If you're suffering from anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) really can help you. That's where I'd point first if I knew someone with mild to moderate anxiety who needed help.<p>From experience, anxiety fades as you choose to face the things that make you anxious, over and over and over again. Over time, you'll develop processes that will help you manage your anxiety. You'll become more resilient, more open to new experiences, and much happier.<p>I liken it to this quote of Marcus Aurelius:<p><i>"The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way."</i>
> We took control by joining a new doctors surgery — one that we’d researched and knew they had a good range of doctors who specialised in mental health in some form.<p>What does this sentence mean? Did she get surgery? As a non-native speaker, I find this hard to parse.<p>Also, it appears to me that the author is trying to guilt trip people into spending their life with somebody who is mentally ill. While I applaud him for his patience and support, I'd like to point out that from an utilitarist view, it is sometimes preferrable to be happy alone than to be miserable together.
Married to someone with anxiety | <a href="https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13037164" rel="nofollow">https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13037164</a> (Nov 2016, 198 comments)<p>The previous discussion almost a year ago has a lot of great advice, including this (confirmed by several):<p>>physcab: <i>[do] not take on the role of mental health professional in your relationship</i><p>>Broken_Hippo: <i>I should have insisted on some therapy for myself as well</i><p>Mental health issues carry such a stigma even though there is usually some degree of a hardware/physical problem involved.
This sounds like my wife and I three months ago. I had never personally experienced extreme anxiety, and when it came on to her full force I felt so helpless. It was completely debilitating, she couldn't just <i>be</i>.<p>We came to the conclusion that the root of her anxiety was work related, even though she had a mostly stress free job that paid well. Her boss was also very understanding of her situation, allowing her extra sick time, work from home, etc. I was reluctant to agree to let her quit, but quitting was the best decision we made.<p>This experience really shed a light on how shitty mental health resources can be. We live in Austin, and I couldn't believe how difficult it was for her to get an appointment that wasn't a month out and took our insurance. When you are suffering the last thing you want to hear is denial over and over again when trying to see a doctor. Thankfully we found someone through a family friend. Her quitting coupled with therapy has helped tremendously, we are in a much better place now.
My wife has some crippling mental issues (severe PTSD, anxiety, depression, etc.). I've found supporting her through it has pushed me to be better at everything I do in life.
From the same boat, I concur with everything in TFA. Funny detail to me, I've been at this exactly twice as long as the author. Ten years together for my partner and I, now two married on top of that.<p>I'll add my experience in the hope it helps others. We should form a meet up, or at least a mailing list. I bet there are a lot of us here.<p>The Absolute Best Thing You Can Do in this situation: Learn to recognize and manipulate your own emotional states. Take control over what you bring into the room.<p>On the worst days, your partner will have little no of this ability themselves. Pick up that slack and things get better faster.<p>Read Covey, Carneige, and Cialdini for starters. They will together persuade you that you're much more susceptible to the emotion of a moment than you thought you were. And, you'll learn to see how others have controlled the emotions you've felt in the past, to drive your behaviors. It feels like magic, like cheat codes, when it clicks. And that click is the beginning of a real empathy for what you're seeing in them.<p>You'll also learn how to get someone talking effectively about emotions in a way that loosens the hold, and gets the logical part of the brain re-engaged.<p>Reading and talking are great, but there's so much more. Find a hobby or group that forces your hand to work nonverbal communication skills. You need somewhere to practice reading others' cues and responding with your own.<p>Work that long enough, and you'll start to see impending anxiety before your partner experiences the brunt of it. You'll also see the anxiety states they weren't telling you about, some of which they didn't recognize as anxiety either.<p>At that point, you've leveled up your own emotional awareness you can start leading your partner (mostly nonverbally, sometimes in detailed conversation) to raise their own. That inspires confidence. Confidence is what you want, it's the long con (ha), and a few victories in a row will let the both of you reach for new goals: things that seemed impossible months or years ago just aren't anymore. IMHO, that's the best life.
Did anyone else find the tone of this article just a touch self-congratulatory?<p>When I want to hear about mental disease, I want to hear about it from the actual sufferer.<p>Otherwise, even someone willing to try to do the work is somehow a hero because the ill person is a burden. Focusing on the supporter takes away from how mental health is harder for the sick person, not the person who supported them (until it wasn't for me!).<p>If I heard people talk about a partner with cancer or MS this way, I don't think this would be a nice article anymore.