I've given this a lot of thought. I went through this at Google, and in fact it was one of the things that prevented me from having a more "illustrious" career there (entirely my fault, not Google's).<p>I felt that I was surrounded by people far smarter and more knowledgeable than me. All the time. My team [1] had amazing machine learning experts, C++ gurus, and so on. I felt inadequate. This hurt my career progression (mostly because of self-doubt) and my general happiness in life.<p>Until I got my hands on this very interesting project that involved designing an instruction set for a custom CPU, implementing a VM, a code generator for the instruction set, a server that did all this on the fly, and some infrastructure around the whole thing. I have written CPU emulators in the past for fun [2], so this was not particularly challenging - it felt like a really exciting project to work on, but at all times I was confident in what I was doing.<p>Then one of my teammates, whom I really looked up to, asked me how had I pulled that off. She was in awe, amazed - exactly how I felt about <i>her</i> incredible machine learning antics!<p>And that's when I understood why I had impostor syndrome, and so did so many people at Google: Google hires really good engineers, but it hires them from very different backgrounds. So you're likely to be surrounded by people who make things you consider impossible black magic seem easy, but crucially, you don't notice that the things that feel easy to yourself are seen <i>by them</i> as impossible black magic!<p>Understanding this actually let me get over my impostor syndrome pretty much entirely. I later left Google to join Improbable and had a fresh start, which I used to consciously avoid falling back into these negative patterns. Although I'm surrounded by the smartest people I've ever worked with, to the point where I still ask myself <i>"how the hell did I manage to get here?"</i> from time to time, I've largely succeded in avoiding falling in the impostor syndrome trap again :)<p>[1]: <a href="https://googleblog.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/an-update-on-our-war-against-account.html" rel="nofollow">https://googleblog.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/an-update-on-our-w...</a>
[2]: <a href="http://gabrielgambetta.com/remakes.html" rel="nofollow">http://gabrielgambetta.com/remakes.html</a>
[3]: <a href="http://improbable.io" rel="nofollow">http://improbable.io</a>
There's nothing wrong with seeking professional mental health services for the same reason there is nothing wrong with going to the doctor with a physical illness. Dropping the stigma makes life easier for everyone and one way to start is from a clinical context.<p>I worry about tech's focus on impostor syndrome because it is a non-clinical diagnosis (by which I precisely mean that it is not a condition described in the <i>Diagnostic and Statistcial Manual of Mental Health Disorders</i> [1]). This means that there is no accepted criteria of diagnosis and no standard protocol for clinical treatment.<p>That does not mean that I think people's experiences are not valid. It does meant that the treatment for any underlying mental health issue is more likely to be within the same context of pop-psychology as the diagnosis. To put it another way, impostor syndrome is not an accurate <i>clinical</i> diagnosis.<p>The thing that concerns me about Beck's story is that it is based on self-diagnosis and <i>only</i> presents self-treatment as an option. Talking himself through boughts of doubt seems to work for him. That may not work for the next because everyone is different or the self diagnosis may be inaccurate or a less constructive course of self-treatment might be the chosen out of habit.<p>The description of impostor syndrome, but for the individual being high achieving, are similar to the description of low self esteem (another non clinical diagnosis often used to describe a possible cluster of symptoms related to the clinical diagnosis of Dysthymic Disorder[2] for individuals).<p>[1]: <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders" rel="nofollow">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Man...</a><p>[2]: <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK64063/" rel="nofollow">https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK64063/</a>
"interesting" to see a famous name talk about such things. Reminds me a lot of my mission in a university lab. Being surrounded by PhD when you're only a grad. will mess up with your self esteem balance.<p>Maybe Kent was too used to be in control, and in these situation you have none. And you need a clear, trusted communication channel to know how to parse things.<p>The analogy with music sounds odd to me. Music has this property that when done wrong everything falls quickly apart and you will realize it on the spot. If the vibe is still there, then to me you're doing music good enough.<p>I also think there are two notions being discussed here: feeling like an imposter, and self consciousness (anxiety, overthinking, rehashing things long after).<p>I wish I could just pat him on the back and tell him not to torture himself. As he said, he didn't get there by accident. I also wonder if he talked with colleagues at his jobs, or people in the field before writing this.
> Six years later, when my manager asks for an unexpected meeting my first thought is still, “That’s it. I’m fired.”<p>I'm coming up on 3 years at my current company. Been promoted a few times. Given a raise every time I've asked, once even when I hadn't asked. And yet “That’s it. I’m fired” is also my first thought when that happens. It feels good to read that someone I respect a lot also is the same way.
It seems like a lot of anxiety issues, including this case, arise from the following internal monologue: "I am not as good as my peers at skill A. My peers are aware that I'm lacking in this area and judge me negatively for it."<p>From what I've seen (in this thread and in real life), people mostly combat this internal monologue in a couple ways that ignore reality (at times):<p>Counter Belief #1) I'm not as bad at skill A as I thought. (e.g. look at all these examples where I did well at skill A)<p>Problem: If the reality of the situation is that you aren't actually lacking in skill, this works. However, if your peers legitimately outclass you, you're just tricking yourself -- which presumably won't work for long.<p>Counter Belief #2) My peers are aware that I lack skill A, but are not negatively judging me for it. (e.g. what evidence do i have that they're judging me? they're probably just thinking about themselves all day)<p>Problem: This works when your peers aren't actively negatively judging you. But, how are we to determine if that's the case? Lack of evidence isn't proof at all -- especially in a work environment, social norms are that they won't express negative criticism to you (even if you ask for feedback). Certainly, there are environments where your peers ARE indeed actively negatively judging you in which case this counter belief does not work.<p>What is the right way to cope in a situation where reality is:
1) you ARE outclassed by your peers
2) your peers ARE judging you for it<p>One solution seems to be to get better at the skill than your peers. However, this isn't foolproof if you don't have the resources to do so.<p>The more foolproof solution seems to be:
1) learn to stop comparing yourself to your peers. your self-esteem should not depend on the relative amount of skill you possess to your peers
2) learn to stop caring what your peers think of you. your self-esteem should not be dependent on outward signals like this.<p>However, this seems REALLY hard to execute. How does one develop these sets of beliefs? Are there other logical solutions?
The thing that's helped me deal with impostor syndrome the most is to really internalize a couple realizations. It's less than my perception of my own competence was too low, it's that my perception of my peers' competence and depth of understanding was too high. Nearly everyone actually is kind of an impostor to a certain degree. Successful people are just less bothered by it - they let other people assume that their understanding is deeper than it actually is. You assume people know waaaay more than you, but really they typically know exactly enough about the subject to present that impression.
In some sense, I believe this stems from being afraid of 'not knowing'. Especially in the current SV culture, it's really anathema to say, "I don't know". "Not knowing" something is frowned upon, especially as you get deeper into your career (more senior, etc.) and it is really shameful that we have created this atmosphere for ourselves.<p>Being unafraid to say, "I don't know" is a really powerful skill. Now, for me, being surrounded by people who know more than I do, is actually a win. Now, "I don't know" turns into "Show me". It's an opportunity to learn and to grow.
One thing I always have to remind myself of is that it is never a binary decision between 'glorious' and 'ridiculous'. There is a continuum between both, where 'great', 'good', 'sufficient', and 'could be better' are valid self-judgements, too. Combine this with the fact that you don't need to be 'glorious' all the time, and that a fair share of 'could be better' is part of everyday life. This helps me to keep a more realistic self-image instead of becoming desperate in cases where I can't assert myself as being 'glorious'.
> I arrived in Lagos on Saturday night. Sunday I went to church, rode on the back of a motorcycle (it was okay, I’d been to church)...<p>I had to laugh out loud at that. I'm not sure it works that way.<p>Thanks for the post. Its interesting to see / hear what others say about their cause for this syndrome. I think mine goes back to my childhood. I think the OP analysis is interesting and I would go with out any more data on the "Daddy issues" theory.
Someone just asked me this question. I'm interested in hearing how the community deals with this.
Here was my full reply:<p>All the time. It's just that lizard part of your brain imbuing a healthy dose of fear. That fear is just a part of exploration and pushing yourself as a person. I marvel at people who go through life effortlessly being seen as "natural" or "talented" at something. But then I remember we're all the same and perspective and optics are everything.<p>Managing that fear is a part of mindfulness I have yet to achieve, so I use that fear as an indicator that I'm learning and doing something new and I'm probably in over my head -- which I think is where good and new things come from. I've just learned to live with it.<p>The real test is this: are you going to let the fear move you, or are you going to push through it? Eventually that fear you're pushing through goes away once your actions and thinking become habit. That's where you have a new trap: complacency -- that's the worst fate.
I think it's a mistake to personify syndromes, and all things psychological. It's one of those rhetorical devices that really reduces the quality of conversation.