The Last Post

I take my life for granted. I take the adoration my two year old son has of me, for granted. I take my wife's love and caring for granted. I do all this, thinking that what I build today will provide a better future for all of us. And I could be wrong.<p>I could shut my laptop when he squirms his way between me and the desk and wiggles his way on to my lap. I could switch my context when my wife sits down next to me aching for a conversation. I could spend more time with both of them.<p>I can pretty much be sure when I say I will not be the next Zuckerberg. There are many things that vy for my attention throughout the day and night. But there is only one thing both of them needs and which I squander.<p>I do not want to look back and regret. I am going home right now and I am going to kiss my wife and hug my kid.<p>Ciao.

I didn't know Derek, but reading this I'll miss him, but thank him for this.<p>Between this post, "Cranking" (<a href="http://www.43folders.com/2011/04/22/cranking" rel="nofollow">http://www.43folders.com/2011/04/22/cranking</a>) and the fact I have a second child probably coming Very Soon Now, I have to admit I'm sitting back and thinking hard about where I've spent, and am spending my time. I'm thinking about all the wasted time and opportunities I've accrued over the past 31 years.<p>I'm thinking about all the time spent arguing with people on the internet and giving up my free time to change some small part of the world, and not playing with my almost four year old daughter, or talking with my beautiful wife.<p>Take stock in your life and make sure you're following your passions. Make sure you try to remember and capture every moment before it's gone. Change the world while you're still here.<p>Appreciate the world while you're still here.

I've posted this a few times now, but always feel it is worth posting again when I read these types of blog postings and see the comments they inspire. It has been attributed to Jorge Luis Borges, but many disagree with that. At any rate, it inspires me...<p>"Instantes"<p>If I were able to live my life anew, in the next I would try to commit more errors. I would not try to be so perfect, I would relax more. I would be more foolish than I've been, In fact, I would take few things seriously. I would be less hygienic. I would run more risks, take more vacations, contemplate more sunsets, climb more mountains, swim more rivers. I would go to more places where I've never been, I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans, I would have more real problems and less imaginary ones.<p>I was one of those people that lived sensibly and prolifically each minute of his life; Of course I had moments of happiness. If I could go back I would try to have only good moments. Because if you didn't know, of that is life made: only of moments; Don't lose the now.<p>I was one of those that never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot-water bottle, an umbrella, and a parachute; If I could live again, I would travel lighter. If I could live again, I would begin to walk barefoot from the beginning of spring and I would continue barefoot until autumn ends. I would take more cart rides, contemplate more dawns, and play with more children, If I had another life ahead of me.<p>But already you see, I am 85, and I know that I am dying.

This post made me glad I'm living the life I'm living now. I'm 31 years old -- 32 in a month -- and while my daughter is at school, I spend the day programming, running errands, reading, chatting with RL friends via IRC, playing video games, browsing Reddit and HN. When she gets home, I make sure she does her homework, I make dinner, I sleep.<p>Every morning I get to wake up next to a beautiful, brilliant girl who's several years my junior but emotionally more mature than me. I have never felt better about another person in my life.<p>I have no bills, I maintain a modest lifestyle and am attending university for a degree in a subject matter that simultaneously I love and will make me some extra money down the road when I need it.<p>Every day, I set my own schedule, fitted around picking up &#38; dropping off my daughter at school. Beyond the normal stresses of being a single parent, my life is astoundingly, remarkably, wonderfully, joyously stress-free. For the first time in my life.<p>Reading Derek's post has affirmed the decisions I've made to put me in this position. I regret nothing, and just about every day is awesome. If you've read this far, please don't take this as shameless bragging. It is a sincere expression of gratitude to Derek, and a grinning shout of relief at the sky that I have let so many unnecessary, trivial things fall away from my life over the past few years.

I often think that some people die "before their time" so that other people receive a unique, golden opportunity to learn to reprioritize their life. Thanks for that, Derek, again. (Didn't know you before.)<p>And yet it's real difficult to make good use of that opportunity; we people are so stubborn that we rarely change for the better of ourselves or for other people even if somebody goes lengths and dies to remind us that <i>we won't be here forever</i>.<p>Even worse, it might take a whole row of people dropping dead until we manage to corner ourselves into a position where we can no longer give ourselves a choice to postpone any necessary changes in our lives. But that's how it works, so can't complain.<p>I'm nearing that point myself, currently. It haunts me, all the time closer and closer. I can go only so far this way anymore until I have to take that other road and start living a bit differently: start living a life that is completely mine and not partially borrowed from anyone else.<p>I'm not there yet.<p>Maybe I need to bump into a few more deaths before I get zapped into alignment with all things relevant. I can just anticipate now, and that makes me both scared and thrilled.

You know, this is going to sound callous, but everybody dies. Any one of us could be killed in an accident tomorrow. All this "live without regrets" is just flatly impossible, and a waste of time to sit and worry about. Every choice has opportunity costs. I can't believe that anyone gets through life not wishing he could take back some decisions he made, but even if this were possible, those changes would have their own unintended consequences.<p>You are who you are. You love what you love. The world isn't perfect. Don't sit and think your priorities are "wrong" all the time.

This post has me wondering about the health of my figurative soul. Not because it didn't move me - it did. The last sentence definitely brought tears to my eyes when I first read it, and then again when I thought of it again.<p>No, the reason it has me worried is because although I have people I care about, I don't think I love anybody so much that I'd rather spend time with them than work/learn/create things. When I think about starting a family, I worry about how much I'll regret not being able to devote my full energy to building intellectual edifices out of math, bits, and music. But I see most people here saying the opposite.<p>I'm trying to tell myself that this is only because I don't have kids. Surely, if I had kids, my whole perspective would change, and I'd become a more complete human being, right?

I was about to cry but didn't happen. I've been in this position before and I've had tears rolling down. But not this time. I have learned and I know that it's not as simple as taking things for granted or not. Those that are running to their wives and kids right now are just emotionally hijacked by the rush of whatever neurotransmitter is triggered in this situations. Tomorrow it will be different and a week from now even more. And that's OK. Life goes on and we have to explore other things, pursue new goals; and if we're wise enough, we'll find a way to find peace within ourselves.

My wife passed away unexpectedly at the age of 34 two years ago. The last line of Derek's post made me lose it, sitting here in my office at work.

There's nothing here that couldn't have been done before the Internet; but the instant ubiquity of such well-written final words seems to increase the emotional immediacy of it, for me.<p>I was taken aback.

As a kid I spent a lot of time wandering around a cemetery near my grand parent’s house, I read tombstones of folks, some of them younger than I was; That somehow numb my fear of death as I considered each day alive as a gift. Now as a father I fear death not because of actually leaving this world but dying before my kids are old enough to take care of themselves. I see Derek had the same fear and that must have been devastating for him, so sad. I pray and wish his daughters and wife well.

Cache (since it seems to be down now): <a href="http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://www.penmachine.com/2011/05/the-last-post" rel="nofollow">http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://...</a>

Currently looks overloaded, here it's text of hist last posts saved on pastebin: <a href="http://pastebin.ca/2053916" rel="nofollow">http://pastebin.ca/2053916</a>

So sad. This made me even more grateful for the life that I have. The transient nature of life is difficult to come to grips with. I wish Derek's family well.

I've nowhere near completed the life that Derek had (I'm only 23), but his "last post" has really inspired me to pay more attention to life, those around me, and what is truly important. This was a really thought provoking post. Take the time to read it, the lessons he teaches are invaluable.

The points he touches upon about things he will now never get to see has haunted me since a very early age personally. It was scary to think that the man who wrote these words which I have worried about for years has now passed away and won't get the opportunity to see what happens in 2061.<p>The final paragraph is the kicker and has my eyes watering up, I hope his family all the best and hopefully we'll see his two daughters do something just as great as Derek has done online!

Suddenly, none of my problems matter.

I'm trying very hard not to cry in front of my coworkers right now. A very emotional, great read. Unfortunate circumstances. Condolences to his family. :(

I knew Derek briefly on a professional level and knew he had cancer but we lost touch. Seeing his post here was how I learned he passed, he'd be honoured to know so many people care and that his words will live beyond him.

I worked with Derek on a few websites years ago, and though I've never met him in person (we lived in different parts of the country), he made a definite impression on me as a genuinely good and thoughtful person. Funny how some people just stand out in your memory, even after years have passed. My heart goes out to his family and friends right now. He will be missed by many of us.

Thx for the link, this was a <i>very</i> emotional read.

I hope this reminds people, especially in light of recent news, that cancer kills far more people in this country than terrorism ever has or will. We must do what we have to to keep our nation safe and secure, without doubt, but if we could spend this amount of money towards medical research and stop politicizing it, we could achieve wonders.

I'm gonna make tomorrow my best day ever.

I can't read this, it's too moving. Maybe in parts.

Thank you for sharing this. His life has now touched us all..

How much of a tear jerker was the last sentence?<p>"I loved you deeply, I loved you, I loved you, I loved you."

Thanks for posting this...so moving.<p>The strangers around us, even those we brush against on the web, are all fighting hard battles at some level. Compassion in the midst of our sometimes misguided inclination toward competition can keep us human, and sane.

While this was a beautiful and very moving post, I disagree with this:<p>&#62; I haven't gone to a better place, or a worse one. I haven't gone anyplace, because Derek doesn't exist anymore. As soon as my body stopped functioning, and the neurons in my brain ceased firing, I made a remarkable transformation: from a living organism to a corpse, like a flower or a mouse that didn't make it through a particularly frosty night. The evidence is clear that once I died, it was over.<p>With all due respect to Derek, and it's remarkable he was standing by his beliefs until the very end, he has no way of knowing that's what happened.