the organizers who can then review the recordings which they can then use as a rationale to blacklist that person at their conference (but not at all).<p>Reasons why this might not be a terrible idea:<p>1) It&#x27;s a public place and you are interacting, often times, with complete strangers. While I can&#x27;t speak for everyone, these social events make me be on my best behavior, which is conveniently the same behavior I would have if I were on camera.<p>2) By virtue of being handled by the conference organizers, one company won&#x27;t be singled out. One company recording people is strange, but an accepted practice by a third party would be far more forgivable.
评论 #10377899 未加载
bufover 9 years ago
If 99% of males are decent as the article describes, all this does is creates the illusion that all police officers are racist. It&#x27;s only news because it&#x27;s sensational.
评论 #10377910 未加载
评论 #10377896 未加载