Loneliness is a psychological problem masquerading as a social one.<p>Look, there are people all around us. Neighborhood streets have, what, 50 people on them? People congregate at churches, bars, coffee shops, even Wal-Marts.<p>Loneliness is a self-inflicted problem. I'm not saying that to belittle it, I'm saying it because the reasons most people give for being lonely have nothing to do with the actual reasons.<p>Real, authentic human connections banish loneliness with a ruthless effectiveness. And you can make one with anyone. But we never want to make an authentic human connection with just anyone. We place conditions on the people we're willing to get close to. And paint ourselves into a very lonely corner by doing it.<p>I used to get lonely a lot in my mid-twenties. I had a bar I went to, a coffee shop I frequented, and good friends at both of them. But I was still lonely. It took a lot of self-inquiry, but eventually I realized that I didn't have a loneliness problem, I had a <i>status</i> problem that was presenting as loneliness. I wasn't seeing my life as having turned out the way I wanted it to, so I was beating myself up over it.<p>Psychological problems respond really well to talk therapy. Unfortunately that's not a very good solution. We don't have the resources to give everybody with the problem therapy. Instead I think we need to adopt a similar approach that's being used for suicide prevention. Train "gatekeepers" to identify at-risk individuals and get them the help they need, and increase awareness in the general public.<p>I wish we could do more. But without massive a public investment in psychological health, personalized treatment will remain a luxury solution for those who can afford it.<p>There's also the problem that, even if the infrastructure were there, that doesn't mean people will take advantage of it. Loneliness is tied very closely to the pride part of the brain, nobody wants to admit they have a problem and seek out help for it.
Loneliness and obesity have a common origin, or at least significantly overlapping causes. They both derive from living in an environment that is a) substantially different from what we are evolved for and b) loaded with social pressures and saturated with advertising that pressures people into making bad choices.<p>There's no way you can argue that obesity is anything other than a conflict between the environment we evolved for, and the one we live in. Anywhere you go in America, you are surrounded by cheap empty calories, sugar and white flour, both highly addictive substances, and also surrounded by advertising urging consumption of the above. For us to <i>not</i> have an obesity epidemic would be astonishing.<p>By the same token, the only kind of negotiating power the modern worker has in finding a good salary is the power to quit, and so people quit often and early, which leads to them moving frequently away from the friends they've managed to find. All of us are also surrounded by messages telling us that for our lives to mean anything we must work longer, and spend more money, which doesn't leave much time for forging social bonds. Again, you can argue that nobody is <i>forcing</i> you to make these choices- but for us to have an epidemic of loneliness is completely unsurprising.
This link appears to be little more than a reworded version of the APA press release [1]. I'm still not sure where the actual study is.<p>[1] <a href="http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2017/08/lonely-die.aspx" rel="nofollow">http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2017/08/lonely-die.as...</a>
I feel like this also plays into, and off of, political division. I have had a great number of people who would have been friends, or at least acquaintances, ex me completely for one moment of political disagreement. I also figure the more isolated you become from direct human contact, the more the increasingly-tailored information you see confirms your own dumb ideas. These dumb ideas then become your deepest-held convictions, and you ex the people around you because of just how disturbing the disagreement seems.<p>In addition, finding people to date and have romantic relationships is pretty weird these days. On the one hand, there are dating apps, which seem like they would give you a lot of opportunity to meet new people, but mostly just give you enough information about people to swipe left. If you're a guy, also can no longer court the single women at your employer (even from other departments) without potentially imperiling your entire livelihood.<p>Most of the guys I talk to from a generation or two before me say they met their lifelong friends through a friend or through somebody they were dating, often through people they no longer talk to.<p>It seems like there are a lot of factors, mundane and complex, that could contribute to isolation these days, especially if you're a 7 or below.
From Ivan Illich's "Deschooling Society" (written in 1970):
"In these essays, I will show that the institutionalization of values leads inevitably to physical pollution, social polarization, and psychological impotence: three dimensions in a process of global degradation and modernized misery. I will explain how this process of degradation is accelerated when nonmaterial needs are transformed into demands for commodities; when health, education, personal mobility, welfare, or psychological healing are defined as the result of services or "treatments"."
Perhaps digital interaction can help alleviate the negative symptoms of loneliness and social isolation. One can join any community which shares their interests and interact in real-time.<p><a href="https://www.twitch.tv/directory/game/IRL" rel="nofollow">https://www.twitch.tv/directory/game/IRL</a>
<a href="https://www.twitch.tv/directory/game/Creative" rel="nofollow">https://www.twitch.tv/directory/game/Creative</a><p>However, I am unsure if virtualization of social interaction is beneficial in the long run.