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Managing your boss: adjusting to narcissists, 'ghosts,' gaslighters

112 pointsby apressover 4 years ago

15 comments

marcodover 4 years ago
<p><pre><code> Q: What if you find yourself in a truly toxic work environment? A: My advice is to get out if you can. Toxic situations make you emotionally and physically sick. It can take years to recover. Have a good support network in place, limit your exposure with that toxic boss and stay under the radar. Adopt a survivor mentality until you can get out. </code></pre> Yes, this sounds obvious, but at my last job I could have really used somebody telling me as much.
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dandanuaover 4 years ago
This article is useless and gives no real advice except &quot;get out&quot;. To deal with abusers you have to learn to see tricks they use to emotionally destabilize their victims. For example, they can use hints and innuendos for intimidation. I wrote a blog post about such communication <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;dandanua.github.io&#x2F;posts&#x2F;counterfactual-communication-and-intimidation&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;dandanua.github.io&#x2F;posts&#x2F;counterfactual-communicatio...</a><p>Also, you can&#x27;t really &quot;manage&quot; your boss if he&#x2F;she is gaslighting you. This is a criminal offense (or should be, depending on where you live) and must be punished accordingly.
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teddyhover 4 years ago
I have two relevant, maybe slightly more helpful, links:<p><i>Getting Things Done When You’re Only a Grunt</i><p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.joelonsoftware.com&#x2F;2001&#x2F;12&#x2F;25&#x2F;getting-things-done-when-youre-only-a-grunt&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.joelonsoftware.com&#x2F;2001&#x2F;12&#x2F;25&#x2F;getting-things-don...</a><p><i>The Manager FAQ</i><p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.seebs.net&#x2F;faqs&#x2F;manager.html" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.seebs.net&#x2F;faqs&#x2F;manager.html</a>
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u678uover 4 years ago
Have many people had toxic bosses? I&#x27;ve had a string of the opposite - tech guys that took on team lead roles but would rather code, were too meek to give direction, didn&#x27;t give any negative feedback even when I knew I did something badly, let people do what they wanted with little coordination.
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darth_avocadoover 4 years ago
Yes, managing up is a thing. No, the article did not provide any value.
rightbyteover 4 years ago
Is this article an add for Careerstone? Why do Reuters write this? There is just gossip and phrenology like personality types without the sculls.
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goatcodeover 4 years ago
This read like a really shitty, saccharine, abridged, disjointed article. It barely touched on its title. How did this get to the front page?
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IG_Semmelweissover 4 years ago
I have seen at least 1 narcissist move up the ranks of a well regarded organization and receive awards in the process.<p>I also see the person is hardworking and from what i can tell, there is no obvious abuse.<p>Is this not the experience people have with narcissists?<p>From the company&#x27;s perspective, they seem like ideal employees, driven to impress at whatever personal cost, and deriving their self worth by what others think of them.<p>Do i have this right?
arbitrageover 4 years ago
This is a very week article; there is nothing specific in it about managing your boss. This only mentions that the concept exists.<p>This is clickbait.
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_y5hnover 4 years ago
While I think most people should probably leave a toxic environment, it fixes nothing. If boss is bad, it&#x27;s the best advice though! You must give energy to what works for you, then shelter is possible in any environment.
quercusaover 4 years ago
A book recommendation: <i>Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work</i> by Babiak. Lots of good material on recognizing the situation. But once you do, the advice is simple: get out.
gamednaover 4 years ago
Important topic that should be discussed more so employees can truly succeed, regardless of their reporting chain.<p>Unfortunately this article didn&#x27;t really deliver, and lacked substance for me.
nednarover 4 years ago
&gt; Adopt a survivor mentality<p>What does that even mean. Somehow I feel the article doesn&#x27;t speak about the title&#x27;s content at all.
sbuttgereitover 4 years ago
For a delightful, humorous take on the subject, I would recommend reading: &quot;Throwing the Elephant: Zen and the Art of Managing Up&quot; by Stanley Bing.
jancsikaover 4 years ago
I feel like &quot;gaslighting&quot; and &quot;Gell-Mann Amnesia Effect&quot; are in a race to see who can gossip their away around the world first.<p>As I understand it, &quot;gaslighting&quot; is quite nearly a form of kidnapping. The perpetrator is (consciously or otherwise) fucking with anything they can that provides the victim an anchor on reality. Cult leaders use this tactic all the time.<p>Does it mean something else now?