TE
TechEcho
Home24h TopNewestBestAskShowJobs
GitHubTwitter
Home

TechEcho

A tech news platform built with Next.js, providing global tech news and discussions.

GitHubTwitter

Home

HomeNewestBestAskShowJobs

Resources

HackerNews APIOriginal HackerNewsNext.js

© 2025 TechEcho. All rights reserved.

What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

544 pointsby r0n0j0yover 5 years ago

39 comments

nuggetover 5 years ago
In my experience extreme workaholism can often be a way to avoid or defer major life decisions that someone doesn't want to make or even consciously recognize. High status careers are often structured, full of positive feedback loops, and well compensated, all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date, even (perhaps especially) in highly rational or analytical thinkers. Eventually the debt comes due but sometimes not until many decades later.
评论 #21901801 未加载
评论 #21900694 未加载
评论 #21901058 未加载
评论 #21900971 未加载
评论 #21900207 未加载
评论 #21901969 未加载
评论 #21900871 未加载
评论 #21900077 未加载
评论 #21902021 未加载
评论 #21902851 未加载
评论 #21902216 未加载
评论 #21902138 未加载
评论 #21902870 未加载
评论 #21901722 未加载
评论 #21906944 未加载
评论 #21903972 未加载
评论 #21900179 未加载
评论 #21900268 未加载
评论 #21902590 未加载
hackworksover 5 years ago
Analogous to “putting all eggs in a single basket”, the risks are very high.<p>You end up becoming hyper sensitive at work, start taking everything personal -well, it is your identity or ego at stake. Leads be becoming very closed, guarded and aggressive. Everyday becomes a fight for survival.<p>I personally went through this phase for a long time. Looking back, some of my managers exploited this by reinforcing. They knew if they compare me with anyone, I would up the competition and perform even better. This did not cost them money since I had invested myself, my identity and ego 100%. Overall, resulted in a highly competitive team but extremely stressful and caustic!<p>After changing teams, I decided to take a step back and make a fresh start. I now work for the love of my work and do not let it represent who&#x2F;what I am. It is my identity at work. Back home or with friends, I have a different identity. Having multiple things to fallback has made me more resilient and lot more positive.
评论 #21901586 未加载
评论 #21901040 未加载
mmsimangaover 5 years ago
We have a saying back home that goes, &quot;umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu&quot; which literally translates to a person is a person because of other people. So in effect in Africa we care more about people than our jobs. Trouble is when your job is managing national electricity company it isn&#x27;t a good approach because we tend to put our relationships above our jobs. Result is patchy electricity supply. It is one (just one not the main reason) of the reasons we are behind when it comes to development. Development as in clean running water, functional clinics.<p>I sort of straddle both worlds. In software development you need to get it right. At home people are more important. As an example just today in-laws visiting where supposed to go to see touristy sights at 11 in the morning. They eventually left at 3pm because we all had loads to catch up on. People first :-).
评论 #21901814 未加载
评论 #21901792 未加载
评论 #21901683 未加载
overgardover 5 years ago
I was just rereading this Last Psychiatrist article that this really reminds me of: <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;thelastpsychiatrist.com&#x2F;2014&#x2F;01&#x2F;randi_zuckerberg.html" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;thelastpsychiatrist.com&#x2F;2014&#x2F;01&#x2F;randi_zuckerberg.htm...</a> (Like with all of TLP it meanders a lot and will probably piss you off. It&#x27;s also highly entertaining!)<p>This is the important bit:<p>&gt; One of our time&#x27;s great sociological questions is why we filled downtime back up with work, and the reason is it&#x27;s better than alcoholism. At some point during the Truman Administration home life became more stressful than work life, where stressful is defined either as hysterical drama or rheumatismy boredom, and by Reagan II the home was no longer a respite from modern society&#x27;s incessant demands to produce or at the very least a place to get a nap. ...<p>&gt; Part of the reason work and home keep mixing despite our professed desires is that that&#x27;s how Americans were taught to see an aspirational adult life. In every TV show and movie after Leave It To Beaver the gimmick has always been that the protagonist&#x27;s job and personal life overlap-- doctors in love, CIA agents defending their family, late nights at the office trading zingers or abuse stories. While we no longer think we want the overlap, the shows reinforced the false psychology that a person is something, all the time and everywhere, and the backdrop world &quot;sees&quot; it, accepts it. This applies just as much to negative depictions of work&#x2F;life overlap, e.g. the obsessed cop whose wife is now divorcing him because of the job: the point isn&#x27;t that the overlap is &quot;good&quot;, that&#x27;s not the aspiration; the point is that the structure of these depictions represents the fundamental narcissistic fantasy: a fixed and clear identity-- a character-- seen by a potential audience. This is why home is not relaxing: <i>we are working to not let it be all that we are</i>. [emphasis mine]
评论 #21915379 未加载
JMTQp8lwXLover 5 years ago
My pursuit of financial independence consequently led to my career becoming my identity. I&#x27;ve optimized for raising my income and savings to reduce &quot;time to FI&quot;, that by the time I get there -- about 4 years, give or take -- that I&#x27;ve become the thing I explicitly set out to remove from my life. It&#x27;s not that I don&#x27;t like working, but I wish to do so on my own terms. Maybe that means short-term contracts a few months out of the year, and having that reduced income cover my living expenses, supplemented with investments. I&#x27;ve done the numbers many times, but I&#x27;ve spent little time considering what I&#x27;ll do with all that extra time.
评论 #21901293 未加载
评论 #21900603 未加载
zomglingsover 5 years ago
This is a thinly veiled advertisement for the author&#x27;s psychological services - the company they <i>had</i> to start to solve this problem.<p>It is hard to get anywhere in this world without working your ass off. It is a sign of extreme privilege to even have the freedom to complain about it.
评论 #21900859 未加载
评论 #21900691 未加载
jblowover 5 years ago
Bad article, in part because of the incomplete title. It should be called &quot;What happens when your career becomes your whole identity, when you don&#x27;t like your job and think it&#x27;s a waste of time&quot;. If this latter part is not true, there is much less of a problem, but for some reason current mainstream American culture wants to extrapolate all the way to &quot;work should be compartmentalized and minimized&quot;.<p>The problem is, work is where a lot of people find meaning in life. For those people, more work means more meaning, and you&#x27;re hurting them by telling them otherwise, especially if they are too young to know better than what you are telling them. And you&#x27;re also preventing young people from becoming outliers ... what would be the cost to our society, and to the individuals personally, if Einstein, Dirac, Pauli, or whoever had been told to cut down on the amount of time they spend thinking about physics stuff, they need to achieve good work&#x2F;life balance.<p>A lot of people in China are working pretty hard. If you want your country to get whomped by China economically and geopolitically, spread the idea that it&#x27;s bad to work hard.<p>Americans in the past, back when America was able to coordinate to do ambitious things, worked pretty hard. So if you want to have a country that is unable to recreate glories of the past, spread the idea that it&#x27;s bad to work hard.<p>All this only happens if you have an idea of work as a draining thing, a net negative on the individual doing the work. But I am happier because of the work that I have done. I am a better person than I was before.<p>Nobody goes to the kung fu school and says &quot;hey it&#x27;s bad to exercise this much, you shouldn&#x27;t kick so high or punch so fast, just make sure not to train that much, okay?&quot; But for some reason we have decided it&#x27;s okay to give people this advice in other realms. You know what, I never felt as good physically as I did when I was in serious kung fu training. (Never looked as good either).<p>If you are in a job that actually <i>is</i> damaging if you do it too much for too long, then by all means, minimize that -- but you know what, in today&#x27;s world, there are always proximal things you can do that are not damaging that will improve your job or your ability to do your job over time.<p>But advice like this does not make the distinction between jobs that are damaging and jobs that aren&#x27;t. We&#x27;re losing the idea that the latter thing exists, and I think that is very bad for the overall development of our society.
评论 #21903658 未加载
评论 #21903621 未加载
评论 #21903081 未加载
评论 #21905213 未加载
adamredwoodsover 5 years ago
For many years my career was my entire identity: I really, really wanted to be a designer. I thought it was the coolest thing EVER.<p>Then my son was born and I couldn&#x27;t quite make this designer career&#x2F;life that I wanted. I also realized I wasn&#x27;t AMAZING at it, but I was GOOD at it. I couldn&#x27;t quite get over that threshold. So therefore, not being at the top of my game and trying to feed my family became a problem.<p>I gave it up and became a programmer, which I don&#x27;t attach myself too as much these days. I tell people I&#x27;m a parent first, board gamer second, programmer third. Whereas before, I was a designer-everything.<p>Life is always changing-- change with it.
2T1Qka0rEiProver 5 years ago
My mother was very much like this. When she retired, she found it quite hard to re-adjust. Fortunately she has a few hobbies to fall back on.<p>Personally, I find it quite a hard balance to get right. On the one hand, tying your identity whole-heartedly to your profession seems dangerous. On the other, being entirely apathetic about it seems like a waste of a life (that is, one spent mostly <i>at work</i>). I try to hang somewhere in the middle, but it&#x27;s something I try to stay on top of.
评论 #21900104 未加载
minblasterover 5 years ago
“ The test of whether people love what they do is whether they&#x27;d do it even if they weren&#x27;t paid for it—even if they had to work at another job to make a living. How many corporate lawyers would do their current work if they had to do it for free, in their spare time, and take day jobs as waiters to support themselves?”<p><a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.paulgraham.com&#x2F;love.html" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.paulgraham.com&#x2F;love.html</a><p>If you aren’t honest with yourself about why you got into a profession it may wear against your psyche and burn you out. The lawyer knew chasing status would require a sacrifice of happiness, time, and relationships but didn’t want to admit it.
评论 #21900160 未加载
forrestthewoodsover 5 years ago
I love my job. My work is interesting. My peers are delightful. I’ve had great jobs and a great career.<p>My job is not my whole identity. It is 0% of my identity. It’s just a job. If I had FU money I’d peace out tomorrow and work on hobby projects in my spare time.<p>These days I feel like I’m the oddball. I don’t associate my job or hobby with my identity. I couldn’t tell you my “identity” if I tried. I’m a soup of likes, dislikes, hopes, fears, and more. I don’t really understand why people try to put their identity in a tight box with a neat label.
评论 #21900374 未加载
makecheckover 5 years ago
I’ve seen a few “20 year” or “30 year” managers. I can’t help but wonder how their methods might have varied if they had been exposed to even <i>one</i> other organization’s way of doing things. Also, do they subconsciously value “company-loyal” employees over others with equivalent or superior experience?<p>Generally I feel that varied experiences matter more, even if you get unlucky and spend a handful of years in a less-stellar team.
chrisellesover 5 years ago
I’ve often seen it with military personnel who fail in their transition from their military to post-military lives.<p>Some people invest so much of themselves into just a singular self-identity they are permanently anchored to it unless&#x2F;until a forcing function compels an existential change.<p>I believe competing interests for time such as passions&#x2F;hobbies and side hustles provide bridges from one employment career to another.<p>However, the mirror to workaholism is having too many passions&#x2F;hobbies and side hustles outside of work leading to distraction and dilution.<p>Broad, deep, and substantial focus on singular topics&#x2F;areas is important, for a time.<p>People want their lives to have meaning, often measured thru impactful and measurable work.<p>But not at the expense of losing one’s option to seek balance and joy.
Causality1over 5 years ago
I wonder what the money equivalent is of the term &quot;first world problems&quot;. Millions of Americans spend sixty hours a week at work and still worry about whether they need to give up their health insurance this year so they can afford to replace their fifteen year old car because they&#x27;ll lose their job if it breaks down and makes them late again.
评论 #21902417 未加载
sandooooover 5 years ago
Here&#x27;s a common sentiment amongst those with too much time on their hands:<p>&quot;When I am on my deathbed, I don&#x27;t want to look back on my life with regret.&quot;<p>The deathbed part of your life isn&#x27;t even that long. Probably a week or something. And probably you&#x27;ll spend much of it being distracted by morphine and excruciating pain, leaving no room for feeling sad about how shit your life was. Maybe you should just tell future-you to suck it up and let you play your xbox in peace.
评论 #21903929 未加载
评论 #21903474 未加载
评论 #21903649 未加载
mathgladiatorover 5 years ago
I recently started therapy because I relate to this. I&#x27;m a definitely a workaholic and I enjoy coding as an artform.<p>I found myself using work as an escape mechanism for my mother&#x27;s suicide, and it has taken me 11 years to realize that was a mistake and I should focus less on career and more on being a caring social person.<p>I have a really nice job and I&#x27;m thankful for what it has given me, but it is clear that I have to walk away and work on being happy rather than productive.
sandooooover 5 years ago
&gt;As a psychologist, I specialize in mental health challenges associated with high-pressure careers. People like Dan show up in my office every day — so often, in fact, I had to build a company, Azimuth Psychological, to focus on serving their needs.<p>Native advertising.
aSplash0fDerpover 5 years ago
The 21st century should provide a new model for &quot;lifestyle&quot; and career choices as longevity hits its stride and more studies are published.<p>Between self, relationships, health, career and hobbies, you can only reasonably pick 2 or 3 for prime year successes (except for a lucky&#x2F;talented&#x2F;free-rided few) and causes many to spread themselves too thin keeping up with tradition to enjoy success on any them by their golden years.<p>Its hard to tell if its caveman logic or the females biological clock that dictates rushing into everything at an early age, but career burnout, high divorce rates and health&#x2F;mental issues at an early age sacrifice too much for the meager returns.<p>We&#x27;ll have to compare notes at a later time, but digital natives may hit critical mass this decade (or next) and kick much of the analog work ethics, career timelines and family syncronization theories to the curb in favor of delayed milestones (career and otherwise) as we inch closer to 100 year life-spans with proper planning.
k__over 5 years ago
I always feel a bit sad when I see people who are younger than me and much more successful with their career.<p>But on the other hand I don&#x27;t work much (&lt;20h&#x2F;week) so it&#x27;s probably okay.
评论 #21900668 未加载
hyperpalliumover 5 years ago
<i>déformation professionnelle</i> <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;D%C3%A9formation_professionnelle" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;D%C3%A9formation_professionnelle</a>
jarielover 5 years ago
Furthermore I fundamentally believe that individuals in this state have their social and political opinions shaped by their enmeshed, single professional identity.<p>I believe professionals such as this are far more likely to only have opions which avoid controversy or are on the side of a social current consistent with those in their industry or customers at large.<p>Their personal choices become indistinguishable from that of a well thought out PR team.<p>In particular I suggest this phenom is right at the root of a lot of localist vs globalist antagonism. Most professionals would probably err on the side of economic liberalism in the more general sense because it makes sense for their enmeshed professional identity.<p>But the personal identity which is obfuscated may have much more connection with the community,uch more likely to know and empathize with those affected. Or maybe even just at odds with the professional identity for whatever reason.<p>When I left my very corporate job it took me months to realise how free I was to have basically any opinion that I wanted and didn&#x27;t realize how much I must have been orienting my thoughts into a direction that would be acceptable to my peers. (or what I thought would be acceptable).<p>I&#x27;m very supportive of the fact there is research on this.
bsanr2over 5 years ago
I feel like many workplaces push you to do this, regardless of the prospects. I&#x27;ve worked dead-end admin positions where I was expected to give inordinate amount of myself - my time, my energy, my focus - to work that was, as per the dead end-edness, not going to lead to positive renumeration vis á vis the investment. There was no awareness of where the job, the business, the industry really was, a predictable but unfortunate result of the decision-makers being either people in one of the few positions or people gunning (with realistic prospects of achieving) one. Just a sort of blind adherence to corporate dogma. Meanwhile, the HN et al. line is, &quot;Those are only transitory jobs, it&#x27;s okay that they don&#x27;t pay a living wage or treat you with any dignity, you&#x27;re supposed to move on from them.&quot; Not within the organization, apparently. So we&#x27;re to betray the people who gave us the opportunity which we&#x27;re supposed to be so appreciative of? Doesn&#x27;t that go directly against that corporate dogma we&#x27;re around every day?<p>The unspoken and contradictory of etiquette of the American workplace is frustrating and demoralizing.
code4teeover 5 years ago
Certain high achievers in their career use their career as a cover for general failings in other parts of their life. I’ve seen it a few times and it ends badly when it all finally catches up to them, often too late in life to do much about it. Some people are very happy to have their career be their whole identity, but most don’t think that way and define “success” as success across multiple areas of their life.
Lynolixover 5 years ago
It&#x27;s better than your whole identity and existence constituting clinical depression, video games and <i>no</i> career—let alone work history.
评论 #21907280 未加载
hprotagonistover 5 years ago
That drum major instinct is a real fucker if you don’t see it for what it is and point it in the right direction. <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;kinginstitute.stanford.edu&#x2F;king-papers&#x2F;documents&#x2F;drum-major-instinct-sermon-delivered-ebenezer-baptist-church" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;kinginstitute.stanford.edu&#x2F;king-papers&#x2F;documents&#x2F;dru...</a>
0klover 5 years ago
I disagree that “enmeshment” is always bad. What we do, especially when we are fortunate enough to choose and enjoy our careers, are fundamental to who we are and the narrative that work is solely there to provide income is not always true.<p>We spend the majority of our time, effort, and thought around our work. To say that none of this should touch on our identity would be doing a disservice to the majority of our time spent living.<p>It is true, that some people are not “enmeshed”, but are consumed with work, but what about the people that do find happiness and fulfillment in their “high-powered” job? Dan’s failure to recognize his own needs are not a reflection of “enmeshment” being bad, but a reminder that if you do not pay attention to your own wants and desires you will be unhappy, regardless of how successful you are. That if you do need the job and hate it, to make sure you’re making the right trade-offs to have a happy life - see the recommendations in the article for how.
quotemstrover 5 years ago
This anti-work ethic you see crop up once in a while is delusion. Success comes from perseverance, not idleness or detachment.<p>A few days ago, there was an article from some CEO claiming that you don&#x27;t need to work hard to succeed. Today, we have an article from HBR cautioning about becoming too invested in one&#x27;s work. This sentiment is dangerous. It&#x27;s harmful to teach young people to be cynical, indifferent, and lazy, because the vast majority of progress really is made by the passionate and dedicated genius, not the detached crank-turner that HBR writers want impressionable young people to become.<p>Have a few people succeed without trying? Sure. They were stupid and lucky. Are you one of these people? Almost certainly not. Look at the history of science and innovation: the truth that emerges is that breakthroughs come not from relaxation, but from a combination of passion and hard work.
评论 #21901131 未加载
评论 #21900676 未加载
评论 #21900334 未加载
评论 #21900332 未加载
评论 #21900221 未加载
评论 #21901811 未加载
评论 #21913014 未加载
评论 #21901425 未加载
JDiculousover 5 years ago
The problem is that we&#x27;re often expected to make our career our identity. If you don&#x27;t, then you get passed over for a promotion&#x2F;hire while the workaholic gets a promotion.<p>This problem is especially acute in the U.S. where one of the first questions people ask each other when they meet is &quot;what do you do&quot;
AnimalMuppetover 5 years ago
What happens? Your marriage suffers (if you have one). Your children suffer (if you have any). And you suffer.<p>And it&#x27;s not just work. If your side project becomes your whole identity, the same is true.
quickthrower2over 5 years ago
This is a framework for thinking about resilience <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.theresiliencedoughnut.com.au&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.theresiliencedoughnut.com.au&#x2F;</a>.<p>In a nutshell if you build all your esteem from work, you only get 1&#x2F;2 of the 7 factors i.e. Skill, Money. But you need at least 3 and ideally more to whether life&#x27;s shocks. If you lose your job&#x2F;career you might be left with zero. But if you also invest in say friends and community, losing your job is less of a blow.
mirimirover 5 years ago
I&#x27;ve had four careers, and each one became pretty much my whole identity. For some years, anyway. But eventually, I found myself becoming interested in something else. And eventually, that something else became a career. After a period of chaos, anyway.<p>And now my privacy&#x2F;anonymity hobby has basically become a career. Except that I mostly don&#x27;t get paid. Which isn&#x27;t an issue.
Nikaotoover 5 years ago
The Art of Manliness podcast had a great episode about this: <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.artofmanliness.com&#x2F;articles&#x2F;podcast-547-achieving-success-through-the-pursuit-of-fulfillment" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.artofmanliness.com&#x2F;articles&#x2F;podcast-547-achievin...</a><p>Made me think harder about the specific things I enjoy about programming.<p>The book Dark Horse expands on the topic.
sjg007over 5 years ago
Everyone who defines themselves by their job should move to LA for a few years. In LA everyone is an actor just working a different job until they make it.
mrtronover 5 years ago
I know many farmers.
not_a_mothover 5 years ago
Think only problematic insomuch as your career doesn&#x27;t equal your higher calling, i.e. your career is status driven or following the herd.
评论 #21900226 未加载
评论 #21899915 未加载
dominotwover 5 years ago
work as identity burnout as lifestyle - erza klien had a good podcast about this llast year.
Animatsover 5 years ago
It beats changing diapers.
reddogover 5 years ago
You can love your job but it will never love you back.
viburnumover 5 years ago
If you’re the kind of person is always troubled by something (most people are), directing that unsettled nagging feeling into your work is the best thing you can do.