I lost my wife suddenly in 2009, she was 34.<p>Losing your significant other is something that you never get over - you live with the emptiness and the hurt, and you learn to move on and hope that the "fog" eventually lifts. It's something that only someone else who has been through the same experience will understand. I was lucky to meet a friend who had lost her husband a couple years before, and she helped me through the hardest times.<p>Matt, if you ever read these comments, all my thoughts and condolences for you. I know "thoughts and prayers" does nothing, but a lot more people care than you realize.<p>Hang in there.
My wife passed away in her sleep in 2016. It was unexpected. I woke up like it was any other day and then it wasn't. I never imagined something like that would happen. Learning how to carry on without my partner and my best friend has made these past two years the most challenging of my life.<p>In this time, I've learned a few things about grief. That it affects everyone differently. That there's no right or wrong way to grieve. Some of us feel guilt, anger, sadness, depression, or numbness... or all of the above.<p>I also discovered that my wife's passing and my grief made other people feel uncomfortable. I sensed it was hard for folks to know what to say or do. And that's ok—there isn't much you can say or do that will change things for those closest to loss.<p>But, speaking for myself, it does mean a lot when someone reaches out and shares their thoughts. In my experience, the best things to say are to acknowledge the hurt and to share how you feel. Avoid trying to make sense of it (you can't) or that things will get better (you don't know). If you're able, say the person's name. If you knew the person, tell your grieving friend how much she meant to you.<p>Matt, I didn't know your wife, Cindy, but I met you once and recall being struck by how smart, genuine, and kind you were, aside from all the great work you've done to help me learn about SEO. From what you've shared about Cindy, I can tell she is an amazing person, that she is loved, and that she is missed dearly. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Matt is my boss. He is the kindest and best leader I've ever had the pleasure of working with. Cindy, his wife, was a jewel. My heart hurts so much for him.
For those wondering who Matt is, he’s a fifteen plus year Googler, ex head of Safe Search and web anti-spam, now acting director of the US Digital Service.
Matt was a colleague in Google's early days. He embodied all of the best qualities of the organization. He can do anything he wants to, but he chooses to spend his time improving Google's search experience, and freely giving of his wisdom and expertise through his blog. If there was ever a person who did not deserve this, it's Matt.
I was having a lousy day, and so was my wife. I realized i was focused on some stupid work problem and not her. I dropped what I was doing and we just spent a few hours of quality time just talking and connecting and encouraging each other. It was the best decision I've made all day. After reading this I realize how much better a decision it was to spend time with my loved one.<p>I'm really sorry to hear this news.
My wife of one year is asleep behind me. She always sleeps in here to be nearby because I love staying up late. Going to go sidle up to her. Sorry for your loss. Thanks for the perspective.
Matt - if you see this I'm terribly sorry for your loss. I just married my best friend in December and I'd be so lost without her. I can't imagine how you're feeling. I don't know what else to say besides that I'm sending you love and support from across the net. Stay strong my friend, your blog has powered many of my adventures into SEO and beyond.
Matt, I still remember being a young webmaster watching your YouTube videos, almost immediately whenever you'd release one. I remember joking about how you never changed your shirts, then you put out a video saying that you film several weeks of questions in one sitting and that you were going to change shirts between questions from then on. I always thought that was really cool of you to be that receptive and open to the community, always reading the comments and being what seemed like the only source of truth in Google during a time of hidden updates and obscure policies. You've given so much to everyone, I can only imagine how much you must have given eachother.<p>If there's anything the community can do to help, please don't hesitate, you've helped us all in ways small and large.<p>Stay strong, she lives on in you and everyone else she touched - continue to treat her good by taking care of yourself and everyone else she is a part of.
After reading the very small amount of information provided about the reason for her passing, I can't help but be curious about the exact reason. Sometimes it's comforting to know that something was a freak accident, versus something preventable. Does anyone know what might have happened in this case?<p>I certainly hope this isn't perceived as being insensitive. I can't imagine the pain he's going through, and I truly do hope he finds some amount of comfort or normalcy in this unimaginably painful time.
Bro, this will take a long time. Be gentle with yourself. It is the club no one wants to be a member of. I wish you peace and comfort. ~ A 4 year widower of a 37 year old bright light in the world extinguished decades too soon
I'm so sorry for this loss. Matt spoke at UNC my freshman year, and his talk confirmed my itch to pursue computer science as a career.<p>So Matt, thanks for the influence you've had on my life, and I owe thanks to Cindy, too.
Matt and I both come from the same rural / impoverished area in Kentucky and we both studied CS under the same professors. I have looked up to him for years as a role model. Im very sorry to hear of your loss, Matt.
I got married last year. Before I met my wife, I wasn't sure what I was doing with my life. For a time, I was fairly depressed about lots of mistakes I had made. I wasn't sure I had anyone who could understand me or help me. My brother introduced me to my wife and we hit it off. My wife gave me emotional stability and motivation to do things. The few times we've had fights, I cry when I hurt her. She is everything to me. If I lost her, I might be even worse off than before I met her. Maybe I'd be able to remember everything she says and move forward with strength in my eyes. Maybe.<p>I feel for Matt and anyone else who has to endure a loss.
I wrote to Matt once asking a technical question about Google and to be honest I wasn't expecting an answer. But a couple of days later he took the time to answer. Such a great guy. Hope him the best.
Loss like that is terrible.<p>If it helps any, Matt, I found that writing down as much as I could somehow helped me get my head around it. It didn't help with the pain, but it was somehow reassuring to know that the feelings I had right after the loss had been captured somewhere forever.<p>I don't have any words of wisdom, and my sharing my own story probably won't help. Somehow we must carry on. There are many times that I forget <i>why</i> we must somehow carry on, but I find if I just cling to that phrase long enough, I eventually remember again. Our thoughts are with you.
I don't know about anyone else, but if my partner suddenly died, I would be a complete non-functioning wreck for weeks (if not months). I have no idea how Matt found the wherewithal to sit down and write that blog post. I know I couldn't.
Nothing will fill this loss. No "sorry" word will help.
World is different for you now, and it's time for grieving.
There is life and death. There's love and memories.
I saw Cindy just a few weeks ago. She was wonderful and kind as usual, and she was a positive presence, the kind of which we can never have enough of. This is heartbreaking.
That sucks, I'm sorry Matt, don't know you so it means little but I'm sorry.<p>It really sucks that you had no warning, no time to spend in the last days. Knowing that it is coming sucks but being taken like that sucks (I've lost family to cancer, that is both better and more sucky).<p>It's clear that you loved her and that just makes it worse. Shit.<p>I keep thinking of stuff to say but it's all about me and my wife, don't want it to be about us. So I'm sorry for your loss, I hope you have family to support you, and I hope things get better for you.
Your beautiful remembrance of your cherished love is both touching and poignant. Thank you for sharing this life lesson. I hope the act of writing down and expressing your feelings can bring you some comfort.
Matt Cutts is one of those rare persons who appear to be so nice that I find it admirable. I wish him and his family all the best in processing this tragic event. Life can be so unfair.
I’m so sorry Matt. My heart goes out to you and yours in this time of grief and reflection. What a wonderful blog post about her, her love of life was so evident in your thoughtful words.
Unimaginably sad news. :( I hope you make it through buddy.<p>I just learned my father who I was not close to for several decades has died - just yesterday. I have mixed emotions about someone who was very distant to me and can't even imagine losing my wife. The only thing I can think of that would keep me alive is my son. I don't know what I want to say but I guess maybe there is comfort in being around family in this very difficult time. I will think about you and your wife, please take care.
I wish I had something poignant or heartfelt to say, but all I can really say is I'm terribly sorry to hear this.<p>Words fail me this time. I can't imagine what it must feel like.
Matt, so sorry for your loss. I only know you through old YT videos. Reading this I am so thankful I told my wife I love her this morning before she departed for work and due to scheduling we wont see each other for 26 hours.<p>Damn. I don't know what I would do without my wife. She reminds me to change my clothes and shower when I have been coding for days and always makes sure I am warm enough while I sleep.
That's a really lovely tribute to his wife. Good of him to mention the mental health issue as well. So many people grow up thinking they or their family are the only ones and that it's best kept quiet about.
A neighbor from when I was a kid died in her sleep a few years ago.<p>She married when I was 8, bought a home, had two kids and lived till I was 25.<p>Then, one day she slept on the couch and never woke up.<p>Some aneurism im the brain killed her without any warning.<p>Life is cruel :/
This is the problem with the hearts of feline nature. Can't be retained for so long as we would wish. They laugh with us, kiss us, mock of us, wink and fly away chasing the breeze. My sympathy and respect for matt, mrbill, webkike, rossta, joering2 and their families and loved ones.<p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUJLdC6wqno" rel="nofollow">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUJLdC6wqno</a>
I agree that no one can truly understand what you are going through, except one who has gone through it.<p>I'm blessed to have been married for 10 years, but if I'm honest, I know I have taken my wife for granted at times.<p>I'm so sorry for your loss, but this is an important reminder to live life to the fullest with no regrets, because you don't know how long you or your loved ones truly have.
Nothing can take away the time they shared in life together.<p>This is the only fact that comforts me when confronted with the tragedy of our existence.
I've never met you, and I live thousands of miles away from you. I'm also a Google opponent because of the questionable privacy practices.<p>But your work have inspired me on more than one occasion. I've always loved following your comments on HN.<p>I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish there were things that I can say to make you feel any better.
"Please give your friends or family a hug for me. We never know how much time we have with someone, and sometimes it’s all too short."<p>This is a wake up call for all of us. Thanks for your positive impact. That is the real value you get from the Internet people. All my thoughts and condolences for you and your family.
Dying doesn't scare worry me at all. I've died twice before. My deepest fear is something, anything, happening to my wife. She gets a cough and I worry; she has to go to the doctor and I get chills. I don't even like saying, "What if something .. . ".<p>Now I think its going to be a sucky day.
Terrible news, but at the start of the text it seemed it was an even worse situation, with three people passing away at the same time. Glad (well, glad if not the best word) it was just a colorful description
I already lost too many peoples that were important to me... I just kept moving, working, and hanging to positive peoples/colleague around me. All my thought to you!
Very sorry for your loss Matt. Like you said may time, friends and family help you heal and get back on track when you're ready to. Take all the help you can.
Rejoice, Matt, for YOU are one of the few who for the rest of their lives get to say "We knew each other for 23 years and we were married for 18 years,"'till death did us apart. If I can say such a statement in the end I will cry one tear of gratitude for every tear of sorrow. I hope you can find the strength.
I do feel sorry for the guy. I really do. But how is it possible that one guy's tragedy got to the front page of HN? Why everyone's talking about his wife, but not about others, who probably left family and friends in grief the same way.
I am so sorry to hear this.<p>PSA: please, please enroll in a CPR class. It's incredibly simple to learn and administer and you will learn so many things like the role of aspirin, AED usage and of course cpr.