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Why most public apologies suck

58 pointsby blakethorneover 9 years ago

14 comments

ghaffover 9 years ago
There was a good piece on public apologies by the media critic of Time, James Poniewozik, before he went to the New York Times:<p>&quot;Public apologies are different from, well, real ones. A real apology, between actual private humans, needs to demonstrate true remorse and learning on the part of the offender and needs to make the injured party feel better. But in a public apology, the apologizer, and maybe even the apologizee, is beside the point. The real point is the rest of us–the larger society, asserting the norms and changing boundaries of acceptable behavior… A calculated, self-interested apology at least tells the rest of the audience someone did something wrong, while the apologizer figures that out in his or her own time, if ever.&quot;<p><a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;entertainment.time.com&#x2F;2014&#x2F;02&#x2F;27&#x2F;defense-of-the-fake-apology&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;entertainment.time.com&#x2F;2014&#x2F;02&#x2F;27&#x2F;defense-of-the-fake...</a><p>On the other hand, there are situations where some group gets offended by some statement or action and the apologizer doesn&#x27;t really get the offense, and neither do a lot of other rational people, but the easiest path forward is to express a lack of intent to offend without actually apologizing.
endgameover 9 years ago
I loaded the page, started reading and the ENTIRE PAGE scrolled away as a giant &quot;Lessons In Startups&quot; mail-signup-modal rolled in from above. GO AWAY YOU SCOURGE OF THE INTERNET.
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jwise0over 9 years ago
A year or two ago, I came across the following post on teaching young kids how to apologize:<p><a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.cuppacocoa.com&#x2F;a-better-way-to-say-sorry&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.cuppacocoa.com&#x2F;a-better-way-to-say-sorry&#x2F;</a><p>The thing that struck me about it is that in the process of explaining the core of what makes a meaningful apology to children, it does a really nice job of reflecting where, exactly, most public (and, really, private!) apologies tend to fall down.<p>A good addition to this article.
thedevilover 9 years ago
This might get a negative response, but let me present a contrarian view: apologies aren&#x27;t always wise, even when you screw up and feel bad about it.<p>To explain with an example: I learned to dance salsa a few years ago. I wasn&#x27;t advanced, but I was pretty good. I was a favorite for many - I could dance with a beginner and make it smooth and fun.<p>At first, I apologized for a mistake even if it was the girls&#x27; fault. But if I apologized, the girl stopped following my lead and it would go pretty bad and there was nothing I could do to fix it.<p>I learned not to apologize until the partner had danced with me a couple times and learned to trust me. I suspect with public leaders, it&#x27;s much worse because most of their interactions are with people who don&#x27;t know them well.
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danielvfover 9 years ago
Probably the clearest cut public apology in recent times was Tiger Woods public statement in 2010.<p><a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;m.ajc.com&#x2F;news&#x2F;sports&#x2F;text-of-tiger-woods-full-statement&#x2F;nQcg7&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;m.ajc.com&#x2F;news&#x2F;sports&#x2F;text-of-tiger-woods-full-statem...</a>
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nsxwolfover 9 years ago
Most public apologies are a variation on &quot;I&#x27;m sorry you were offended&quot;.
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Thripticover 9 years ago
A lot of public apologies likely sound fake because they actually are fake. People frequently apologize publicly solely to maintain a good public image rather than to truly signal remorse.
dclowd9901over 9 years ago
Anyone who feels actual remorse goes through all of the key &quot;requirements&quot; of an apology anyway without even trying. Maybe the biggest problem with public apologies is that they are, in fact, insincere. If I was a board member of a major company, a requirement I would have for a CEO is their ability to feel responsibility and remorse.
klean92over 9 years ago
&quot;Apology is a sign of weakness&quot;<p>I don&#x27;t know if&#x2F;when this culture will ever change.<p>One measuring stick will be when we see baseball pitchers apologizing to the batters they hit (intentionally or not).
danieltillettover 9 years ago
I would be happy with public figures like CEO’s not personally apologising for the mistakes of their organisation if they also refused to take personal credit for the successes.
grondiluover 9 years ago
Miss Piggy recently gave a nice example:<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;watch?v=Ei0cAaC1Yx4" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;watch?v=Ei0cAaC1Yx4</a>
TwoBitover 9 years ago
The Fonz was trying to say &quot;I was wrong,&quot; not &quot;I&#x27;m sorry.&quot;
yuhongover 9 years ago
I also dislike the lack of admission of wrongdoing in most settlements too.
Animatsover 9 years ago
Apologies by politicians and CEOs should be accompanied by a resignation. There is a military tradition that they should be followed by ritual suicide, but that tradition has declined.
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