Having to reject someone can be a very stressful experience. I don't like the idea of purposefully inflicting that stress on others unless there's a chance we both could benefit.<p>"Getting rejected on purpose" sounds like I'd be picking situations where I know for sure I'll be rejected -- an inappropriate proposition, an undeserved request. I don't want to do that to someone else just to try to desensitize myself to rejection.
"Rejection Therapy" is the inaccurate, possibly dangerous meme version of a real therapy - in vivo desensitization.<p>Conquering fear is done by facing your fears not by intentionally going out with the expectation that things will go bad. Pessimism is just another defence mechanism from the true vulnerability of ambiguity.<p>This meme is just psychologically wrong in so many ways.<p>- Seeking rejection creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where you will be more likely to be rejected.<p>- When you are rejected in this way, instead of processing it maturely, you're going to say "Oh it was part of my rejection therapy. I didn't really even want or expect to be accepted. Add one point to the scoreboard!." This is an attempt to dodge the reality of what happened - rejection is a negative thing. It's not the end of the world, but it also is probably not cause for celebration. You aren't fooling anyone (including yourself) by telling yourself it is positive. Anytime you are rejected from something you care about you are going to have sad feelings at the least. The way to handle these is to face them, own them, feel them, realize they will go away, and try again another day. But inflicting this on yourself on purpose is masochism and unhealthy.<p>- For most people, experiencing a lot of rejection will not make them less fearful of rejection, it will make them more fearful. They will come to expect rejection more and then avoid behaviours that they believe will lead to it.<p>- The effective, scientifically proven way to face your fears is to do it piece by piece, in small bites, and to recognize that if you are not allowing yourself to be truly emotionally vulnerable, you are not really facing your fear of rejection. The fear of rejection is about asking for something you want and then feeling the uncomfortable vulnerable feelings of ambiguity. It's about making yourself emotionally vulnerable - you genuinely want something and will be happy to receive it and sad to be denied it. This is true vulnerability. You cannot avoid the pain of rejection, you can only learn to process it when it happens, and to have the courage to risk that pain because you know it's all for a greater good. But inflicting this pain on yourself needlessly is masochistic and will likely lead to more phobias and anxiety, not less.<p>Those who are having trouble with fear - look up systematic desensitization and in vivo desensitization. Also, remember that true courage means allowing yourself to be vulnerable. And vulnerability means allowing for the instance where you feel bad. A coward is someone who finds ways to avoid any chance of feeling bad. A courageous person is one who is willing to risk losing something he desires because he knows that it is a smart risk.
Rejection therapy has gotten a lot of coverage on HN recently, and for good reason.<p>A lot of people on the Internet use rejection therapy to get over their fears of asking the cute girl out for coffee or going to the trendy nightclub they've never entered before. Here at HN, however, I think rejection therapy is able to really shine: sitting down for lunch with some VC's or C-level executives takes courage, and pitching your idea is <i>literally</i> asking for it to get shot down. It takes a lot of courage, but in the end it's worth it to take the risk for the slim chance of reward. In fact, many aspects of the startup lifestyle involve putting your neck out there in hopes that someone will see your idea and love it just as much as you do.<p>I haven't played the "Rejection Therapy" game, but I feel like everyone is afraid of getting rejected from <i>something</i>. It gives me the holiday season warm fuzzy feelings when I know that people are following a system that will improve themselves.
This is great! One of the reasons 2010 has been so wonderful for me is because of the lack of fear I've had! It took awhile for me to get over all of this... half of 2008, all of 2009, and the beginning of 2010 were all wasted because I was too scared to do anything!<p>Two years of my life could (and would) have been better spent working in a field I love on projects I enjoy with people that constantly push me to excel but because of the rejection I experienced (mostly in my own head, mind you) in the first half of 2008, I froze and was unable to get past it. Well, thank [insert higher power of choice here] for that because this year I'm back on the horse and 2011 brings nothing but amazing potential and a blank slate every day for me to fill.<p>To anyone stuck where I was: Keep pushing forward. When you realize that the rejection is your own head working against you, you'll finally feel free. It gets different!
"This week, each one of you has a homework assignment. You're going to go out and start a fight with a total stranger...
You're gonna start a fight...and you're gonna lose."
One great way of doing this is to interview for jobs that you think you're not qualified enough for. I've gone to so many interviews over the years, that after a while it doesn't matter if some company X doesn't take you. You just stop worrying.<p>I have a couple of friends who never go to interviews, unless their skills match the job description almost perfectly. They rob themselves of chances to get more money, more experience.<p>"Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them." -- Shit My Dad Says