Kinda related: it's occurred to that I've only ever witnessed <i>anyone</i> in my life genuinely apologize for something a handful of times. Weird to think about. People really seem to struggle with this.
It's also crucial to consider the motivations of the person you're apologizing to. If that person is interested in moving forward and (re)building the relationship, do it. But if the "offended" party is still resentful, they may use your apology as an "admission of guilt" and try to twist your words against you.<p>Moral: don't apologize to a truly toxic person - instead remove them from your life immediately.
Honest apologies are good but I see a lot of people that apologize all the time but don't change their behavior. They probably think it's OK as long as they apologize.
I keep getting redirected to <a href="https://www.vice.com/en_au" rel="nofollow">https://www.vice.com/en_au</a> whenever I click on this link.<p>Looking on the en/AU variation of the site, I can't seem to find the article.<p>Does Vice seem to think Australians shouldn't have access to this article? Or is geofencing dumb, outdated and broken? I'm leaning towards the latter.
Apologies are not always needed. When you really mess up its usually pretty obvious and saying youre sorry doesnt do all that much. "Sorry I introduced a bug that causes the system to crash once a week" doesn't really help anyone, of course you're going to be sorry. I heard this from someone and it stuck with me: "Don't apologize, fix it."<p>Edit: I made a mistake while writing this, I am trying to say be objective about your mistakes but many people took that to mean don't admit your mistakes. I should have been more specific with my terminology.
Off topic question. A few years ago I started a heated, short-lived debate on an online forum. Soon after, however, I realized my arguments were flawed. Is it creepy to send an apology to a few users after such a long time? I don't know them in real life, but I regret my rushed judgment to this day. I would like my online behaviour to be consistent with my real-life behaviour regardless of circumstances.
Putting aside for discussion's sake the question of the very existence of any merits at all of compassion... why particularly should I ever be <i>self</i>-compassionate?<p>A person cannot control other people's actions the way they can control their own; and that's one of the few reasons I can't berate other people for their mistakes to the extent that I can berate myself for my own. Indeed, for that same reason, when I make mistakes, my response to myself is little more than the vilest of fury: the ability to act correctly (including the ability to learn it) was within my own nervous system, yet I clearly neglected to use it.<p>(For example: previously this comment contained several typographical errors. Rereading the comment repeatedly, revealed each typo ... but there's no excuse for any of them to have even escaped the keyboard.)
I am an advocate of apologies and have to actively practice not apologizing too much. I really believe in the value that <i>can</i> come of them, but that value is also dependent on how they are responded to. There is no hard rule, of course. It’s delicate. But, I see apologies punished and taken advantage of most of the time they are given, especially in “professional” environments. When someone apologizes, the response should probably be difficult. If it’s easy, it may be worth thinking about it a little longer.<p>Thankfully, I think I have learned what best works for me: don’t befriend or work with others who do not share my values. It’s almost impossible but it gets much easier with time.
Interesting to note that the original meaning of "apology" was far closer to "excuse" or "defence" than the present "acknowledgement" or "atonement".<p><a href="https://www.etymonline.com/word/apology" rel="nofollow">https://www.etymonline.com/word/apology</a><p><a href="http://www.dict.org/bin/Dict?Form=Dict2&Database=*&Query=apology" rel="nofollow">http://www.dict.org/bin/Dict?Form=Dict2&Database=*&Query=apo...</a>
I'm sorry, but, I wish studies like these would share at least the sample size without having to pay for it, considering every hack publication will report on it as "fact." Not that I disagree with the study, I'm just curious how they did the test.
To all the people saying apologies are worthless, you probably feel that way because you get too many worthless apologies.<p>Personally, I don't count it as an apology unless they acknowledge how they've hurt you, expressed remorse, and made a commitment to change. I've known many people who can only manage the first two (at best), and it drives me insane.
this seems to vary a lot between countries.<p>Also, it's interesting looking at web sites that have comment sections with voting. Often admitting a mistake will attract more negative votes than stupidly insisting that a bad comment is ok. (which i think is a terrible commentary on the tech industry or the blood thirstiness of web site comments).
NSFW due to language... but obligatory: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwfuUyTMpVY" rel="nofollow">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwfuUyTMpVY</a>
Honestly I don’t understand the purpose of an apology. They also seem inherently dishonest (you’re sorry, and you did it? that makes no sense).<p>I’ve also never felt better after being apologized to, and I’ve never had an apology improve my situation or anybody else’s, at any point in my life, ever.<p>I have however had it be construed as an admission of guilt that exacerbates things. So at least apologies have that going for them!<p>Apologies are childish. I think they’re something adults force on children because they want to believe their children are remorseful and still “good.”<p>Anyone have a good pro-apology argument? I can’t think of one.