> I have told myself my marriage is different<p>Being in love <i>does</i> feel earth-shatteringly special, unimaginably unique, irreplaceable; but the author is right that that’s how everyone in love feels.<p>I don’t think that cheapens love, or means that my love for my spouse is “less” because others feel symmetrically the same, or even because I could have felt it with someone else, too.<p>I think that <i>is</i> what it is to be in love: an overwhelming all-consuming feeling of everything being one-of-a-kind and precious and Right. Thank God it’s not impossibly rare, or only possible under the most specific circumstances!<p>(This is not to say that love is easy or feels like that all the time—it takes a lot of work, but that work feels worth it and important because of how it feels during the moments when it <i>does</i> come effortlessly.)
This whole diamond ring thing feels uniquely American to me — in my part of the world this association of marriage with obscenely expensive diamonds is nowhere to be found.
It's about showing status and wealth, proof you can afford to dump money into an asset that immediately loses most of its monetary value. It's also something the recipient can show to her/their friends, which amounts to the same thing: "look how expensive an object my fianceé just burned his/their money on!" Proof of high economic status.<p>The ideal proposal object would be a thing that costs a billion dollars and loses 90% of that value as soon as you buy it. That would demonstrate both that your fianceé is a multi-billionaire, and if for some reason he/they dumps you, you're still more than set for life.<p>patio11 has talked about the situation in Japan, where, if I recall correctly, expensive engagement rings are not [as much] a thing, but the ability to plan a long honeymoon (taking extended time away from in-person work, since that is or was the norm) is a much stronger signal of status that everyone's impressed by.
I really wish I'd heard of this before I got married:<p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moissanite" rel="nofollow">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moissanite</a><p>Diamonds are tainted in the modern world. It costs nothing for the internet to reveal that they're actually not that rare, that lots of corrupt practices go into making them expensive, and that there are perfectly acceptable alternatives.
There's an idea in yogic philosophy that you can't truly know a thing until you experience it. The classic example is a mango - you can read about them, you can study their chemistry, you can ask questions of mango eaters, but until you taste a mango you can't know what a mango tastes like.<p>For most of my single life I thought of diamond engagement rings as something I'd like to get away without, or at worst begrudgingly buy. I understood the economics and history of diamonds and reached a logical conclusion.<p>And then 2 year ago, I bought a high grade diamond to propose to my wife and I loved it. From the process of visiting diamond dealers, to seeing it sparkle, to seeing her reaction - it's some of the best money I ever spent. I love seeing it on her hand now as she plays with our baby. I'll probably get joy out of seeing it for the rest of our lives. That comes out to cents per day over the next 40+ years. Worth it.<p>To be clear, it was never "the ring or the downpayment" kind of choice. I've seen people be dumb here. Don't do it. My point is that there's something to these rings beyond the analysis, much like tasting a mango.<p>The ring also indicates that I am serious. Yes that's "signaling" but with so many marriages failing because people are half-assed / don't have their shit together, it's a valuable signal.<p>So let's say DeBeers nailed product-market fit.<p>As for how special love/marriage is: we are partners in an enterprise of life, we chose to face the future and make people together. We both made the choice and understood its weight - and chose each other. What could be more meaningful?
The linked-to article is far more interesting and informative expose of the world of diamonds:<p><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/304575/" rel="nofollow">https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-yo...</a>
> Matt left a key for me for when I returned, and I waited in their bed, eating boxed cookies they had left and listening to a playlist they had made, until my eyes rolled shut.<p>As a non-native speaker, can anyone explain to me why „they” is used here? To me, this reads as if another person was involved here and is utterly confusing.
I'm pretty sure the authors relationship is special. I don't think real love is that common. People get together for different reasons. Children. A house. Sex. The status of having a partner. Yes, were always supposed to pretend those reasons do not exist. But they do. And they are common.
It's probably true, but a little bit silly to repeat that diamonds aren't special because there are many of them still in the ground. It's like saying furniture is worthless because there are so many trees, or music doesn't exist because air is all around us.<p>A diamond isn't just any stone, it's a stone that has been selected for its visual qualities and cut by an expert craftsman. It's a beautiful human artifact.<p>Sure, there is no fundamental reason to associate diamonds and "love", and the whole diamonds politics are horrifying -- but that doesn't mean diamonds aren't interesting or fascinating.
Diamonds, despite being very expensive, <i>aren't really all that expensive -- compared to the price of most marriages</i>...<p>You know, the long term fixed and recurring costs...<p>You know, the EBITDA, the COGS, the line items, the Chart Of Accounts, and all of that good stuff from Accounting... <g><p>In other words, if someone is getting married, the high cost of a diamond, while indeed substantial -- is still probably only going to be <i>the least of that married person's financial problems, present or future...</i> <g>
There's a lot of marketing in diamonds like in everything else. But there's also a lot of work involved in getting one fit for jewelry. And today with the competition of lab grown diamonds the price has gone down quite a bit. Speaking of lab grown: the price is not 1/10 of a natural one so you can see the prices while big are not in the riduculous territory like articles like this would have you believe.
The specialness and rarity of the love I share with my wife is not based on how few other couples have the same relationship but on how few other people we have the same feelings for.<p>But the author does have a point concerning diamonds.
This title is needlessly pithy. “Special” is relative in this world. Something doesn’t have to be special to everyone for it to be special to you. Fuck this author.