I just celebrated my twelfth wedding anniversary and here's some advice: what you want to look for in a mate is a <i>loyal friend for life</i>.<p>Things change. People change: your city, your religion, your personality, your income, your health. Through each change it's nice to have someone to make the change with you. A long, successful marriage requires that the relationship be reinvented as things change. At first you are lovers discovering each other, at another time you are collaborating parents, at another time you are supporting your spouse's dreams, and at yet another time it's your turn to have your dreams supported.<p>If you're looking for something specific like wealth or beauty, that's fine but it would never work as a <i>foundation</i> for a satisfying marriage relationship. I've found the best foundation to be nurturing an unconditional love for all people, because when your spouse changes into another person you will still be able to love them.
I've come to the conclusion that if you strip things down to basic principles, a woman that is looking for a man with a nice income, is really no different than us looking for a girl with big tits or with an interest in a special that.<p>It's just some trait that she prefers in a partner. Every since I made this connection, I hold it less and less against women who want a man that makes a decent salary.<p>My gf in college broke up with me after a couple of years, and while she'll never admit it, I know it was because I wasn't on the the investment banker track or the like.<p>I used to have a chip on my shoulder about it, until I realized that she wanting that quality in me, was no different than the reasons I was madly in love with her.
When I read the comments I can't help but feel that Hacker News is 99% male because all the comments are written from a male perspective. Not just that, they also address the community as though the entire community is male. E.g. "is really no different than <i>us</i> looking for a girl with big tits," "Don't think of <i>her</i> as a potential mate."<p>Does anyone know the gender ratio of HN members? I'd be curious to know if it weren't overwhelmingly male. I think we'd all be better off if we got to see both male and female perspectives.
Contrast:<p>"There was one surprise founders mentioned that I'd forgotten about: that outside the startup world, startup founders get no respect.<p>...<p>Unfortunately this extends even to dating:<p><pre><code> It surprised me that being a startup founder
does not get you more admiration from women.
</code></pre>
I did know about that, but I'd forgotten."<p><a href="http://www.paulgraham.com/really.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.paulgraham.com/really.html</a>
this answer on Quora was specifically marked as "not for reproduction" so that it wouldn't be reproduced on other sites. i guess we'll see how Quora handles such cases.