This whole thing has a huge assumption behind it: That you're someone worth being connected to.<p>His distinction between the Hunted and the Hunters is great, but 99% of people don't fall into the "Hunted" category unless they are doing something exceptional - and even those doing something exceptional aren't typically hunted.<p>So while I think this is a good list, and it's pretty bog standard Carnegie/How to read people/HUMINT etc..., the most important thing you can do to become well connected is to be doing something that is worth connecting to.
Title is obviously a little click-baity. But I can attest that Chris Fralic practices what he preaches.<p>Back in 2013, yours truly was a fresh college grad, fresh off the boat, to play the SV lottery.<p>He took an hour long meeting with us, and politely declined to invest and explained his reasoning (probably the only VC who did that and which I really appreciated at that time since pretty much everyone else 'let me circle back'-ed out of orbit).<p>He could have cut us of there, but he went the extra mile, got us a couple of passes for us to the ChannelAdvisor conference in Vegas that year - through which we ended up getting a couple of customers!
I consider myself reasonably outgoing, but I've always viewed "networking" as kind of slimy and insincere. At a fundamental level, population A has little to offer / little power and population B has a lot, and networking is the set of personal interactions that population A employs in order to have a shot at interacting/transacting with population B. The "hunter/hunted" relationship mentioned in this article is a key differentiator between networking and other forms of human interaction. All of the various tactics described in this article and others about effective networking just seem to boil down to pretty abstractions on top of that crass business logic. Convey genuine appreciation, listen with intent, blah blah blah--everyone doing the dance knows what the music is all about. Nobody is fooling anyone.<p>Networking is definitely a skill, I'll give you that, but it has the sincerity of a sales pitch.
I wish articles like this would start with "hey, i come from a place of extreme privilege, and assuming you're in the same boat, here's what i did and it worked out ok for me given the amount of resources i had to take the risks i did."<p>Instead, it gets treated as a sort of recipe which further exacerbates the problem of selection bias and network bias.<p>A lot of this type of thinking is shielded by the immense wealth and agency that the kingmakers have. But the reality is that these types of networks are fraught with horse-traders and backchannel power exchanges.<p>I'm not hating though, I understand the game plays out like that. But if you're not cultivating a community of real people connected to you, you'll get chewed up.
Chris is an amazing person who takes the time to get to know you.<p>When we were fundraising, instead of having us do a regular pitch he took me to an event where Peter Thiel was giving a talk about his new book. We were a chess education company, so he thought it would be good for us to talk with Thiel as he's a chess master himself.<p>He didn't end up investing in us but my experience with him was much more memorable than any of the other meetings we had while fundraising.
Id love some opinions on a couple networking questions I have. I'm looking for a new job currently and I'm trying to be more proactive in networking. Is it presumptuous to cold email somebody and ask them for coffee? I imagine everyone is busy and doesn't have time for coffee with strangers, but I really hate talking on the phone. And if the person I am emailing is someone I want to work for, should I be upfront about looking for a position or should the initial email be more of a request for an informational interview on the industry or company?
These are good techniques for working a network but you'll need better advice than "be human" if you want to be influential.<p>Networking is overrated. Figure out what you're good at and make sure people hear about it. The network will take care of itself.
I feel like this piece starts with the assumption that we should WANT to be well connected. Being that well connected, however, doesn't come without costs (in time and effort, mainly).<p>I don't think I want to be this well connected.
He cites Contactually for managing his network, which seems nice, but it's too expensive for me and I generally prefer self-hosted solutions. Does anyone knows of good alternatives?
The the tech realm: drink coffee and/or alchohol (much more effective).<p>It's getting better but these are often prerequisites to spending time with people outside of work.<p>Edit: I agree with a lot of this discussion: <i>Do startups have a drinking problem?</i> | <a href="https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11723133" rel="nofollow">https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11723133</a>
As a developer evangelist for years, I've found the most important question to ask people is also the simplest:<p>"What are you working on right now?"<p>Some people will talk about their job, their side project, their hobby, their kids, or whatever. And you can see their passion and what excites them. If you know something about the topic and can ask an intelligent question or two, even better.
I wanted to ask an open ended question : how important do you think it is to be well-connected? I am sure if someone spent a lot of time going to plenty of networking events and put serious effort into talking with people, then they could grow their network pretty fast. But every minute spent in networking is a minute not spent in doing something else. So how do you set your priorities?
> How to Become Well-Connected<p>> “If you find yourself keeping score in your professional relationships, you’re on the wrong track.”<p>Being "well connected" is an objective here, given it's lead by "how to". That intent leads to keeping score, so it's less than obvious how to resolve becoming well connected without keeping score.<p>Not giving a shit about what others think is the SECOND step to the enlightenment. The FIRST step is letting go of self judgment. Accepting self first allows one to realize that speaking for other's intent, even if they are blaming, may originate from their own self-judgements.<p>I no longer give a shit what anyone thinks about what I say because I realize I can only speak for my own choices and not others, not because I don't have empathy for other's thoughts. That's not to say I've perfected this technique however, I frequently catch myself blaming others when blame is going around. I can only set intent to become better myself. Others have the choice of doing the same, or not.
I liked the article but it doesn't explain how to start a network... much of its advice is about how to manage an existing one.<p>Examples: it mentions that you should sometimes offer stuff to people you already know, instead of only interacting to ask. But what to do when your network is nonexistent and you have nothing to offer?
Regardless of the other merits of the linked content, and the odd prevalence of these painfully content-free and fluffy First Round Review pieces on the HN front page, I think we can all agree that there is simply no such thing as a "landmark Forbes piece on nailing email introductions".
There are two things that I've always found that will immediately engage people and make a lasting impression.<p>1. How did you become who you are?
People work hard to where they're at and they rarely get to tell their story - so I found that engaging them on this level allows them to reminisce a little bit about where they came from and most people will light right up.<p>2. Write hand-written notes.
This is a lost art and Brian Chesky talks about how he learned from George Tenet the value of writing hand-written notes.<p><a href="http://fortune.com/brian-chesky-airbnb/" rel="nofollow">http://fortune.com/brian-chesky-airbnb/</a>
TL:DR --> mostly email advice.
Keep emails short. To the point.
"no need to respond" is powerful.
Follow up on whatever you say you will.
Offer something before you ask for something.
Sigh. Not a big fan of articles like these because it's different for everyone and there are a lot of variables that can make this a success or failure. There is not a play book for how to connect with people other than just not being a complete dick. There. I just gave you an awesome tip. Don't be a dick and people will want to talk to you. Be authentic. Not sure why people feel the need to write an article that serves as a reminder on how you can connect with people on a "real" level.
I met Chris during an Uber Pitch ride a few months back and just meeting him was a remarkable experience. Looking back, in the course of conversation he did use these "7 Rules for Making Memorable Connections" and they worked.
There are many great points being made in the article, and in the comments - esp the comment about how this is a rehash of wisdom from Dale Carnegie.<p>I believe these kinds of posts need to have a corollary for introverts - folks that are shyer, more reluctant/reflective (thoughtful, perhaps), aren't great at small talk and find the prospect of starting a conversation intimidating. While I am naturally skeptical of any kind of 'people categorization' - I do think there are folks who find "networking" daunting. So, what should they do?<p>I think the first step is to acknowledge the importance of a good network of people that you can talk to - it is often a powerful source of diverse ideas (outside of your own bubble), mentorship, collaboration and even friendship. The reason I say this is because it is often easy to dismiss "networking" as something frivolous (it doesn't help sometimes when certain people hijack this word to mean lots of low-quality connections) or not-for-me or 'I am just happy doing my own thing' etc. I think a discussion about how networking helps us in various facets of life is important. I'd love to hear positive examples from others in this area.<p>The second step is to work towards a realization that most of the qualities that introverts likely possess - like "listening well" - are key to this "networking-thing". So you already possess a lot of the raw ingredients that are needed to have a good network of people.<p>The third step is to really value diversity - of ideas/opinions, knowledge and competence (e.g. "engineering" sometimes have reluctance in appreciating "sales"). Groups, companies, teams thrive when there is <i>real</i> diversity. This should make you want to talk to others who are doing different things in different domains (or same things as you, but differently)<p>And finally, realize that (and several folks points this out in the comments) it is not about "tricks" - i.e. don't lose your authentic self. But try to distil the "tricks" into more basic human tenets - e.g. if you are a curious individual genuinely interesting in learning more about technology (say), then "Convey genuine appreciation" isn't something you would need to fake.<p>The longer I work and observe other folks doing interesting things, the more I find that networking is a useful (even powerful) thing -- and I say this as an introvert and someone not proficient at networking (have a very small group of close friends). I often think "wouldn't it be cool to learn more about what this person is doing" or even "how did they do that!?", and lately (gradually) started acting on that impulse and wrote to some of those folks (that I wish to know and learn from). To my surprise, it was very rewarding. I met some very knowledgeable and interesting people -- even some that I learned from a lot. Just having a bunch of people that I can discuss different topics with - related to software, scaling, operations (or life in general!) has been rewarding.<p>Most of what I say here is obvious, but I just wanted to share this because I struggled (and continue to) with this whole "networking-thing". :)
This reminds me of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Absolutely one of the best books to read if you're looking to improve your social skills.