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How people learn to become resilient (2016)

93 pointsby singoldabout 4 years ago

10 comments

ericmcerabout 4 years ago
In this sense, privilege just lets you circumvent having to learn to be resilient. You can choose the amount of stressors you want to let in. I have two friends who come from wealthy backgrounds, one is putting in 70-80hour weeks doing residency at a hospital, the other doesn&#x27;t work and couldn&#x27;t deal with the bay area rental market, so their parents purchased them a $1.5m home.<p>I guess what I am getting at is there is a blend of self-respect, self-expectation, discipline, morality or something involved. At a certain point a person decides to stop trying to fight and be comfortable with whatever hand they have.
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psychtraumaabout 4 years ago
&#x27;Resilience&#x27;, in this sense, is usually presented as a positive personal trait to be proud of.<p>However, (after a lot of therapy), I see it more as a simple reflection of the undue trauma I faced and was required to handle.
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maverickJabout 4 years ago
Interesting article.<p>One place where one needs to build resilience is in how we work and how we learn new things. The key thing is developing skillsets that enable us to go through life. Some key tools are:<p>1. Understanding how humans work: On why the early stages of work tend to be stressful.<p>2. Pushing through pain points: On the power of mental reframing.<p>3. Seeking motivation from within: Especially on large projects where you’re just a cog in the wheel.<p>This article <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;leveragethoughts.substack.com&#x2F;p&#x2F;humans-and-work-three-practical-tools" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;leveragethoughts.substack.com&#x2F;p&#x2F;humans-and-work-thre...</a> explores this further.
dangabout 4 years ago
Discussed at the time:<p><i>How People Learn to Become Resilient</i> - <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;item?id=11083526" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;item?id=11083526</a> - Feb 2016 (25 comments)
TameAntelopeabout 4 years ago
Off-topic comment: newyorker.com hasn&#x27;t loaded successfully for me in Chrome for probably a few years now. Literal white page that flickers with the article for a second before going blank.<p>I figured it was anti-ad-blocker tech, but even disabling ad blocker and going to incognito does nothing. Calls to &quot;<a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;dolphin.condenastdigital.com&#x2F;engines&#x2F;atmo" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;dolphin.condenastdigital.com&#x2F;engines&#x2F;atmo</a>&quot; are the calls that seem to fail with &quot;ERR_NAME_NOT_RESOLVED&quot;. I don&#x27;t see a similar call being made in Firefox, which does load successfully.<p>Is my Chrome getting fingerprinted and somehow punished for running uBlock, or is newyorker.com just broken for Chrome in certain cases? Either way, it makes using my subscription that much harder...
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inv13about 4 years ago
I had the same nearly the same situation, like 70% to 80% of the sandwich kid mentioned in the beginning.<p>Its impossible to read a summary of what have happened with me, because it would be so long that I would never end.<p>A short summary of the beginning would be something like this: I just never accepted anything coming from adults, teachers. I saw when they said something to me, than the next second do the very opposite. And I realized that when my parents divorced, that everything that I learned from them needs to be erased. They could not tell why they divorced, a specific reason. Because it never really is about one thing from what I can tell now. It was not something I come up with, it was more like a realization, hard truth, something that hit me hard, or something around these lines. And then I just proceeded to build up a mental image about the world from the ground up. I guess we all do that while growing up, but I really just couldn&#x27;t accept anything anyone told me to do, or think the way they want me to.<p>Cant say that I &#x27;am a very successful person. Sometimes I can be spot on, even on very large scale questions, using my own version of the world. I was able to make a really good investment choice, when everyone was shitting themselves, and running around like a beheaded chicken that the world was about to end. 2008 financial crisis and Covid. (I was in 7th grade in 2008 with really shitty grades) And sometimes I miss by a mile, usually when around topics where feelings must be involved. That is the part that I am trying to get better since I&#x27;ve realized.<p>I think its more about some things can make you or brake you. Resilience is understanding the real reasons why something happened. Like someone got angry at work when I asked him to send some documents for me. If the person is rude and got, to some extent angry at me, than I could translate that as that person not liking me, or that the person has some difficulties at home. In the first choice we could grind on about why is that, what have I done wrong, where in the other, you just move on. At least in my experience.
currymjabout 4 years ago
a major part of 12-step programs is getting people to shift to an external locus of control. they&#x27;re supposed to accept that they have a permanent problem that it&#x27;s totally beyond their power to fix.<p>somehow this helps people make difficult, lasting changes in their lives that were previously beyond them, which is exactly the opposite of what should happen according to the research profiled in this article.<p>I think it&#x27;s probably valuable to have an accurate locus of control -- the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.<p>Unfortunately this idea that an internal locus of control is always the superior, correct attitude is already floating out into pop psychology in schools and workplaces. I&#x27;m sure the actual research is nuanced and interesting but that&#x27;s not what&#x27;s reaching people.
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kianabout 4 years ago
The only prescription this article appears to make is &quot;Positive Construal&quot; -- thinking of potentially traumatic events as opportunities for growth, learning, and forming tighter social and community bonds seems to prevent them from becoming actually traumatizing.
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paulpauperabout 4 years ago
No mention of IQ anywhere in the article. I am sure IQ plays a major role in terms of outcomes. Often children from disadvantaged backgrounds and abusive&#x2F;negligent parents who pull themselves up tend to also be smarter than average.
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rednerrusabout 4 years ago
Someone smarter than I am should draw parallels from this to modern social justice movements.
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