Since everyone is sharing their advice: A few years of weekly therapy session did mostly nothing for me, while a few evening with close friends and MDMA made me able to talk about myself and my feelings. All of my close friends have noticed the changed. I'm now able to reach out for help.<p>The part about hugs might be a great idea too, at least that's the first time I've heard it.<p>About the article itself, it was nice. It's rare to see an article like that, read it and not feel like shit at the end. This one was hopeful and seems to give good advice.
A better title would be "Dating advice for 4Chan NEET's"<p>> here’s some dating advice. It’s mostly meant for guys who want to date girls, and it’s kinda pitched assuming that you spend a lot of time on 4chan<p>This is an odd piece... Good for the author for blogging, but not sure why this ended up here.
If I might condense the tl;dr a bit more:<p>1. Be willing to be emotionally present, vulnerable and sincere<p>2. And keep doing that<p>I don’t currently have a thriving dating life, nor do I want to now. But when I have, that’s what worked.<p>And observing adjacent comments:<p>You don’t have to objectify anyone to be emotionally available.<p>You don’t have to go to therapy either, but if you’re hesitant you probably would benefit from it more than you think.<p>People who aren’t your prospective dating partners will also appreciate your growth.
I like how the article focuses on the change part. And the importance to include friends in the process.<p>When I finally started dating, it came with the acceptance that it was myself who needed to change. Addressing my insecurities was the hardest part of it. Having friends to talk about my experiences was very helpful.
Instead of quibbling in the comments, lets hear it from the expert who dedicated his entire life (literally) to SCIENTIFICALLY studying the problem -<p><a href="https://youtu.be/HXzTbCEqCJc" rel="nofollow">https://youtu.be/HXzTbCEqCJc</a>
I agree with 1 below, but 2 seems strange -- a man who is generally feeling OK is not going to spend a lot of time and money on therapy.<p>'1. Turn yourself into a project that you can work on and get better at, in ways that are going to help you date better but are good even if you don’t.<p>2. Go to therapy. It’s much better than you’ve been told and it will probably help. This isn’t because you’re crazy or weak (no more than the rest of us) it’s because talking about your feelings with a professional who is there to help you out is really good and useful and almost everyone would benefit from it.'
> Most dating advice is shit and so is this<p>These are just random, mildly misandrist opinions. They're not all wrong, but not a magic bullet or fool-proof.<p>Personally, the best dating advice I ever got was "Ask for what you want", as the cliche goes "if you don't ask, the answer's no". And another important bit of advice that goes with it is when you ask for something, and someone says no, accept it gracefully and move on.
> You’re struggling to date because you’re a horrible toxic man who doesn’t view women as people<p>I know this will be downvoted to hell, but guys who are very successful with the opposite sex are those who objectify women the most.<p>Leaving aside the Dan Bilzerian types and those who see sex as transactional , some degree of objectification might be needed in order for regular guys to go for it.<p>When men compete for say a darts trophy they are unapologetic in declaring to themselves and to others that they are going for it....when a woman is involved on the other hand it's almost like male pride and ego takes the wheel and we don't want to look thirsty or desperate or even subordinates who don't have any other option than making the first move.<p>In short it's really tough to go there and admit to ourselves and to her that we need her more than they need us, that she has plenty of options , while we only have the option of going out there and expose ourselves to a potential rejection/humiliation . Ego is not having it, because we don't want to look inferior and most importantly feel inferior compared to another human being. Objectification solves this problem, in a sense, it brings us back to the darts trophy analogy and liberates the male psyche. I'd say transient objectification is the regime which has been in place ever since the beginning of the specie till the early 00s.<p>Transient objectification gave men enough peace of mind to approach women without much worry about ego consequences, and if the approach was successful it would disappear rather quickly and boom! In 3 months time you are a couple.<p>Matter of fact the most successful videos on youtube aren't about picking up, they are about helping guys become beautiful/successful/famous/wealthy enough in order to reverse the above dynamic and have women approach them instead, so women would have to swallow their pride, at that point both ego and the relationship centers in our brain can be happy with the outcome, otherwise one would have to suck it up.<p>It's almost like the transient objectification route has been closed off somewhere in the 90s/00s and now those who are successful are guys who either have an ego small enough to chase or with enough resources to reverse the typical dynamic and have women chase them instead.