I think you can. I changed the very dynamic of my family by changing myself. I grew up with a snippy and grouchy mother, and so I was a snippy and grouchy parent. But when I saw my kids treating eachother poorly for far too long, and nothing I did fixed anything. I changed my tactics completely.<p>I stopped being grouchy and snippy. Or at least at first I stopped expressing myself this way to them. I was determined to end this trend, no matter what. After a few months (literally) of me not raising my voice, unless it was totally and completely justified (which I discovered was very rare) I could then say to my kids (and wife), I expect you to talk nice and decently to eachother, and as soon as they accused me of being grouchy, I pointed out that I hadn't been for months, and something changed, everyone started to listen to me, even when I talked quietly.<p>I've become a morning person, I started jogging about 5 years ago (I hated exercise), I stopped eating white sugar in 1995 (because it was controlling me like a narcotic), and I have worked on many of my other bad habits and traits. I think anyone can change anything. And I really like reading about other people's successes in self change as well.<p>Everything from quitting smoking, losing weight, success in work and relationships brought back from the brink of destruction. We just need enough of a reason to do something, and then we can do it.<p>The trick seems to be, can you make up your own reasons? I know we can. (also I defeated crippling life long depression, food addictions, weight loss, and few other things many people want to label "diseases" we have no cure for or control over, I call bologna on that, we can change anything.)
One thing that I've come to appreciate in adulthood is to what extent conscious, verbal thought can change the way I think. The answer at first seemed "not very much" which frustrated me and stymied my ability to pick up new things or deal with maladaptive behaviors.<p>I thought it was just my brain getting older, but I've since realized that I'm still quite plastic, it's just a more implicit process than I figured and being consciously preoccupied with it is counterproductive.<p>It feels more like changing the momentum of a rolling boulder, or the moon tugging on the ocean to make tides. Understanding that the part of me that I feel I have most control over plays a limited if crucial role in what I become has made life a bit less stressful and my thinking a bit more effective.
A very poignant if cynical poem by the Greek poet Kavafis on this topic:<p>You said: “I’ll go to another country, go to another shore,
find another city better than this one.<p>Whatever I try to do is fated to turn out wrong
and my heart lies buried as though it were something dead.
How long can I let my mind moulder in this place?
Wherever I turn, wherever I happen to look,
I see the black ruins of my life, here,
where I’ve spent so many years, wasted them, destroyed them totally.”<p>You won’t find a new country, won’t find another shore.
This city will always pursue you. You will walk
the same streets, grow old in the same neighborhoods,
will turn gray in these same houses.<p>You will always end up in this city. Don’t hope for things elsewhere:
there is no ship for you, there is no road.<p>As you’ve wasted your life here, in this small corner,
you’ve destroyed it everywhere else in the world.
Recently, I've discarded all 'principle-based' attempts at self-improvement and replaced it with a single approach: I start with "The human mind is a neural network, therefore..."<p>I find that most changes are a matter of the size and strength of the training dataset. Either you have to go through a lot of repetition, or a few incidents immediately followed by major negative or positive reinforcements.<p>It works.
A few years back I read a book on neuroplasticity. It was a great read, although possibly aimed slightly above my knowledge on the subject (zero). From memory, this was what I took away:<p>• you can change the way you think. It takes a lot of effort, time, and motivation - but it’s within reach. Small improvements lead to bigger ones over time.<p>• diet, excersize and good sleep are all involved. You can’t eat junk food, sleep poorly, and expect to see much of a difference.<p>• making good decisions is a large part of the process. Eat well. Sleep well. Put yourself in the right situations. Don’t put yourself in the wrong ones. If you’re afraid of speaking in public, speak in public. If you need to be more organised, buy a planner (app?) that will help you with your organisation. Etc<p>To me, a lot of it seemed to be grounded in common sense. Seems to be well regarded/reviewed too, for anyone interested: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Rewire-Your-Brain-Think-Better/dp/0470487291" rel="nofollow">https://www.amazon.com/Rewire-Your-Brain-Think-Better/dp/047...</a>
How else could anyone ever possibly develop or change? It seems a ludicrous question. If you expend effort on thinking about your actions, you will take different actions. The actions you take determine the person you are.
There is a large difference between the claim that:<p>1. One changes<p>and<p>2. One can purposefully change in particular direction<p>While the former is (I believe) obviously true, the second may not be.<p>While I don't doubt brains change, the question is, can we purposefully change it in a particular manner to achieve a particular end.<p>The article spends a lot of time talking about neuroplasticity which addresses the first claim, but not the second.
This is in essence what Vajrayana buddhism uses as its locus. Instead of seeking to destroy desires, as early Buddhist traditions do by working on breaking them apart and inspecting them, reductio ad absurdum, they seek instead to reshape desire to become a vehicle itself to enlightenment. There are intense and lengthy practices which aim to slowly shift the way the practitioner thinks and perceives, to be more aligned with an 'enlightened' perspective, and therefore shift into that modality, and eventually have insight.
Everything I've ever wanted, I got. Whether a first new car, stopping smoking, gaining weight, losing weight, being the guy that everyone likes... I just needed to want it enough.
"Either seem as you are or be as you seem."(Rumi)<p>On the other hand works of Paul Ekman and others have shown that consciously and wilfully changing facial muscles changes the emotional state of mind.<p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Ekman" rel="nofollow">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Ekman</a>
I've done neurofeedback and have the hardware. It's amazing what you can achieve. It's amazing it works at all.<p>There's a decent book on the popular history of it - 'a symphony in the brain' I think it's called.
Url changed from <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/neuroplasticity_us_564cdeefe4b00b7997f8d10e" rel="nofollow">https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/neuroplasticity_us_564c...</a>, which points to this.<p>Discussion from 2015: <a href="https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10587031" rel="nofollow">https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=10587031</a>