hey guys so I worked on this SaaS since 09. I've made probably 10k since then. Pathetic, yup. it took about 3 years to develop a mature product out but seems like there's just more and more SaaS charging cheaper and cheaper and there's just no more people that are sane as in they understand how much value they are getting but unwilling to pay for it (they can't).It seems that my product failed because I ended up catering and attracting people who didn't appreciate the value it brought them. There was just another guy around the corner who would heoretically do it for cheaper.So after 100k lines of code...I'm finally thinking of shutting down the Saas and I just had a super depressive period where I was in a full state of panic. I'm letting go of my 20s in it's entirety. I've sacrificed so much for so little in gain and it's so fucking depressing.<p>I just don't know where to begin at the colossal failure my SaaS has been. What was once a great source of pride and hope is now a standing evidence of my inability, my failure, my lack of skill. And as a result, I've thought about this in another thread before, and I've thought about it again, I should not be in technology. I have found a wonderful chance to be working at a new startup but I just can't for the love of god come back after pulling off kamikaze shit like this (my grandpa was one so shit runs in the blood) and just throwing away everything so I can build what I thought was ideal in this world and thoroughly rejected.<p>I'm 30 now and I'm living the alternate universe that I desperately wanted to avoid. I want to be intoxicated but I can't afford to. Literally, it feels like anything I start or do is going to fail by some divine will. Is this the wall of destiny that people run into? When you try so fucking hard and it's still not good enough. What do you do then? What could you possibly do after spending so long and sacrificing so much for something so inevitably irrelevant in life?
Congratulations. You built an end-to-end product that you sold for money. This is probably more than 99% of programmers have ever done. In many ways you are succeeding.<p>Be flexible. Your determination, focus, and drive allowed you to power through on a project that you are now recognizing in hindsight might not have been the best option. Changing targets isn’t quitting, it’s counter-attacking.<p>You are only 30. So many opportunities to keep swinging. All it takes is one hit. Be adaptable. Let yourself recharge. Figure out how you can take more swings in shorter periods of time. Figure out how each swing can work together to push you further towards your goal. As much as your work seems a failure now, there is a ton of learning in what you did. It will come with time. An incredibly successful entrepreneur I know said his break through happened on his 12th try. That’s a lot of projects.<p>Get away from the HN/SV bubble awhile. It’s like Facebook in that you only see the successes. The struggles are mostly manufactured fluff and don’t compare to what you put yourself through for 6 years. Most startups are built by people who took very little actual risk. Taking a year off your career at Google to go to YC isn’t a real risk, that’s like calling HBS a risk.<p>Don’t let people say “maybe starting a business isn’t your thing.” If a soldier got wounded on the battlefield, would you say “maybe war isn’t your thing” and that we should only celebrate those who didn’t take a hit? Of course not.<p>You’ve proven that you are an entrepreneur. You have the determination. You need to rest, recharge, and figure out what other skills need work and how you are going to counter attack. Whether it’s starting a business or doing whatever else you want to do in life. Seriously, building shit is hard and clearly you have the aptitude for it. Good luck in your journeys and know that you did something.
I want to give you an alternate perspective. Sometimes it's far more liberating to accept and move on. There is this book called "Dip" by Seth Godin. I recommend that you read it (it's just 70 odd pages). In that book, Seth talks about how, when you are in a dip, it's important to realize whether to persist and succeed, or to quit. When things just drag on there is an opportunity cost associated with that. Unfortunately, only you are the best person to decide whether you should ride through this trough or to move on.<p>My first 3-4 side projects were abject, miserable failures. It took me 5+ years of waking up to failures before I had something going that really gained traction. If I had just stuck with my first project, I am sure I would have gotten nowhere. So, have the guts to pull the plug on the project if you think it's the end of the road. It's okay - take a break, and you will bounce back even stronger.
This sounds like a panic attack. Relax, breathe slowly, and get medical attention. At the very least they can rule out some more dangerous conditions.<p>They can probably also give you a long term prescription for a generic (but still good) long-term anxiolytic agent and a short course of benzodiazepines to knock out the acute anxiety.<p>Finally, some personal advice.<p>You will get through this.<p>You're 30. You could get a whole entirely different degree and career before even age 35. Your options are <i>wide open.</i><p>Last part. I've been there. That feeling of impending doom, as if the universe is waiting to thwart my every move. The truth is that the universe doesn't seem to give a damn one way or another. Those feelings come from deep-seated anxiety.<p>The source of that anxiety, for me, was too closely personally identifying with my start up.<p>Your work does not define who you are. And who you are has intrinsic value beyond the ability to code. What helped me was to repeat this like a mantra, "I am not my company. I am not my company."<p>We all need some help from time to time. Thank you for reaching out to us, and I would encourage you to do the same toward others.<p>As for your first startup, that isn't failure. It's the best damn business education money can buy.
You are not defined by what happened in your past. Every single day of your life, you get to choose your course. You can wallow in self pity and tell yourself "I'm a loser and I suck" or you can gird your loins, suck your gut in and attack something else. That doesn't mean you have to jump into another startup right away (as a founder anyway), but you can <i>choose</i> to apply yourself, make a plan and work on establishing the life you want to live.<p>And remember the old saying... "In business, you only have to be right once".<p>So this shot didn't work out. Big deal, you're still pretty young. If you want it, you'll have more chances to take a stab at making it big with your own company. Take some time off if you want, regroup, rebuild you savings, whatever. But just think of it as a setback, not something permanent.<p>So what if you failed once. Bill Belichick, arguably the best head coach in the NFL and a certain first-ballot Hall of Fame'r failed miserably as head coach of the Cleveland Browns. Gary Kubiak, the coach who just won the Super Bowl, was fired by the Houston Texans just prior to the end of the 2013 season. Remember - "Success is never permanent, failure is never final".<p>And just think of how much you learned in the process. If you try again, you'll be <i>better</i> equipped next time, exactly because you've already failed once.
> I've sacrificed so much for so little in gain<p>Learn to avoid measuring gain in $s. Think of all the stuff you've learned.<p>Nothing advanced my career better than a failed startup.
You could perhaps just let that huge burden and pressure go, and just not work so hard. Maybe not even care about so many things in the world. Stop sacrificing and take some time to pamper yourself. Even if you have no money, just go out with a few buddies and party. Or save up some money, and go on a road trip. I know it's good to have "goals" in life, and aim high, but sometimes that mindset can be unhealthy if things don't work out. Sometimes you just gotta shrug, and say 'screw it', I'm going to start having fun in this life, and forget about goals.
I suggest to stop worrying about the past, you can do nothing about it, just accept the fact. Then you can focus on your brighter future. I'm pretty sure there are a lot of things you learned from this journey, concentrate on those. Also, this might make no sense right now, but you became much stronger by trying for so long and from your story you seem like not a quitter at all, but a hard worker.<p>My example: I <i></i>started<i></i> learning programming at 30, and never been happier since then.<p>You can have a bright and happy future, even if you think your past sucked.
That's close to what my first fail felt like. Its been 15 years since but I remember it well. Let go. Park at a regular job for a year or two with no "side" projects to let your mind clear up. Maybe starting/running a business is not your thing - but evaluate that later, with a fresh mind.
Taoism has good advice for this kind of situation. You have to come to the realization that you can never control the outcomes of what you do in life. If you base your happiness on outcomes alone then you are setting yourself up to be disappointed in the long run. Find value in doing good work for its own sake, learning skills to be applied in other endeavors, things like that. 30 is young, despite what you may think.<p>Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.<p>Do your work, then let go.
The only path to serenity.
Given that this is the poster's <i>seventh</i> "Ask HN" in the past <i>month</i>, perhaps he should be broadening his search for resources.
I've recently gone through a similar situation/realization. The panic and desperation is normal and ephemeral. A short, unplugged break from everything can be a godsend (I spent a week road tripping through Northern California). If you're in the Bay Area, I'll gladly buy you a couple of beers and we can trade war stories.
Quit.<p>Take some time off and explore other ideas on paper, discuss it with people you think can give you feedback via email/live/phone etc...<p>Preferably spend time discussing with people outside of tech about their work, their companies, what they do in general.<p>When ready get back at it and be ready to fail again until you don't.
Most people here have restartitis. We can't stay on the same project for very long. You did something very impressive. You'll be back. Try to take a break. A new idea will come and you will be better prepared and have a new sense of excitement that you might have no had for a decade.
Congrats on building something to completion. It takes a lot more effort than people know.<p>If your willing to give it another go, I would learn how to build a sales funnel if I were you. Check out the book Ask and the OReilly book on Bandit Algorithms.
i think a change of pace would help. this doesn't have to be an "all or nothing" deal. you can take a comfortable job or freelance, and still do side-projects all you want, without so much pressure.<p>also, the fact that you have a saas that sells is fantastic, you are way ahead of the curve!<p>there's a bunch of stuff you can do on that front too: lower the price and put it on more of an auto-pilot, make it free and use it as leads to your next product, etc<p>failure is necessary, but maybe work on failing faster. just don't neglect your life for your saas. it doesn't have to be like that