Lastly, I wonder whether there is a good collaborative resource providing consensus-based good parenting practises and guidelines, from a general point of view: Which, of course, would include, techniques, methodologies or guidelines depending on the age, type, culture or context where children grow up.<p>Am I requesting for a kind of an impossible-to-find asset?<p>I'd appreciate your thoughts on this.
I'm not against parenting advice in general--sometimes it's invaluable, like when you have a specific problem that's impacting you/your child's life, and you need to find a solution.<p>In terms of long-term parenting philosophies, though, I'd strongly suggest reading Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids by Bryan Caplan: <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004OA64Q6/" rel="nofollow">https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004OA64Q6/</a><p>It's a book length treatment of the fact that twin studies have demonstrated <i>extremely</i> convincingly that as long as you meet a pretty low bar for decent parenting (you aren't such an obviously bad parent that you would get rejected by adoption agencies) the impact of your parenting on your kids' lives is minimal at best. You won't make them smarter, you won't change their personality to be more adventurous or cautious, you won't succeed in molding them with all the life lessons you've learned, and you won't put them on a path to happiness (or unhappiness) when they grow up.<p>This may sound somewhat bleak if you're hoping to tiger-mom your children to Harvard. But it's also freeing--you can stop worrying, enjoy the ride more, and maybe most importantly, give your kids a fun childhood they'll look back on with pleasure.
Best parenting practise - ignore most advice from people you don’t know. It tends to be totally subjective, contradictory, and faddish.<p>Give your kids loads of love, in whatever way feels right to you and your family.
I think different parents have different goals, so probably the best is to read a bunch of books and pick out the ones you like.<p>Some suggestions:<p>The Gardener and the Carpenter<p>Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids<p><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2000/05/the-war-against-boys/304659/" rel="nofollow">https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2000/05/the-war...</a><p>The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline That Really Works!<p>How to Talk So Kids Will Listen<p>Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child<p>And Baby Makes Three<p>The Rational Male - Positive Masculinity<p>Parenting With Love And Logic
Creating collaborative parenting documentation sounds like an invitation to endless flamewars. People are intensely emotionally involved in their decisions, and the outcomes are very noisy, hence difficult to measure the effect of parental decisions.<p>You're probably better off asking for collaborative documentation on the relative benefits of Democratic and Republican polices.
I like ask and answer at <a href="https://parenting.stackexchange.com/" rel="nofollow">https://parenting.stackexchange.com/</a> - there are some good advice there.
My personal thoughts.<p>1. Treat them with love.
2. No hitting that damages them.
3. Appreciate them like you appreciate an adult.
4. Dont lie, ever, even if it was a joke or making them fooled. (Like saying ill buy you candies if you stop crying, yet you didnt actually buy the candies).
5. Be there, and listen.
6. Never argue with your spouse in front of them, or in front of anybody.
7. Dont lecture them in public.
8. They are smart, dont let them do the mistakes that you once did.
9. What they eat shapes them.
10. Help them fix their mistakes, no need to blame them. (Broke the glass? Help them fix it.
11. If you have multiple children, if you buy a present, buy for all of them.
I'm reading a lot of these comments that say "good parenting is too subjective" - I must say i STRONGLY disagree - and am a little surprised to see so many comments like those from the HN crowd. I wonder how many of those are actual parents?<p>I think there are MANY pieces of parenting wisdom that are VERY accepted. For instance:<p>- giving kids 'structure' i.e. repetition, nighttime routines, bedtime to ensure they sleep well, etc<p>- consequences for negative actions <--- big one<p>- creating spaces and norms for activities, i.e. reading, eating, etc<p>- playing in certain ways including imaginative games, etc, that are age-appropriate<p>- ensuring lots of exercise and play that encourages dexterity, use of all body muscles, etc<p>anyway, i could go on and on.
Not a parent (yet), but there's a great book for dealing with kids (aged 2-99) by Faber & Mazlish titled, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” that I would strongly recommend.
I'm not a parent so take this with a grain of salt.<p>There are so many fads in parenting and they change all the time. Fads are, IMHO, dangerous and kids are not something you want to experiment on (too much). Finding someone who has raised happy children into the sort of people you'd like your kids to be would be the best way to go. Might be tricky to do in the modern world but if you can find a community of like minded people you'd be surprised how many people love to pass on their wisdom to a younger generation.
It’s hard to arrive at a consensus of what constitutes good parenting. For example, my sister wants her kids to be doctors, and so all activities and goals are oriented toward that. I prefer my kids choose a career path that brings personal happiness and freedom of time. As such, my methods and KPIs are different. Parenting is sort of one of those things that can easily degrade into a constant stream of fomo.
People commenting on this post, please state if you have kids or not. The reason is, people who don’t have kids tend to be extremely naive about parenting.<p>My take: there’s no such thing as universal “good parenting” advice. Kids are different, and what works well for one can wreck another for the rest of her life.<p>Full disclosure: I’m a father of a “difficult” 15 year old.
<a href="https://www.parentingscience.com/" rel="nofollow">https://www.parentingscience.com/</a><p>"Founded by an evolutionary anthropologist, this parenting resource is for critical thinkers -- people who want to understand child development from the perspectives of psychology, anthropology, evolution, and cognitive neuroscience.<p>I’ve got opinions. But who cares? You might be a scientist, physician, or teacher. Maybe you're an educated, skeptical layperson who loves science. Whatever the case, you don't need a sermon. You need evidence. You can draw your own conclusions.<p>So here it is: No folk theories. No preachy advice. No authoritarian pronouncements or pseudoscientific political dogma. Instead, you’ll find my analysis of the research, fully-referenced so you know where to go if you want to dig deeper yourself."
I love this idea. While every family and child is different, having all the opinions in one place might be helpful. Even if some of the opinions are conflicting, at least they would all be there so that you could read through them all and choose for yourself what you think is best for you and your family.<p>I don't know of any such resource. I know there are a lot of "mommy groups" on Facebook where they pass around articles and stuff, but those groups tend to have a bias towards one type of parenting or another.<p>But at the end of the day, there is no "right way" or "best way", there is only "your way". It's kind of like product management -- you do a bunch of research, choose a path, then gather data as to the outcomes, and change tack if necessary.
Probably an impossible-to-find asset. Such a collaborative effort is likely to attract the most vocal and opinionated people, many of whom do not have children of their own. I am simply extrapolating from the median author of the parenting books I've read (and thrown away afterwards).<p>You may find that successful parents who balance two or more kids with full-time jobs and some measure of sanity will not have the interest or energy to put into such a project. The more enlightened among them may also hold their tongues, having realized that what works for their kids is not universal.
<a href="https://winnie.com/" rel="nofollow">https://winnie.com/</a><p>Favorite books:<p>How to Talk so Kids Will Listen. And Listen So Kids Will Talk.<p>Smart But Scattered
No, but that's actually not a bad idea. I agree with what most commenters here have said: don't listen to advice from strangers on parenting. But at the same time, I would expect that advice to regress to some sort of mean if enough contributors were involved.<p>Why not make an "awesome-parenting" GitHub repo? :)
I am working putting a form together to target learning activities. I guess this would be more focused on learning and not parenting in general. My sister-in-law is an OT and she always gives us great learning techniques and I figured it would be helpful to put this all together in one place.
No. There is no consensus on anything. People argue a lot. If you have problem, read multiple things and try them to see which works.<p>Rule of thumb, if it looks like extreme it likely is. If it makes you insecure or is a lot of tiring work to <i>your</i> family then it is bad advice.
I also want to add the resources from <a href="https://www.handinhandparenting.org/" rel="nofollow">https://www.handinhandparenting.org/</a>. The techniques mentioned like Special Time and staylistening have helped a lot with my child.
I recommend finding books based on actual parenting research, rather than collaborative or consensus-based sources. Consensus does not mean truth. There are countless parenting myths bandied about that are based on nothing more than idle blog posts or simple social inertia. Parenting advice is especially susceptible to "feel good" myths which sound like common sense, but aren't actually true. (I've found that most "consensus" advice is just rationalization validating the giver's choices, e.g. saving for college, bedtime routines, etc.)<p>In my experience, pediatricians often have good advice on relevant books and topics.
I have no idea if the asset you want exists.<p>I think the best thing you can do is keep in mind that you are raising future adults. That detail seems to frequently be overlooked. I found it a very valuable metric by which to measure my parenting decisions.<p>Best.
I don't think you could have this without it devolving into what is essentially a religious debate but I'd be very interested in a collaboratively built wiki of age appropriate challenges or documenting developmental milestones vs skills they unlock (similar to tropes vs stories on tvtropes)<p>For example I've heard kids can go to school when they can reach the ear on the opposite side by reaching their arm over the head. Also at some age they start to understand non-literal meaning i.e. sarcasm but until then they are oblivious. This would be very useful knowledge to concentrate into a wiki.
Thanks everybody. I didn't expect this massive amount of reactions.
I've tried to update the github repo gathering the info you all provided me (mainly references, websites and books).<p>If anyone wants to raise a PR fixing english errors (non-native speaker here) I'd be much appreciated (<a href="https://github.com/davidpelayo/awesome-parenting" rel="nofollow">https://github.com/davidpelayo/awesome-parenting</a>).<p>I'll also add a spanish version soon.
There is definitely useful parenting knowledge that's not intuitive to many parents.<p>I'm building a site to collaboratively document topics like this. I just created a "Good Parenting" topic in case you and others in this thread would like to pool their knowledge into something concise and useful.<p><a href="https://grok.how/24/Good-Parenting?source=hn" rel="nofollow">https://grok.how/24/Good-Parenting?source=hn</a>
I find the advice not to listen to strangers bizarre. Maybe it's because the following is assumed, but since it hasn't been stated yet:<p>Try to practice evidence-based parenting.<p>Instead of having arguments about parenting, try to understand what the science says, and if the science doesn't say anything conclusive, critically evaluate the anecdotes you receive from other parents.
No new parents' bookshelf is complete without <i>der Struwwelpeter</i>:<p><a href="http://store.doverpublications.com/0486284697.html" rel="nofollow">http://store.doverpublications.com/0486284697.html</a><p>Spoiler: It's a terrible parenting book by modern standards, but good for cheering up the parents after the kids are in bed.
There is no consensus on parenting. Every family and every child is different.<p>The one piece of (still opinionated) advice I give is to keep in mind your goal - it is not to raise "good children". It is to raise 'good' adults, capable of living their own lives, with success, and adapting to all life may throw at them.
If you judge by reactions of a large number of parents across the world, "Parent Effectiveness Training" book (and training!) seems like a great resource. Interestingly, his approach to parenting has applications in daily life with adults in general :)
There's <a href="https://parenting.stackexchange.com/search?q=resources" rel="nofollow">https://parenting.stackexchange.com/search?q=resources</a><p>Other than that - it's a fundamentally political question.
Consensus based parenting seems like a good idea when you've got one kid and think you have the game figured out. Then you have a second child and see that much of what you learned gets tossed out the window. That's when you realize, every child is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. It's also a divisive topic, with two camps (nurture/caring vs tough love/discipline) which makes a consensus all but impossible.<p>All I can tell you is what has worked for me:<p>* Lose the goo-goo talk and chat with them like people from day one. They will learn to hold a conversation a lot earlier and talk circles around their classmates. If possible, expose them to a second language early - they will pick up other languages later in life with ease. It also helps them to think in different ways.<p>* Hitting and aggressive behavior scares and confuses a child so much that the lesson you are trying to teach them is often lost. There are other forms of discipline which are more effective in the long term (isolation, taking away something they like). But most important what you want to do is foster a sense of understanding about right vs wrong. This is why kids favorite question is "why?" We often take what we know for granted and expect this new mind to pick things up the way we did, even though that's not how it works. Be firm and don't roll over every time, but also be flexible and pick your battles. Not every hill is worth dying on.<p>* Empathy is your greatest tool and most important lesson. Use it often. Even when you are angry, resist the urge to scream till you are red in the face. Take a deep breath and get down to their level, eye-to-eye. Find out what's upsetting them and vocalize how it affects you as well. Show by example what it means to feel what others are feeling.<p>* Use positive reinforcment. Reward them when they do well. Shower them with affirmation and praise, especially in the early years as it shapes emotional health. Inspiring them to do well is far more effective than scaring them into it.<p>* Socialize them early. Regular trips to the parks, play dates.. whatever it takes. The sooner they learn to be around other kids the faster they will gain the social skills that will aid their success later in life.<p>* Make time for them. Feeding, clothing, sheltering them are just the beginning. They need to play, talk, explore and there is no greater gift you can give a child (or anyone) than your time. All too often bad behavior is their way of turning your head, because any attention is better than no attention.<p>There's probably more but those are the basics which work for both of my kids, who have very different temperaments. Good luck!
Does anyone have a good list of websites that provide educational content (Math, Writing, etc.) and let you track your kids progress? For example, Khan Academy is pretty good, does anyone know of some other resources?<p>Thank you!
Yeah its talk to your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, teachers, neighbours. Which is why there are many different cultures that do things different ways and most people turn out great.
A course called Scientific Secrets for Raising Kids Who Thrive, available through Great Courses Plus.<p>A less scientific approach is a reference book called The Pocket Parent.
"good parenting" seems incredibly subjective. Say your 3 year old takes an interest in opposite gender clothing/toys. Do "good parents": a) encourage this behavior and buy more opposite gender toys/clothes, b) discourage this buy not buying more c) do nothing, wait and see if child grows out of it