TE
TechEcho
Home24h TopNewestBestAskShowJobs
GitHubTwitter
Home

TechEcho

A tech news platform built with Next.js, providing global tech news and discussions.

GitHubTwitter

Home

HomeNewestBestAskShowJobs

Resources

HackerNews APIOriginal HackerNewsNext.js

© 2025 TechEcho. All rights reserved.

Dating in Delhi when you're poor

358 pointsby hidden-spyderalmost 4 years ago

25 comments

neonatealmost 4 years ago
<a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;archive.is&#x2F;fv5U4" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;archive.is&#x2F;fv5U4</a>
seestrawalmost 4 years ago
The author is convinced that the couple’s life sucks.<p>He&#x2F;she is writing from a point of view of superiority - “look, this is what they’re lacking, they can’t afford a Rs.8000 dinner”. To a billionaire, my software engineer life will look miserable - “They have to go eat at Panera and Olive Garden. For their employer, a nice dineout costs $5000.”<p>Can we stop looking down on people because they cannot afford what’s normal for us? I agree about the freedom and social parts here, so let’s focus on that. Most of the article seems to be written to evoke shock and awe from a middle-class person - look what they can’t afford! Lets focus on their social struggles instead of what they can or cannot afford.
评论 #28096173 未加载
评论 #28100616 未加载
评论 #28101742 未加载
评论 #28096636 未加载
评论 #28097122 未加载
hiyeralmost 4 years ago
&gt; The 23-year-old earns 8,000 rupees a month ($125) for her work. That’s what her employers can expect to pay for a single “date night” out at one of the city’s finer restaurants.<p>Even in 2021 (article is from 2017) this is an exaggeration. You can have dinner for 2 at a five-star hotel in Delhi for less than half that amount, unless you&#x27;re splurging on the drinks.
评论 #28096580 未加载
评论 #28095615 未加载
评论 #28096221 未加载
评论 #28097715 未加载
dartharvaalmost 4 years ago
What the author tried to implicitly say, and what many readers seemed to miss, is the fact that how the concepts of &quot;dating&quot; are uncharted and carry so many risks for people in the lower classes even after you take away the money factor. Their families and societies are tied up in such a way that makes indulging into such &quot;modern&quot; or &quot;western&quot; acts a huge taboo, with the youngsters facing severe punishments if caught. For many parents with such mindsets, their children &quot;dating&quot; someone is seen as an act of dishonor.
评论 #28096777 未加载
评论 #28097468 未加载
rainhackeralmost 4 years ago
<i>We never went to malls as everything there was out of my budget. I was also afraid that they would throw us out because we couldn’t speak English</i><p>Reading this breaks my heart. In a few weeks India beings an year-long celebration to mark the country’s 75th Independence Day. And yet people feel discriminated because the don’t speak English.
评论 #28096022 未加载
评论 #28095388 未加载
jessaustinalmost 4 years ago
<i>Twelve years after they started dating, they married. The family disapproved. Surender’s grandmother and Preeti’s mother were from the same “gotra,” or clan. Hindu clans prohibit marriage within the descendants of an unbroken male line.</i><p>The Wiki page on &quot;gotra&quot; suggests they &quot;only&quot; have to go back seven generations (I don&#x27;t know <i>any</i> of my ancestors beyond five generations and the father of one of my great-grandfathers was never known; would that be scandalous in India?), which seems to imply extreme complication. If each female ancestor has her own unique gotra, in seven generations there would be 64 gotras. Unless there are thousands of gotras, it must be very common for a prospective bride and groom to overlap. Little wonder that arranged marriages are common.
评论 #28093042 未加载
评论 #28091605 未加载
评论 #28096837 未加载
评论 #28091461 未加载
评论 #28094815 未加载
taaujialmost 4 years ago
That is a misleading article. Nobody spends that much amount of money on a single &quot;date night&quot; or &quot;movie night&quot; unless you are an elite. This article is again a low effort attempt to sell western people news that fits their narrow knowledge base.
评论 #28101811 未加载
sombremesaalmost 4 years ago
My first thought when reading this was hoping that these types of articles will reduce the comments I see on the internet that try and compare Delhi&#x2F;Mumbai squalor to LA.<p>Then I read the first comment on this HN thread, which is directly comparing this to Toronto.<p>So either Westerners don&#x27;t realize that people in these places are making less money in a <i>month</i> than the middle class person can expect to spend in an average afternoon, or there is some intermediate step of &quot;let me compare this to what I know&quot; that is happening. It&#x27;s not really enough...you should experience it for yourself (there&#x27;s also other issues, such as people claiming there&#x27;s more homeless in LA than in Delhi, not realizing that a lot of effectively homeless people in India aren&#x27;t classified as such - it&#x27;d be like saying you&#x27;re not homeless in LA if you have a tent or a sleeping bag).<p>Reminds me of learning a new language, where beginners try to formulate thoughts in their native tongue and produce a direct translation, whereas those who are fluent can skip that step completely.
评论 #28092382 未加载
评论 #28091411 未加载
评论 #28091475 未加载
评论 #28091687 未加载
评论 #28091287 未加载
评论 #28091283 未加载
评论 #28092613 未加载
评论 #28093488 未加载
评论 #28091454 未加载
评论 #28093267 未加载
评论 #28093451 未加载
评论 #28091757 未加载
评论 #28093727 未加载
评论 #28095113 未加载
评论 #28092102 未加载
评论 #28095823 未加载
评论 #28091738 未加载
评论 #28092010 未加载
gopalvalmost 4 years ago
Some of this stuff looks very poorly sourced or misunderstood.<p>&gt; Marrying within the “gotra” is one of the primary reasons for recurring “honour killing” of lovers in India<p>I hope not, because it is such a weird upper-caste nit-pick.<p>&gt; they talk about their lives and walk around the park, or eat aloo-chaat or golgappas at a roadside stall<p>That is such a still frame of the middle class life in Delhi from the 90s. My partner&#x27;s been dragging me to Green park and AIIMS to revisit places which has stayed running for 25 years.<p>The 2012 Nirbhaya case had a chilling effect on this for young couples, which is why the trend moved away from being outside and into malls with security cameras.
评论 #28091590 未加载
评论 #28091955 未加载
评论 #28090994 未加载
评论 #28096544 未加载
jacobwilliamroyalmost 4 years ago
As a man who lives below the poverty line I am extremely insecure about dating just because I worry about my partner trading up for someone with more money than me.<p>The consumerist culture doesn&#x27;t help my confidence with women either. That Bruno Mars song &quot;That&#x27;s What I like&quot; is literally just 3.5 minutes of him explaining how he seduces women by buying them lots of very expensive things. I couldn&#x27;t even compete with a walmart middle manager at that game.
alasdair_almost 4 years ago
One thing that struck me was the number of parks they went to. I’m sitting here is a fantastically beautiful state (Western Washington) with so much to offer outdoors, yet I realize I’ve barely explored what is there for free, always opting for expensive dinners or events.<p>This weekend I’m going to change that, for the first time since covid started we’ll go for a hike in a park.
anovikovalmost 4 years ago
Seriously, a dinner for two costs $125 in India in a place with $400 average monthly income? This is what it would cost here in Cyprus, short of really nice places in Nicosia or Limassol, and the monthly income is 5x as much. Maybe $200 in the very nicest of places.<p>I&#x27;m a developer and make in mid-six figures, and whenever i see a $125 bill including tips, i start to feel like &quot;oh, this is pricey&quot;.
评论 #28096589 未加载
评论 #28096348 未加载
评论 #28096535 未加载
评论 #28097144 未加载
jwMnWbdtalmost 4 years ago
Marrying in same gotra is not one of the reason for honour killing. There are no evidences for it. There are reports for such incidents for marriage between two castes and religions. It appears the author has preconceived notions against certain aspect of indian society. A little factual evidence being provided,or diligent research before putting personal perspectives would have been better.
nine_zerosalmost 4 years ago
I would contend it&#x27;s easier to date in India. Cheap thrills are everywhere, far too many people around for you to stick out of the crowd (you just need to be a few train&#x2F;bus stops away from familiar locations).<p>Strikingly, transportation is cheap. No need to own a car&#x2F;get expensive Uber rides. And street food is plenty and delicious. Simple dating is much easier for everyone in the spectrum.<p>Societal issues on the other hand are still not up to the other modern 50% of the country.
评论 #28096565 未加载
评论 #28096090 未加载
cosmodiskalmost 4 years ago
I used to go on dates when I could barely afford to sit in a cafe. It was glorious. I&#x27;ve met women, had great time,etc. Never did any fine dining on any of my dates and it was fine.<p>I&#x27;m sure many indians do the same and instead of going to super duper restaurant, they adjust based on their income level and do something else instead.
retracalmost 4 years ago
It&#x27;s fascinating how much wider the class gap is there, but so many of the same dynamics sound familiar. Parts of it read as very familiar to me. In Toronto, as a guy from a small town and a working class background. It is also very different for me, of course. Ultimately very few Canadians are &quot;poor&quot;, in a sense. I could walk into one of our hospitals on one of those dates and be seen for free. Social assistance paid more when I was homeless than that woman earns; though $100 does go much further in Delhi.<p>But I do remember that disjunction; it&#x27;s normal, expected, to spend what amounts to a week or a month of my income on a night out. Being gay, the pressure to hide, to go for a date some place far away from home, somewhere you can hopefully blend in, or somewhere private, and where you won&#x27;t attraction the attention of jeers, usually just jeers but sometimes you worry you&#x27;ll have to run. Even the bit about McDonald&#x27;s being too expensive. It is. It&#x27;s a luxury, though most of us, myself included, tend not to think of it as such. Until you have $80 in your account and a whole week ahead and he wants to get a burger for dinner. $25 is a lot of money suddenly. It&#x27;s an interesting experience when your friends decide to go out for dinner and your concern with where to go is which location has a menu option with a decent ratio for calories per $ and if the water is free.<p>I too found poetry to be worth far more than it cost. Trees can be a gift. As can parks. And settings. Many intangible things can be gifts. And it is an art to be learned and practiced, just like the art of selecting and giving physical gifts. And of physical gifts, I discovered long ago that it truly is the thought that counts. Oh, yes, someone will love something that is of monetary value or expensive. But I have received many gifts worth some real money, but the ones where the gift was the thought are the ones I tend to still have. A card when I wasn&#x27;t expecting one. I still have the thoroughly wrecked chew-toy for my dog gotten by one particular friend who is now gone.<p>Maybe as a result of our smaller class gap, there is one thing that doesn&#x27;t ring so true to me. &quot;The girls also don’t have that many expectations.&quot; Not here. The boys had big expectations. It&#x27;s easier to jump over the class gap if you&#x27;re young and attractive, at least for a while, and pursue the material in exchange for the material, so to speak. I did it too; who doesn&#x27;t want to go away for the weekend; go out for drinks and not count out the coins?
评论 #28091736 未加载
评论 #28095049 未加载
jp42almost 4 years ago
Whenever there is comparison between something in India and west, almost always its not apples to apples. There are 1.3 billion people, and very wide range of social &amp; economic spectrum, which inherently makes comparison very difficult. for the sake of example - for &quot;X&quot;, you will find many many Indians spending vastly more than western people, at the same time you will find millions of Indians who could not even dream about X. replace anything in X. Another I have seen many families who give freedom to girl on whatever they want to do, at the same time there are several conservative and hardliners families. its very hard to generalized due to sheer size and diversity of India.<p>IMO without meaningful context comparison between west &amp; India is pointless.
评论 #28095695 未加载
评论 #28092816 未加载
superfreekalmost 4 years ago
Delhi has a per capita annual income of 300,000 rupees ($4,615) - the highest in the country and three times the national average. But nearly half of the city’s population lives in slums without basic services and facilities like drinking water, garbage disposal or a proper drainage system.<p>And life goes on, and little change is made. Many nations are so unfortunate to live in a poor society, with not so many chances of getting better.
webmobdevalmost 4 years ago
Something I dislike about the whole &quot;dating&quot; thing (a very US cultural influence due to their media) is that what is supposed to be a normal socialising event between too people, is made into a <i>consumerist ritual</i>. So much that two couples walking in a park or hanging with their friends is not really a &quot;date&quot; or you being cheapskate as, apparently, romance without money is no longer romance.
评论 #28092170 未加载
评论 #28096106 未加载
评论 #28091725 未加载
m4rc0almost 4 years ago
wow this was such a nice reflexion on values, about romantic stuff, really it was a great reading, thanks a lot
doit4thebittiesalmost 4 years ago
Dating never requires money. And no guy should be a free dinner dispenser or ATM for commercial activities for someone he doesn&#x27;t even know.<p>You can click, talk, walk, dance, and kiss for free... anywhere and everywhere.<p>Besides, dinner and coffee interview dates are too formal and boring.. zzz.
评论 #28092610 未加载
chana_masalaalmost 4 years ago
Dating is so depressing, and it sounds even more soul crushing under these conditions.
评论 #28091372 未加载
GaryTangalmost 4 years ago
Much easier than dating in Antarctica when you’re rich
farmerstanalmost 4 years ago
I thought Indians largely looked down on dating, although maybe the times have changed in the last 10 years? I have many close Indian friends and they are all married via arranged marriage. I’m pretty sure their American-born children will not marry via arranged marriage though and they have all come to grips with that.<p>I remember talking with one of my friends about arranged marriage and she laughed in my face when I asked her what she thought about marrying for love. She said that marrying for love is a Hollywood myth and if you look around, did it really exist long term? She said compatibility was the most important thing, not love, which I found very interesting.
评论 #28092745 未加载
评论 #28094485 未加载
评论 #28092545 未加载
评论 #28092229 未加载
lota-puttyalmost 4 years ago
India hosts 400% of humans of its healthy capacity; 150 people per sq km.<p>What the world sees is the tip of the iceberg. Someone alien to India might have to spend decades to get all the idiosyncrasies that run here.<p>For starters, good portion of sexual harassments&#x2F;rapes are not reported. Even unnatural deaths go unnoticed or ignored.
评论 #28093717 未加载
评论 #28093937 未加载