I've noticed that when I ask other seniors questions I don't know the answers of, or that I even know the answers of but just want to make sure(the case most of the time),<p>they immediately start thinking they're better than me, they start questioning any technical decision I make in a humiliating way,<p>How can I talk with other seniors without them feeling superior over the long-run?
Maybe find a better place to work? I was at Microsoft for for years and asked dumb questions of some of the smartest people in the world. They never, ever made me feel bad about it.
As a (somewhat) senior, I think its very hard to distance yourself from the core belief age == knows more. Its not just mansplaining (although I am sure I do this, hateful though it is) -It's like the human DNA is baked in to assume something which palpably isn't true, and frankly has never <i>been</i> true.<p>The humiliating behaviour part is simply unacceptable. You might need to talk to HR and ask them to remind senior staffers not to do this, and that annual review process includes feedback on this kind of thing. The problem there being if you can be identified by context, you get all the negativity which goes with that kind of thing.<p>They sound like asshats, frankly. Is it possible they just need to be told to can the ass-hattery?<p>Bullies sometimes can't be stopped. They have to be avoided. The problem is that senior bullies are glued in place.<p>A cheats way out would be this:<p>actors: Ron, Frank (seniors) and Debby (junior, or disrespected less-senior)<p>Debby: hey, Ron, I think I heard frank say <theory of debby><p>Ron: oh yea, thats true and cool<p>Debby: hey, Frank, I think I heard ron say <theory of debby><p>Frank: oh, Ron, he's a complete twonk. Thats rubbish this is why...<p>Another cheats way out might be "..I read in Knuth that ..." or "Van Jacobsen said to me that ..." which puts the words into somebody else's mouth.<p>I read that to overcome the same structural behaviours in the Astrophysics community, some senior astronomers took to asking questions for PhDs because they weren't getting traction, and I have also read that Nils Bohr and others used to commit deliberate solecisms in workshops, to remind people anyone can make mistakes and encourage junior staff to speak out and correct them. Which is kind-of sad, manipulative, but what it says is "this is a problem of some long time.. " oh wait.. sorry.. sorry.. I'm doing it again...
Let go of your ego - what’s wrong with somebody knowing something more than you? Aren’t there topics you are an expert on? How do you handle it when someone asks you a question? If there is a marked difference between how you respond and they respond - maybe they are just a jerk or have bad social skills, that’s not your problem. If you respond in a similar way when asked questions then it’s just your ego having a hard time when the situation is reversed.