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Life Without Children

19 pointsby ramniqueabout 5 years ago

14 comments

abnryabout 5 years ago
&gt;It’s not a great world to be raising kids right now.<p>It&#x27;s never been a great world to raise children in. Years ago the child mortality rate meant every family had a Jimmy that wouldn&#x27;t make it to age 5.<p>It bugs me no end when people assert without citation that the world is worse than it ever was. One thing to keep in mind is that our awareness of the bad things in the world has certainly gone up due to our digital connectivity but that is not the same thing as actual crime, sickness, etc., going up.
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rocketpastsixabout 5 years ago
This article sits weird with me. I am not having kids, nor is my partner. We are both medically unable to do so. I never really wanted to have kids, however this article is full of cons and almost zero pros to having a kid, something OP seems to have not even thought of.<p>Are kids a massive responsibility? Yes. Can they be a burden? Yes. Can they also bring parents an immense amount of joy, happiness, pride and adjacently a sense of accomplishment? Yes. One of my favorite memories as a kid was going to Disney World with my parents, and seeing them enjoy mine and my brothers reactions to something they both enjoyed. That gave them so much joy.<p>I won&#x27;t judge people for choosing to have kids or not. But this whole childfree&#x2F;look at me and all my money &amp; less responsibility attitude is lame.
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teh_klevabout 5 years ago
&gt; It’s not a great world to be raising kids right now.<p>I was born in the late 60&#x27;s and lived through 20 years of nuclear weapons proliferation fearing all out nuclear conflict (when Reagan won the US presidency my nuclear apocalypse anxieties stepped up a gear). My parents lived through the Cuban missile crisis as early 20-somethings wondering if the world had just bitten the big green banana. Add to that the destabilising proxy wars and games between the Soviet Union and the US around the world.<p>Was that a great world to be raising kids? Probably not but they still went ahead had me and then my brother. The world has always been a dangerous place but it shouldn&#x27;t prevent you from bringing kids into the world because that generation might be the one that nudges the world towards being a better place. It&#x27;s a bit of a failure of imagination to think the way the author does. Also I suspect the author is much younger than me, perhaps with parents around my age, they wouldn&#x27;t be here if their parents had thought the same way, lucky (I hope) for them they didn&#x27;t.<p>That being said, I don&#x27;t have kids, not because of any of the reasons listed in that somewhat flawed article, I just never got around to it and I&#x27;m terrible at sustaining relationships that last long enough for me to have been comfortable being a dad. There is a part of me that wishes I did, but I don&#x27;t obsess over it.
raghavaabout 5 years ago
&gt; It’s not a great world to be raising kids right now.<p>This seems to be like one absolutely weird and baseless moral panic.<p>What was good time then? During medieval times&#x2F;WW1&#x2F;WW2&#x2F;60s&#x2F;80&#x2F;90s? If any, world&#x27;s been the same all the time. The have-nots being looted by those who have &#x27;em. Just that the tech makes it a lot visible, is all.
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aivisolabout 5 years ago
Having kids is definitely a major inconvenience and huge financial burden, that&#x27;s for sure. If you look it from that perspective, then there are almost only cons and no pros. But if this the only perspective you can look at this, then you are probably not ready to have kids yet.
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mcvabout 5 years ago
The biggest reason not to have children may be missing: responsibility. Raising a child is a massive responsibility, and one not everybody is well-equipped, or willing, to bear. It&#x27;s no easy task, and it takes precedence over everything else. The news is filled with stories involving parents who probably should never have had children.<p>I have two children, and I&#x27;m really glad I do, but I would never judge anyone for choosing not to.
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bart_spoonabout 5 years ago
What&#x27;s strange to me is how the insecure the child free crowd seems to be regarding their choice. The seemingly never ending need to patronizingly justify that choice, to the point of moralizing the issue (as the author does), is bizarre. It comes off like the individual is seeking reassurance for their life choice. This isn&#x27;t the 1950s. No one cares if you decide to have children or not.
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pnw_hazorabout 5 years ago
Parenting isn&#x27;t for everyone so I don&#x27;t judge.<p>But for me it happened to be most amazing thing in my life so far.<p>Clearly, the posted article is not very serious, the list of cons seem very shallow as compared to the deep lifelong joys that may come of parenthood.<p>My first child was unplanned and unwanted by me anyway. Having a child in college was definitely not part of my Grand Plan. I wasn&#x27;t on speaking terms with his mom but thankfully she still invited me to his birth. As soon as I saw his bloody little head my life changed for the better forever. Then I went home to get some sleep before a calculus final.<p>Now, thirty years later, with only one daughter remaining in college, my wife and I have plenty of time and money to enjoy our freedom. Though not a second goes by that I don&#x27;t miss my babies.
nunezabout 5 years ago
These aren&#x27;t very strong arguments because the decision to have kids is a very emotional one.<p>You&#x27;ll have more freedom and a bigger wallet without kids. This has been known since forever. That&#x27;s why my wife and I aren&#x27;t having them (at the moment).<p>You&#x27;ll also have someone to teach and grow with kids, which _can_ help make the world a better place. That&#x27;s why several of our friends have families.
sarasasa28about 5 years ago
this article has to much soy milk
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mikelotharabout 5 years ago
TLDR: This article is written by someone who never had kids, someone who never asked her parents if they&#x27;d ever regret having her.
puppetmasterabout 5 years ago
I have children, and I enjoy them. Both my wife and I have well paid jobs in the tech industry.<p>Having children requires sacrifices. As with any decision, there is an inevitable cost of opportunity, but what we get from caring for these loved little human beings... Is priceless!<p>I understand the narrative of the author. This is a narrative of an individual whose core values are &quot;success&quot;, material accumulation as proof of it, and individual freedoms. It is true, having children will require a lot of &quot;operation expenses&quot;, and much of the time available for &quot;yourself&quot; needs to be invested into your children. I respect that for some people it is not a sacrifice that they are willing to do, and I don&#x27;t think people should have children because it is the next step.<p>But I see a problem in this narrative, and it is that it describes having children as a mistake. Again, it is a mistake for the author, but I can hardly see how it is a &quot;universal mistake&quot;. It reminds me a bit of game theory, and the idea of &quot;Nash&#x27;s equilibrium&quot;: Players are the society as a whole, some choose to have kids, some choose not to have kids, both have a penalty, yet in the long run they both benefit from their choices (individually and mutually).<p>I am also concerned about empathy. Daily I realize how difficult it is for some people without children to understand my choice, and the sacrifices it requires. Yes I am happy with my choice, but lack of empathy makes it particularly difficult to avoid choices with a larger cost than it should: Should I stay with my kids when they are sick? Or go to that meeting that is (as most meetings) better done as an email ;). My kids need me, emotionally. If I am with them, I am making a world of a difference for them... and in the future for society, because they will have safe attachment!<p>The reality is Humanity needs people to choose to have children, not all of us, some of us. We, having children, need empathy, recognition, and help from society. I don&#x27;t think science and technology are going to solve the need for childhood anytime soon.<p>But I understand, you don&#x27;t want to have kids. Good for you! Some people will even thank you, don&#x27;t succumb to the pressure to have them &quot;because it is next&quot;, and most importantly... Please don&#x27;t forget you are here because someone did the best they could to bring you to this world (and probably made some mistakes, but mostly, they just wanted the best for you).<p>PS: It also comes to mind &quot;Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind&quot; by Yuval Harari... Not so much on topic, but I like the door it opens for empathy via the understanding of different narratives, and how they are just constructs.
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troughwayabout 5 years ago
Children are the only future we have.
nononono109about 5 years ago
Anyone who finds themselves tending towards this nihilistic, fatalistic worldview desperately needs to recognise the extremely harmful predicament they find themselves in and work instead towards a life of meaning and purpose. I would further urge them to reflect on who is playing the fiddle that is leading them down this terrible path so that they can go forward with knowledge of their enemy.<p>Children are your purpose. Not your travel or dinner dates. Not your goddamn career. Your Excel spreadsheets will not be there holding your hand on your deathbed. Your dinner dates with equally-unproductive and increasingly-ageing friends are little more than a coping mechanism. They will mean nothing compared to the memories of childish giggles over the family dinner table.<p>You didn&#x27;t come this far to just shrivel up and die. Your ancestors didn&#x27;t build you a nation, defend it with their lives, bestow upon you and awe-inspiring culture and history just so that you could hit your sales projections and get drunk in Ibiza.<p>Your employer will hire someone else, your friends will move on, your clients won&#x27;t even remember you. All that matters is family. And in your children, and their children after them, you will live on forever. Just as your ancestors do in you.<p>Don&#x27;t be these forty-somethings realising they&#x27;ve left it too late and now have the last 50 years of their lives to twiddle away doing meaningless junk. Don&#x27;t be that pitiful retired couple trying to fill the void with cruises and musicals.<p>You know that pang in your chest when you see the beautiful family walking down the street? You know the one. Bright, happy kids full of life, parents full of the pride and joy that can only be found in love and family. For god&#x27;s sake don&#x27;t deprive yourself of that, not for the shallow hedonism of a pay packet and extended youth.<p>You want that too. You know you do.
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