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Don’t Let Facebook Make You Miserable

285 pointsby hvoabout 8 years ago

49 comments

tsmabout 8 years ago
Facebook doesn't make me miserable because I feel like I'm having less fun and being less glamorous than the friends on my news feed—it makes me miserable because it's an addicting timewaster with minimal utility and I'd much rather be [reading a book, playing music, writing software, hanging out with friends IRL, working on a project, sleeping, watching TV…]
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aleyanabout 8 years ago
Perhaps we should take NYTimes advice a step further and stop letting them make us miserable either. There is nothing actionable in the news; next to no utility. News is simply a time sink that depress your spirit. Whenever I think of reading &quot;legitimate&quot; news like the NYTimes, I am reminded of this quote from a Soviet novel by Bulgakov. In it a doctor gives advice:<p><pre><code> If you care about your digestion, my advice is [sic] never read soviet newspapers before dinner.[1] </code></pre> Over the past few years, motivated by the above quote and other reasoning, I taken a few experimental fasts from the news. During those weeks I found myself at no disadvantage that I could detect, but I did feel better and more productive.<p>[1] <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;medium.com&#x2F;@antonkovalyov&#x2F;never-read-soviet-newspapers-before-dinner-57aa720ba363" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;medium.com&#x2F;@antonkovalyov&#x2F;never-read-soviet-newspape...</a>
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thewhitetulipabout 8 years ago
I cut facebook out of my life three momths ago when I realized a pattern of my activities. Something hapened and I ranted there about my thoughts, others were offended ao they commented &amp; we would fight not understanding each other.<p>Then I used to ignore them and continue.<p>Then one fine day, I sat on a bus, there was something going on about Kashmir and Indian military and I found that the guy next to me was also posting in a heated discussoon.<p>It was there that I figured out we are wasting time, we think our opinions matter, but they don&#x27;t. Fb is just a waste of time. Of course, if you use it to stay in touch with frnds then it&#x27;s a great tool, but there are other tools for that, if you can&#x27;t get your friends on something say telegram&#x27;s secret chat or signal (i hear it is peivacy focused) then it&#x27;s a tragedy.<p>I have been living peacefully without fb&#x2F;whatsapp.<p>Life is amazing when you realize the crazy volume of time we spend on whatsapp &amp; the return on that time is nothing. We are superficially in touch with people
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sarcasmicabout 8 years ago
As my Facebook cohort aged up into their mid-20s, my feed is all baby photos and overchurned memes that have been re-shared across 5 different sites, interspersed with relentless posts from artists I forgot I liked long ago, and ads that are trying hard to be local. Its utility is increasingly not defined by the Feed, but by being a contact list of Everyone You Ever Met Who You Don&#x27;t Want To Unfriend, which has some uses for communication, warding off the most superficial kind of loneliness, and when someone is giving away spare goods a la Craigslist.<p>Most of the visually enticing bragging has moved onto Instagram, where the content is front-and-center and all about the number of hearts, imitating the style of celebrity influencers: beach scene with brand cocktail, friends taking a multi-selfie at an event, etc.<p>Conversely, my Snapchat is full of relatively mundane stuff: morning selfies with makeup on point, silly antics at a party, funny faces and filters.<p>To me, Instagram is actually the most frustrating, as it&#x27;s the one that amplifies discrepancies between the popularity of your friends the most. For those of your real life friends who attract a lot of likes, it makes you feel like an increasingly irrelevant fan of a rising celebrity; while those who get very little validation are attract solely the sympathy heart, and often get deleted at the end of the day, leaving both the poster and you dissatisfied.<p>For these reasons, Instagram is a bad fit for people who are self-conscious about their relative lack of popularity, which is -- let&#x27;s face it -- quite a few people. On the other hand, it&#x27;s a great fit for people who, for whatever reason, can get plenty of likes from strangers and friends alike: no wonder it&#x27;s the favored platform for social media influencers and their sponsors.
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geppetoabout 8 years ago
Outside of Silicon Valley, people are marginally bewildered when you tell them you don&#x27;t have Facebook. Inside Silicon Valley you&#x27;ll quite often run into someone that works at Facebook and they&#x27;ll switch to a psych analysis algorithm to understand how their service is not catering to you, while trying to mask their offense.<p>It must be good because of the daily active user number! Yeah well Tobacco has a high DAU too.
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makecheckabout 8 years ago
I liked Facebook early on when it was set up in a way that was pretty easy to customize (even with plug-ins). It felt easier than creating a custom web page — even as someone with the skills to do so — and it was more likely to actually be seen by people that I knew.<p>Then they started compartmentalizing everything. After awhile, if you wanted to mention something that didn’t have a field in their form, there wasn’t really anywhere to <i>put</i> that. All the plug-ins went away.<p>Then I started to realize that if I learned too much about things by reading a feed, I had <i>no idea</i> what to talk about in person because I already “knew” everything. Ironically a social platform was making real social behavior more difficult.<p>Eventually though, knowing things was not exactly beneficial because it was like dirty laundry. Paragraphs and paragraphs of stuff that I didn’t want to see. Oh, great: didn’t know that co-worker was actually super-religious and was going to start posting every possible religious thing that crossed his inbox [hide]. Oh, great: friends that go to the same places every single weekend and post the same maps of those places and the same pictures every single time [hide]. Oh, great: pages of the latest political diatribes [hide]. Oh, great: 50 things I have already seen on Reddit [hide]. These days if I do log in, I can scroll for quite awhile and see nothing interesting at all, even after being gone from Facebook for a week.<p>That means it’s become a glorified address book, which is kind of where we started and perhaps where we should have always remained. What is the multi-billion-dollar “value” of Facebook now?
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blizkreegabout 8 years ago
The biggest mistake (or genius move, depending on how you look at it), IMO that Facebook made is to show you cards in your feed about what your friends liked or commented on or when a totally random person says something about your friend. You don&#x27;t know any of the parties involved in this but somehow are being shoved a photo, a video, or something else about them.<p>Obviously this is the addictive part for a large number of people, an endless stream of crap to keep looking at. Had the exact opposite effect on me. It finally drove me away from Facebook. I just realized my feed was utterly useless at that point.
AlexMuirabout 8 years ago
I&#x27;m not sure where I read this suggestion, but a couple of months ago I unfollowed everyone on FB. Now my newsfeed is basically empty - and my Facebook experience is much improved.<p>I highly recommend it.
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sotojuanabout 8 years ago
I have to say, I am glad no one in my social group cared when I left Facebook. We still talk and hang out.<p>That said, I did not have any &quot;miserable&quot; problems with Facebook because I removed everyone from my wall except close friends and family, essentially making Facebook just Messenger. Maybe Facebook changed the rules by now or something, but I recommend to ruthlessly unfollow people you don&#x27;t care for but might want to be able to talk to one day.
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0xfadedabout 8 years ago
Facebook makes me miserable because it has become the defacto medium for social communication. When decent alternatives arrive offering end to end encryption, Facebook goes and buys them.<p>Say what you will, but WhatsApp&#x2F;Messenger usage statistics correlated with Facebook usage statistics of less privacy conscious contacts can still paint a pretty damn good picture (read marketing profile).<p>You literally can&#x27;t use any popular (digital) communication methods without opening yourself to advertisers or those wanting to buy an election. It&#x27;s a minor miracle we still have email.
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nradovabout 8 years ago
I don&#x27;t get it, where is the misery? Are people really so fragile that they get upset seeing some old classmate in a luxury car?<p>I put off creating a Facebook account for a long time but eventually gave in. And I was pleasantly surprised to find how well it works for sharing photo albums with my friends and family.
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kstenerudabout 8 years ago
It&#x27;s interesting how the vast majority of responses to this post are from people who have either left facebook entirely, or severely crippled it.<p>Are the majority of HN folks off facebook, or is it just the vocal ones?
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muninn_about 8 years ago
I stopped using Facebook about 4 years ago. Haven&#x27;t looked back since. I haven&#x27;t lost contact with anybody that I cared to not lose contact with. A random &quot;hey what&#x27;s up&quot; text is usually enough.
carte_blancheabout 8 years ago
Like the majority of the people here, I use Facebook sparingly, but I constantly need to go back there because of numerous groups that I follow. Is there any way to sideline the infamous &quot;news feed&quot; and instead curate a manual feed containing only group posts?
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ArtDevabout 8 years ago
I uninstalled the apps (db&#x2F;messenger) and only visit it about once per week. I logout after I visit.<p>Checking it takes about 5 minutes. There are usually 10 posts from friends at the top.<p>The rest of it is total garbage. Petitions, fake news, etc.<p>I noticed that if I visit Facebook more than 5 minutes per week, I will feel miserable.<p>95% of my fb feed is designed to make me upset. I just don&#x27;t need all of that negativity.
ziikutvabout 8 years ago
Totally unrelated to the article, so I understand this might be down voted...<p>If I used a bot to delete all of my posts (and literally everything else) after which, I deleted my account... is that actually deleted? Edit: It&#x27;s been a year or more since doing this.<p>It was such a time waster, and I felt that... if I remove some of my data, it might be a good idea. It is a bit tinfoil-y, I admit but the less data that is out there, the better since Facebook is going into a lot of other markets.<p>Edit 2: Reason for deletion was that I noticed some of my very old posts were not created by me but said they were. I assume it was either a virus or, more likely, some of my friends xD... I am sure the teenagers can relate.. people go on your screen in labs and write &quot;HACKED&quot; (NOT REALLY SILLY!!!)
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tabethabout 8 years ago
the common counter to this feeling is that if facebook makes you miserable, then your friends are probably just not good ones.<p>of course, this ignores that we all have friends who do things we don&#x27;t like, and they&#x27;re friends in spite of that. so the question is, given that facebook is used mainly for<p>1. communication<p>2. event planning<p>3. keeping the relationship alive.<p>how do you get those things without all of the bloat, both cognitively and as a matter of tech?<p>I feel that facebook is overkill if that&#x27;s indeed true. what we (or at least I) need is just something that will sift through my calendar and all forms of communication and just let me know if I haven&#x27;t contacted a friend in so often.<p>such a thing would eliminate the need for facebook for 99% of people, I suspect.
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sandovabout 8 years ago
I left facebook a couple of weeks ago. It&#x27;s been great so far, because I don&#x27;t feel the urge to read comments on news sites&#x27; fanpages. When I did, it usually ended in resent against people from my country for being so stupid.
Animatsabout 8 years ago
That&#x27;s more like Instagram than Facebook.[1] There are paid &quot;Facebook influencers&quot; [2] but it doesn&#x27;t seem to be as big a thing as on Instagram.<p><i>Remember, sharing is spamming.</i><p>[1] <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.theguardian.com&#x2F;money&#x2F;2017&#x2F;may&#x2F;05&#x2F;earn-a-living-instagram-micro-influencers" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.theguardian.com&#x2F;money&#x2F;2017&#x2F;may&#x2F;05&#x2F;earn-a-living-...</a> [2] <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;socialix.com&#x2F;facebook-influencers" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;socialix.com&#x2F;facebook-influencers</a>
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nooberminabout 8 years ago
I know hindsight bias is a thing, but I the response in me that bubbled up was &quot;of course.&quot;<p>I think everyone under the age of 40 knows that their insta and fb involve posts that make us look cooler&#x2F;more hip&#x2F;sexier than we really are. Isn&#x27;t that how things have always been? How many nytimes articles have been written about Irritable Bowel Syndrome, to use their example? Or how often do you talk about it with friends before the internet? Has that really changed?<p>It&#x27;s just the medium that has changed. Some thing&#x27;s are new, some are the same. People presenting the best of themselves certainly hasn&#x27;t.
jventuraabout 8 years ago
Contrary to every comment so far, after I stopped using FB for some time, I&#x27;ve now started to use it again. It is not that I care much about what dinner some random friend is having, but I&#x27;ve started to use it to publish some photos that I take with my smartphone.<p>I don&#x27;t care much about the upvotes, but as I do a lot of walking on the mountains around my house, I now have a kind of a motivation to snap a photo, add some effects or change the colors a bit (on the phone itself) and publish.. :)<p>Oh, and there&#x27;s someone I follow who posts a lot of beautiful places on my country, places I eventually would like to go..
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ionisedabout 8 years ago
I check Facebook maybe once a week now (via the Tinfoil app), for perhaps a minute or two. This is just to check messages that my friends sometimes send out when trying to organise meet-ups.<p>This is the only utility I get from Facebook now. Anything else is just akin to endless spam, except it&#x27;s from people I know (some well, some not so well).<p>I made the mistake when I first opened an account of adding all my family and colleagues. Man, that was quickly realised as a grave mistake.
wakkaflokkaabout 8 years ago
I&#x27;ve found Facebook to be a great product for me. I went to an international school, and many of my high school friends are spread across the world. I&#x27;m not super-close with all of them, but close enough to want to know what they&#x27;re up to (and visa-versa). Facebook allows that (as do many other things - which I also use).<p>I&#x27;ve also got a lot of friends who purposefully stay off Facebook for the same reasons espoused in the posts on HN, and I understand that reasoning too.<p>The only minor irritation I have is that a lot of events that go on in my city, or that my friends host, use Facebook events. I&#x27;ll occasionally get a complain from a non-facebook using friend that they didn&#x27;t get invited to ______, and it&#x27;s usually just because they weren&#x27;t on Facebook and the host doesn&#x27;t know them well enough to go out of their way to invite them.<p>And the person not invited usually responds along the lines of &quot;well, apparently the party host is not a close enough friend to SMS or email or call me, so whatever,&quot; That might or might not be entirely true.. but either way, why are you complaining about not being invited?! Because you are using Facebook as some gauge of friendship, and now you feel this friendship isn&#x27;t a &#x27;deep&#x27; as you thought it was because they don&#x27;t want to SMS you individually?<p>Quite frankly, I love being invited to things by far acquaintances, because it just gives me an opportunity to meet new people. I don&#x27;t use Facebook friending&#x2F;event invites as any metric for the depth of a relationship. Just to find new stuff to do.
SeriousMabout 8 years ago
I&#x27;m so happy that I stopped using Facebook a year ago! It&#x27;s just funny to read all the psychological studies about Facebook and how the people suffer from using it.
mmackhabout 8 years ago
I have a strategy for making facebook a lot less interesting:<p>1. Unfollow (not unfriend, i.e. not noticable) all your friends - this will clean up your newsfeed and confuse the algorithm<p>2. Follow some pages that do not post a lot from brands you are interested in<p>3. Uninstall the facebook mobile app and increase your battery<p>All in all, I can still use messenger for some things but without the load that facebook brings to the table. You might miss out on some things but you&#x27;ll be happier because you are oblivious.
lambyabout 8 years ago
Is &quot;I don&#x27;t have Facebook&quot; the new &quot;I don&#x27;t own a TV&quot;?
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stevewillowsabout 8 years ago
I have dropped facebook for everything but events. I muted &#x2F; unfollowed everybody, disabled all non-event notifications, and cleared out a lot of personal information.<p>What set this off was seeing a a buddy I hadn&#x27;t spoken with in nearly a decade. Typically bumping into an old friend and catching up would be great, but we both knew nearly everything about each other due to our investment in social media. We still had stuff to talk about, but I felt somewhat robbed of that moment.<p>From day one I avoided adding people from high school or other areas of my life where I wasn&#x27;t interested in sharing real-world social experiences. It might sound harsh, but I just don&#x27;t care what these strangers are up to.<p>Social media is fine for some people, but I&#x27;ve never been happier to be ignorant of my friend&#x27;s lives until I spend real time with them.<p>That being said, the event organization aspect of Facebook is great, and I know a lot of people who have stayed with the site for the same reason. The sooner a simple, centralized event organization platform becomes popular, the sooner we can start a proper exodus.
devuoabout 8 years ago
Back in 2013, after a complicated break up, I decided that seeing photos of my ex randomly appearing with her new SO in our common friends posts was not helping me at all, and so, I left Facebook. After all these years I&#x27;ve not missed it one bit. You end up knowing who truly cares about you, as they will always reach you whether you are on Facebook or not.
teddyhabout 8 years ago
I have never used Facebook, so I can’t chime in in these threads to say “I quit Facebook because…”, since I’ve never used it. The reason? Even if we disregard the admittedly huge walled-garden and privacy issues, it just seems to be an extremely time-expensive and constantly distracting hobby, with not much to really recommend it.
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nissehulthabout 8 years ago
I did leave FB for awhile. But I realized that there are groups on Facebook that I do find interesting. I do get the occasional event invite on FB, sometimes personal, sometimes even work related. And, there are some people I enjoy communicating with, on Facebook.<p>But, I really don&#x27;t have much interest in what most of my friends post. Luckily, it&#x27;s easy to just &quot;unfollow&quot; them to declutter my feed. They are still on my friends list and we can still communicate via FB&#x2F;Messenger if needed. I just don&#x27;t have to scroll through pictures of their food or kids or pets.
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webwanderingsabout 8 years ago
This article is absolutely true on everything, except for the title. The title gives the impression that one should continue on as is on the Facebook. That&#x27;s misleading to the intent of the whole article.
sgt101about 8 years ago
Substitute &quot;World of Warcraft&quot; for &quot;Facebook&quot; in the comments below! There were so many similar discussions about WoW years ago. I am afraid the fact is that some people are very vulnerable and games and social properties do not account for or accommodate that fact.<p>Everyone else is reading this and thinking - &quot;Oh yeah, I suppose I shouldn&#x27;t be so bothered&quot;.
thr0waway1239about 8 years ago
I don&#x27;t use Facebook. I still feel miserable for the same reason I feel miserable when I see war. FB is designed to encourage the absolute worst of all our human nature, dressed up as a &quot;tool to reconnect with people&quot;. To make the war analogy even more true, now people are actually &#x27;dying on Facebook&#x27;.
waibelpabout 8 years ago
Just a simple question: If Facebook is harmful why not cut it out of life and cancel the account? Done this some years ago being a lot more happier as a result...<p>No need to read untrue postings from people claiming that they are the &quot;winners of life&quot; while everybody knows that they did not achieve anything for real...
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sdwiselyabout 8 years ago
I&#x27;ve ended up just moving the messenger into a fluid (osx) window on my status bar and not having the site in my browser all the time has helped a lot.<p>Being able to pop down just the messages with a click and back off straight after means I&#x27;m only going to the site every other day to check the notifications for a few minutes.
naitoonabout 8 years ago
To avoid FB making me miserable, I only follow people whose posts tend to be interesting. The tools are there. Just use them.<p>If there&#x27;s something I can ask FB to do is to make it still easier to manage privacy of posts, and to unsubscribe to second-degree stuff like &quot;X liked Y&quot; or &quot;X reacted to Y&quot;.
netherabout 8 years ago
I don&#x27;t even look at my feed for this reason. I think it kind of offends people though when I meet them and had no idea they went to Yosemite the past weekend. So now before I hang out with someone, I brush up on their feed real quick.
Waterluvianabout 8 years ago
I deleted Facebook fully years ago and my social life shrunk in quantity, but improved immensely in quality.<p>I don&#x27;t think Facebook is universally bad, but if you have your doubts, try quitting it for a month and see what happens.
obtinoabout 8 years ago
The way I cut out Facebook out of my life was to use a password manager to generate a 128 character password, store it in the password manager (which itself has 50+ character long password) and log-out of Facebook.
easilyBoredabout 8 years ago
Facebook is great to find out what family and friends are doing since virtually everyone is using it. That&#x27;s all.<p>It will never make me miserable since I rarely post and don&#x27;t care about &quot;likes&quot;
dolzenkoabout 8 years ago
Tl;dr - reading FB makes you jealous so quit and read popular Google search requests instead and be happy about how big a mess everybody else <i>in fact</i> is.
nojvekabout 8 years ago
I just have Facebook so I can occasionally message some contact. I use it as messenger purpose only.<p>I like snapchat a lot better since it&#x27;s actually social.<p>I am a lot happier as a person
AndrewOMartinabout 8 years ago
How do you know if someone doesn&#x27;t use Facebook....
siliconc0wabout 8 years ago
Slightly ironic that the article has social media buttons. It&#x27;s much better to let the media make you miserable.
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meddlepalabout 8 years ago
I deleted my Facebook account a few months ago and it has felt great to not waste time on their.
ddingusabout 8 years ago
I glance at the thing every so often.<p>That&#x27;s OK fine. Anyone who really matters can use other channels.
eyearequeabout 8 years ago
I don&#x27;t let it make me miserable. I deleted it years ago.
scrpsabout 8 years ago
If a Facebook post of a photo of a friend sitting in their new BMW, sipping 30 year old single malt next to a 19 year old bikini model whist reading Grant&#x27;s Interest Rate Observer on a beach in Nice captioned with a Kurt Vonnegut quote is making you miserable then I suspect there are larger psychological issues at play then social media usage that might be remedied with a walk in a park, physical interaction with another human being or a good book.
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jehlakjabout 8 years ago
Seriously? Who says that we have no choice but to compare ourselves with others?<p>Facebook is a great way to stay connected with old friends. There&#x27;s a pleasant feeling about seeing how the people you once knew are doing these days.<p>If you do inevitably end up focusing more on the Maserati, the million dollar wedding, etc., then that&#x27;s your problem. Your insecurity. Whenever I scroll past those things, I simply say, &quot;Cool&quot; and move on.<p>And to the people who stopped using Facebook altogether to help them concentrate better: Self-control. It&#x27;s like how a lactose intolerant person blames the ice-cream in the freezer for making them eat it.
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