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Ask HN: I'm in a humiliating situation, and I can't commit

6 pointsby Shanboabout 8 years ago
Like a lot of people, I was raised by boomer parents with attachment disorders (NPD dad and BPD mom). Treated like an object, so I never felt real, did not develop a sense of agency like most people. Which led to me not knowing what to do most of life. In college I said fuck it, went into a major that I knew paid money, but that I had no real care for.<p>Long story short, I am 34, I have saved ~2 million in the bank. Recently to change my life, I moved to NYC to try to force myself to take action (I left my original job of 8.5 years to start a new life). I have an engineering degree, but it&#x27;s not CS (and not from an Ivy).<p>I have not worked in 3 years. I spent a lot of this time reading all of the entrepreneur material out there, fixing my psychological issues (mostly cognitive distortions due to faulty &#x27;programming&#x27; from early life- midbrain stuff). And unfortunately I also did quite a bit of hardcore gaming (mostly due to hopelessness&#x2F;depression). I pushed myself to top 10 on wow and hearthstone, and I considered streaming, but I knew that long term, I wouldn&#x27;t be intellectually satisfied with just doing that.<p>Since I seem to share values with a lot of the tech community and founders, I thought I should teach myself programming and start a business in that field, but there are so many directions to go, it doesn&#x27;t seem practical to learn them all. Do you learn JS, do you learn mobile, should I try to become as good as an engineer that works for GOOG etc... Should I just say fuck it and become a physicist or quant and go into finance. I don&#x27;t know, but I need to take action, and for some reason I cannot decide. I think part of it is also facing the humiliation of working with much younger people and them looking at me like &#x27;holy shit, I&#x27;m glad I&#x27;m not that guy&#x27;.

8 comments

icedchaiabout 8 years ago
I recommend moving to a lower cost area of the country, investing that 2 million, and simply doing whatever you find interesting. You should be able to live perpetually on 2 million if you&#x27;re getting a decent return and withdraw less than 4% annually.
CyberFonicabout 8 years ago
You deserve a compliment for saving $2m. As DrScump &amp; icedchai suggest you do HAVE some easy options.<p>From your narrative, I get the impression that you have not received professional therapy. If that is the case, then you should really get some competent help. A dependancy on gaming is not a good sign.<p>Here&#x27;s my take: You have a professional degree and are able to earn a good income (as your savings attest) you could do worse than continue with your established professional career. You could then develop some outside of work interests that bring you satisfaction.<p>Entrepreneurship, especially in programming related tech has very little chance of success, something like 0.1%. Perhaps there is some way of using your professional experience to solve a real world problem or a problem in your profession that can be solved by some software solution.
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DrScumpabout 8 years ago
<p><pre><code> I have saved ~2 million in the bank </code></pre> If that&#x27;s in U.S. dollars, you can do whatever you want, within very broad limits.<p>For perspective, you can overspend by <i>$50,000 a year</i> for <i>40 years</i> and <i>still</i> have all the compounded interest left.<p>Your angst seems unwarranted.
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zzleeperabout 8 years ago
I think a lot of one&#x27;s happiness comes from having a purpose and feeling useful&#x2F;productive in some way (&quot;achieving something&quot;).<p>A few things on top of the other good replies:<p>- Uninstall wow&#x2F;hearth and never look back; the addiction traps you<p>- Get some hobbies that are non-addictive.<p>- With entrepreneurship, you learn more on a month of doing than on a year of reading.<p>- Get a job, or create one for yourself. You can write a book, you can learn web coding, join a startup. What do you <i>want</i> to do? what thing is both something you could do well and make you happy?
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superioritycplxabout 8 years ago
You&#x27;re telling yourself a lot of things. You&#x27;re also comparing other people&#x27;s highlight reels to your backstage. You&#x27;re much more normal than you think. You do seem to have a barrier that once broken will be gone forever. Usually it&#x27;s achieved by meeting someone special or experiencing something special which will make you go &quot;whatever I thought all my life is irrelevant right now because I&#x27;m enjoying this so much.&quot;<p>Stop planning and researching. Go outside and get in trouble.
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alvaabout 8 years ago
If you have a short-let in NYC I would suggest considering international travel for a bit. Can help clear the head, give you a new perspective on your depression and perhaps more importantly, give you some sense of agency.<p>It doesn&#x27;t suit everyone but might be worth thinking about.
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Shanboabout 8 years ago
It looks like my post was removed from the ask section. Is there a reason why?
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val314159about 8 years ago
I will PERSONALLY teach you to program for only $1.5M!