We adopted two older kids (age 3 and 7) when we were in our 40s/30s.<p>It was very difficult and life changing in many ways. We sacrificed a lot to bring them into our lives.<p>But - we knew that going into it. It has caused stress and strain and high blood pressure. But I also got to carry my son off the field on my shoulders when he ran in the the finally touch down to cap off an undefeated season. To hear my daughter sing like Beyoncé.<p>We knew going into this it was going to be difficult. But we did it intentionally to save two lives from what was a life of poverty, instability, and abuse. We purposefully adopted through the State because we knew those were the kids in dire straights.<p>I want to say I can’t believe people would “return” adopted kids, but we saw a lot during adoption training. Parents in it for the money (you get a monthly payment if your kids are classified special needs). Parents asking questions about restraining and hitting kids. Foster homes filled to the brim with kids because there is a constant shortage of homes.<p>I hope most parents are improving the lives of those they adopt. But that 5% number is just devastating to see, but reflects the reality of who we are as a culture and a race.
I went and googled the advertising page of the second chance adoption agency discussed in this article, and it's just heartbreaking. On one hand, I really can't imagine what these "parents" were thinking adopting these children in the first place - the reasons for rehoming go from "major lifelong medical care required" to "child doesn't get along with his siblings" - but, in any case, doesn't seem like many of the issues would have been unknown or that unexpected at the time of the first adoption. I also have the distinct feeling that few of these parents would give these kids up at the ages of 8-10 if they were their own biological children.<p>Of course, on the other hand, I can't help but think that these kids should be removed ASAP from a home where a parent would consider giving them up after caring for them for 8-9 years.<p>Just really sad all around, my heart goes out to these kids.
Every offer finds a demand.<p><a href="https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1" rel="nofollow">https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1</a>
I really didn't get this part:<p>> But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.”<p>So they're saying that they are getting rid of her because she is too religious at the age of 10 to fit into their lives?<p>I kind of feel like something is missing there.
Adoptive parent here.<p>I read this before I adopted, and it didn’t make any sense to me then.
Having now adopted, I’m willing to make a value judgement and say this absolutely horrific. It induces horror. I’m my kid’s parent.
Doesn't surprise me at all.<p>My dad's wife hated me, so I got kicked out at 15. Didn't stop my Dad from showing up at school and my job to threaten me.<p>The joys of adulthood, I deal with my horrible family when I want to. If you gave a bad family, it's imperative you estrange yourself.<p>In my 20s I made the mistake of trusting these disgusting people. Of course they lied to my face, stabbed me in the back, and asked me to co-sign a home loan afterwards. So my credit stays locked.<p>Trust is a luxury I can't afford.<p>Also, many step parents end up treating those kids like shit. If your not going to treat your step kids fairly, since you don't want to do it, don't date a single parent.<p>You have a bit of a catch-22, anyone mature enough to become a step parent will understand how much of responsibility it is. Thus, they'll be reluctant to do it.<p>Someone who lacks that maturity, will be much more eager to become a step parent as a condition of a new relationship.<p>I know I can't guarantee I'll be a good step parent. It's just an insanely hard thing to do, which takes a person stronger than myself.<p>So I don't date people with kids. I'd sooner die alone than put someone else though what I went though.
If the opening story about the 10 year old being put up for adoption 9+ years after being adopted as an infant is true, then I'm speechless. What an incredibly destructive, hateful thing to do. On the one hand, I don't think you should be able to do such things to a child. On the other hand, this is such a clear signal of how inappropriate you are as a parent that I guess the answer is to take the child as quickly as possible and seek to minimize the ongoing damage that is almost certainly already occuring.
I just can't get over the fact that it's somehow legal in the US to advertise young children for adoption on the (public) web, complete with portrait photos and descriptions of their personalities and backgrounds.
Giving up any child seems like child abuse to me once you consider the mental trauma of a child who has to live with the fact that there is nobody to love and care for them.
Between high school and college I was a camp counselor. Had a camper who had been adopted out of a horrific situation somewhere in Central America. Was put into a home where I'm sure they were well-intentioned, but completely in over there heads as to the level of mental and emotional trauma this little guy had been through. I don't think he even made it through the full week of camp, and I would strongly suspect he ended up institutionalized somewhere.<p>I bring this up not to give anyone a free pass, but simply to say that I can well imagine there are cases where well-meaning people discover they are in way over their heads. Clearly it should be the goal of the system to not place a child into that situation in their first place, but I can see where it happens. As for some of these other stories where the adults are clearly just a bunch of jerks... again, would seem like the system should avoid that situation, but there is such a backlog of kids needing homes that it isn't hard to understand why it happens.
The title sounds like it’s going to be discussing a general adoption phenomenon, but the example it starts with is just crazy religious people in utah. I don’t think that normal-minded people can learn anything applicable from people whose minds and lives are dominated by superstitious delusion.
These sort of forum posts should come with 2 disclaimers.<p>I'm a parent. Y/N
I'm adopted. Y/N<p>With that out of the way, people need to realize that the adoption pool is biased to kids with severe issues. Mostly because some portion of kids were places on adoption because of genetic issues, and the rest will probably develop issues as a result of adoptio. Only the very best of parents are even considering adoption from said pool.<p>I was surprised the failure rate is only ~5%. We can hope for better but -i think- 5% can be celebrated.<p>Y
N
I don't really understand the negative tone here. Of course there are cases where parents will want to give up a child, for good or bad reasons. Of course that applies to adopted children too. I've heard wildly varying things about how much screening is applied to adoptive parents - some people complain about a lack of screening, others about a hugely expensive and complex process. None of those wringing their hands seem to have a positive proposal to make things better.