Wow. That reminds me of last year.<p>My ex made up phony charges to the police so she could keep more of my money (which the crown had to drop).<p>After work found out they threatened to fire me to negotiate themselves a better position.<p>Lost most of what I had to lawyers fees, lost the rest of it to the market.<p>What I did in response:<p>Lost 60 pounds<p>Met a great, funny, vibrant, intelligent, much thinner and younger woman<p>Told them I quit and ended up negotiating a better position<p>Blew what little I had left on a trip to Burning Man, met some great friends and gained a lot of perspective.<p>Grew my side biz into the point where it might survive the next 6 month, and lined up financing.<p>The future:<p>Quit my job last month<p>Taking the side biz full time<p>Life is indeed better on the other side. The funny thing about life is that to have the freedom to do anything you need to first lose everything. Courts, jails, and lawyers may be able to take your money, but they can't take your friends. Likewise they can confine your body, but they can't confine your mind. Going through all that gave me incredible perspective. I've always been a very caring and charitable person and it paid off in spades going through that whole ordeal. I never realized what an incredible social network I had developed through my character until I had to call on it. I left the ex with literally the shirt on my back and within a week had a fully furnished, albiet modestly, apartment and more importantly friends to fill it with cheer and laughter (to be honest a few tears as well, but mostly laughter and cheer).
It's awesome on the other side, with a caveat. You will get rejected. Again, and again, and again. Things will go wrong. Your dreams will get shattered. The moment you demonstrate signs of success, suddenly people will start knocking on your door. And when things change, you'll get rejected again. People will leave, mutiny, and flip out. The worst and the best of human nature will come out in plain sight.<p>If you're unprepared for this, a sliver of ice will form in your heart and will grow larger and larger, until there is nothing left. At the end, you will end up where you were before, with all your dreams shattered and endless cynicism about life and your fellow man in your heart. If you choose to say yes where you said no, and no where you said yes, you <i>must</i> learn to love people for their best <i>and</i> worst qualities, always and unconditionally, lest your adventure ends in a disaster.
Side note - anybody thinking about getting married should look into the financial implications of getting divorced. It shouldn't stop you, but you should at least understand you're putting at least half of everything you own on the table and potentially more. I think you don't completely understand marriage unless you've been divorced.<p>It may just be confirmation bias but I've been thinking about heading off in a much less conventional direction myself so articles like this are welcome.
I am at rock bottom right now, and as I struggle to get up. I've searched for resources to help me figure out the best way out. I have made plans. Created structures for myself. Kicked myself. A lot.<p>However, I've fallen flat on my face again and again due to a simple reason. I <i>don't</i> have the resources to execute any kind of measures to get myself out of this mess. I can't concentrate without getting suicidal imagery in my head and spiraling into a very disturbing cycle. I really don't have any pre-requisite life experience to rely on. The worst thing is that time is running out for me to apply to college.<p>On the other hand, this is might be more of a blessing. I have literally started my life with a blank slate, and now I can choose the foundation for my future in a way that few can. If only I knew how.
I'm really hoping this happens for me. Not the bad part, of course; I'm hoping I've seen the worst of that. My startup is about to launch its flagship product on Tuesday after a year and a half of work, but we (myself and one of my cofounders that I live with) are currently packing up to go live with our respective parents, as the money's simply gone. It's been the most stressful 6 months of my life, as we've seen the slide into foreclosure and haven't been able to do anything about it, and it's all happening at the most important point of our company's life. I'm looking for the uptick from this, and I'll do what it takes to make it happen.
Hey Derek,<p>That was pretty brave of you to write that and publish it for all the world to see.<p>I don't doubt that this will only lead you to greater success, you're more free now to achieve that than you have been in more than a decade.<p>Maybe the grass on the other side really is greener :)<p>best of luck!<p><pre><code> Jacques</code></pre>
Here is bad: Auschwitz, Treblinka, Buchenwald. Some survived. Never underestimate your ability to bounce back. When you can't summon strength, summon spite.
Yikes.<p>I've had some absolutely insane things happen to me in the past 12 months, too. Just one horrid thing after another.<p>Derek, good for you for getting through all this, and thanks for that encouraging last line--that things will be better on the other side.<p>When you're going through hell, keep going!
Shit happens, and good stuff, too; you just have to deal with whatever comes. One disagreement though - never, ever say, or even think, "Things can't get worse". There is always something worse that can happen.
I also lost a wife, a job and the house in one year. You kinda define yourself as where you work, who you're married with and where you're living. Beeing forced to change everything in one year is... interesting.
I think such a "general" posts should be considered an off topic here. Two reasons. Well-reading people, which I assume a majority here, might find that kind of postings on the top page a little bit annoying. Second - there are a lot of such stories in each other's life. It is not a reason to expose them on the HN.