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The dangerous downsides of perfectionism

157 pointsby ernsheongabout 7 years ago

11 comments

shooverabout 7 years ago
<i>“They give up more easily. They have quite avoidant coping tendencies when things can&#x27;t be perfect.” That, of course, hinders them from the very success that they want to achieve. In his 60-plus studies focusing on athletes, for example, Hill has found that the single biggest predictor of success in sports is simply practice. But if practice isn’t going well, perfectionists might stop. It makes me think of my own childhood peppered with avoiding (or starting and quitting) almost every sport there was. If I wasn’t adept at something almost from the get-go, I didn’t want to continue – especially if there was an audience watching.</i><p>Ugh. Been there, done that. I remember skipping the first year of fast pitch baseball because I was sure I’d never be able to hit the ball. It simply wasn’t true and can only have set me back when rejoining the following year.<p>I assumed perfectionism was generational or at least cultural. It’s distressing to see it’s widespread and increasing. The studies put a fine focus on the need to get smarter and model healthier responses to mistakes for the next generation.
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projektirabout 7 years ago
I haven&#x27;t looked at it specifically from the perfectionism vs conscientiousness perspective, but this jives with what I&#x27;ve been doing to reduce my overall anxiety levels.<p>I used to perceive various small failures, often just things like not doing chores on time, as a <i>big deal</i> and a sign that I&#x27;m failing as a person. This, of course, is not productive at all, saps my energy, and often results in me failing even more. But when you truly believe that it <i>does</i> make you a worse person, you feel as if you deserve these side effects...<p>It&#x27;s a long story of how I got there but at one point I decided that I&#x27;m not going to give any non-major failures much credit and advance from them as soon as possible. It&#x27;s really nice to be able to look at a small error, say &quot;whoops&quot;, and move on to fixing it. I sometimes still relapse to the old way of thinking but it&#x27;s a huge weight off one&#x27;s shoulders. But it is also so weird to just say &quot;Yes I was really wrong about that, and I really shouldn&#x27;t have done this. But that&#x27;s OK, moving on.&quot;<p>What I&#x27;ve found, though, is that this is not really the kind of philosophy the average person I talk to actually has. The implication that one is a failure if they do not complete certain chores efficiently, or don&#x27;t do certain things, or don&#x27;t know a given technology, or don&#x27;t lose weight, is common. So is giving people a very limited amount of chances before they&#x27;re marked in some negative way. Perhaps I am simply imagining it because it&#x27;s something I&#x27;m used to, but we may just be living in a fairly perfectionist environment. The article appears to confirm this.<p>I think ultimately it comes down to the idea that people make mistakes <i>naturally</i> (i.e., automatically) and might end up in unfavorable situations through no fault of their own. From here, you can accept errors as a fact of reality that happen _to_ you, as opposed to _from_ you, which makes them much easier to rectify. If you don&#x27;t believe this, all those minor mistakes are then your sole responsibility, so it makes more sense to feel guilty for them.
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iovrthoughtthisabout 7 years ago
I consider myself a recovering perfectionist.<p>It used to be that, all my code had to be perfectly understandable, all my variable names the perfect metaphor &#x2F; concept, my architectures the most scalable etc.<p>I found that the anxiety of having to make hundreds of correct decisions everyday left me exhausted. Ultimately it was not sustainable. I would agonised over tiny details for extended period of time.<p>I was eventually exposed to and much later internalised the idea that there are three types of decisions:<p>1. those you get right 2. Those you get wrong 3. Those you don&#x27;t make<p>Anything is better than 3 in a non-life or death situation. If you&#x27;re trying to learn 1 is not so important and doing 2 is the only way to truly learn.
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davidwabout 7 years ago
Disappointing that it doesn&#x27;t mention &quot;maximizers vs satisficers&quot; which is a good way to look at things.<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;Satisficing" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;Satisficing</a>
costcopizzaabout 7 years ago
Does anyone else sort of enjoy some tenets of perfectionism? I write songs and often drive myself nearly insane trying to get every detail right.<p>But there is a nice feeling knowing that what you’ve finished is as good as it can be, because you’ve exhausted every damn option.
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Moodlesabout 7 years ago
I can believe that the single most important predictor in sport (indeed many things) is practice. I suspect, however, that what also matters immensely is the kind of practice. For instance, often those in the gym that measure practice as &quot;runs x distance in y time&quot; or &quot;do X exercises for Y weight in Z reps&quot; are far, far more effective than those whose sole metric is &quot;spend X amount of time doing Y&#x27;. It&#x27;s the same with studying: I remember during my undergrad I saw people spending hours and hours &quot;revising&quot; by simply reading the math book back to front. I think a lot of people work hard but not necessarily as effectively as possible. People need to learn how to learn.
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ytersabout 7 years ago
Perhaps it&#x27;s our media saturated culture with its constant images of perfect, beautiful, successful people? It may also be a lack of a grander purpose in life, so every little goal becomes all consuming.
Noumenon72about 7 years ago
I don&#x27;t identify with the self-criticism or the rage much at all. For me the problem with perfectionism is just how good it feels to edit every little word of an email or comment compared to stuff that actually needs to get done.
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gaddersabout 7 years ago
Perfect is the enemy of good.<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;Perfect_is_the_enemy_of_good" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;Perfect_is_the_enemy_of_good</a>
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antoineMoPaabout 7 years ago
I only heard the bad sides of perfectionism in the last 3 years honestly.
icantdrive55about 7 years ago
In college I felt like anything was possible.<p>I felt the failures around be needed to just delay gratification, and work hard, because life is difficult.<p>I looked at my classmates, and thought they were just not serious, and needed to work harder.<p>After all, going to school is easy. (I still belive the worst day at school is better than any day I spent in construction.).<p>I&#x27;m chugging along. I&#x27;m thinking about how short life is. I&#x27;m thinking about that vague pain in my head. The pain the Neurologist said wasen&#x27;t psychological, because the pain was coming from cranial nerve locations in my skull. (I forgot to tell him I used to read through Grey&#x27;s Anatomy for recreation.)<p>I thought I was doing well. Doing great in school. Keeping down a job. I really felt I could do anything.<p>I was lonely though. I broke up with my college girlfriend a few years earlier--why--for no good reason? Just young, and dumb.<p>My vague head pain was my daily friend.<p>I was toying with getting two professional degrees. Why not? School is easy. Just delay gratification. Don&#x27;t mess up your life with chaos, and all the drama of a relationship.<p>Then a classmate died of a anyurism. I didn&#x27;t know the kid, but he was the image of health.<p>It wasn&#x27;t long after I went home for a holiday, and at around 11:30 pm, I had a panic attack. A scary one, but I had minor ones before, so no big deal. I&#x27;ll just go to sleep, and feel great on the morning.<p>Wake up at 8:30 am, and the minute my bedroom door opens intense anxiety sets in, and stays with me all day.<p>After a few weeks, I see a bunch of doctors. They all say different things. I pick out a Therapist out of the yellow pages. See him for months. Anxiety just off the charts.<p>I finally see the &quot;right&quot; doctor, and he gives me a long half life benzo. It works, but only works for a few hours during the day. Alcohol worked better. It scared me because the last thing I wanted was to be one an alcoholic.<p>Well the intense anxiety went on for a decade. My life definely suffered.<p>I went from the better, capable guys in the room, to someone who could barely walk into the room.<p>I don&#x27;t have any advice. I wouldn&#x27;t wish what happened to me on my worst enemy. My doctor did say my case was unusual.<p>I&#x27;m still kinda a perfectionist though. My life is close to being homeless, but when I do something; I still do it well.<p>Enjoy your life.
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