I'm cautious, so my process is slower than others might suggest, but this is how I'd approach it were I in your situation.<p>First, collate evidence of your professional successes so your value to the company is indisputable. You want to be able to say "I've been here three years, and in that time I've delivered ... and every review has had Exceeded Expectations".<p>Next, you suspect that your market value is higher than your current pay, so gather evidence to support this. Ordinarily that would be job listings for comparable positions, or salary surveys applicable to your geographic area. In your case, because of the issues with past employment, they might counter-argue that those job listings are for pristine employees but your special status means you wouldn't command those on the market. The best response you can have is "well, I have an offer at market rates, so those rates definitely apply to me. I don't <i>want</i> to leave this great company with wonderful people and interesting work, but this pay difference is so big ..."<p>The great thing about anchoring to market rates is that you're not saying "I feel like you're underpaying me." This isn't about your feelings, it's about the simple facts that the job listings offer $75-95k and your current salary is $72k. You <i>are</i> underpaid, objectively.<p>Another useful phrase: "I don't need to be paid at the very top end of the market range, but I would like to be paid at or above average for this position because I believe that I am doing above average work." (If you can cite your performance reviews as evidence that you're doing above average work, that's good too)<p>If you have a partner, and you're worried about your boss thinking <i>you</i> are greedy, then you can make your partner the bad guy in this conversation. E.g., say "look, I want to stay here, but we are getting ready to have a child and need to save for the time without income", or "look, I want to stay here, but my partner is really pushing me to earn more." Personally, that's not my preferred technique -- I am comfortable arguing for my worth, but your situation may be different and this might be of use to you.<p>The other reason to get a job offer is if you think your employer doesn't value you and will seek to fire/replace/punish you if you ask for more money. This may or may not be illegal in your jurisdiction, but that doesn't make it any less of a problem. If you fear this, then a job offer lets you know that <i>should the worst happen</i> you can always land on your feet. If you genuinely <i>do</i> find it impossible to get a job offer, then you may genuinely have lower market value at this point because of the perceived risk the employer is taking. That sucks, but better to admit that than to bluff and find yourself unemployable.<p>Good luck! Let us know how it goes!