A hacker's loneliness

"Is this indifference to the world a consequence of too much intercourse with machines that give the appearance of thinking? How were he to fare if one day he has to quit computers and rejoin a civilized society?... The more he has to do with computing, the more it seems to him like chess: a tight little world defined by made-up rules, one that sucks in boys of a certain susceptible temperament and then turns them half-crazy, as he is half-crazy, so that all the time they deludedly think they are playing the game, the game is in fact playing them."<p>-J.M. Coetzee, winner of the 2003 Nobel Prize in Literature and former IBM programmer, from "Youth, Scenes from Provincial Life II."

This is sad, I feel this way while doing a CS degree at Berkeley and working in front of a computer for UCSF in my spare time.<p>Instead of just complaining and racking up karma, I propose we meet up at a bar in the city (San Francisco to you non-bay area residents). Who's with me to get drunk and tell nerdy jokes on Saturday night?<p>I'm totally not kidding. If you need an excuse, call it networking. If you don't, call it partying.<p>[Edit: I'm down for seedier mission bars, but anywhere is fine if there's enough interest.]

Moderation.<p>If you let any one thing consume all of your time then you're missing out on all the beauty and diversity the world and life can offer.<p>Feed your brain new experiences and it will reward you.

There is also problem with relationships with some women. I think, most women don't mind you are spending so much time with a computer (as long as you are making good money doing it). But they are jealous they must share the love and attention with something like a computer. That is something unbearable for them. In this case, you as a hacker have to lie that you hate your daily work, your boss is an asshole and you have to stay at work longer just to pay the bills. Don't even think to be honest for second and telling truth that you love your work, you escape there because you are resting by working, by being creative and by seeing your code/product running. If you have family, maybe is better to take well-paid but boring 8-5 job full of assholes, where you will look forward for the end and rushing home to wife and kids. Computer you may use just for reading news on Friday evening.<p>Are you more a mad scientist or a family guy? :-)

I wasn't sure if this is appropriate. However, it expresses the loneliness that I, and, I expect, some other hackers, sometimes feel.

You guys realize that girls and loving your work are not mutually exclusive..

The problem I have is that not only I both love to spend time with it, but that I know that I <i>should</i> be spending time with it to get the product done faster. Sometimes it may be fun, exciting, etc. but sometimes it's just an obligation.

I feel like the whole loneliness thing is mostly the person's fault. Instead of being your own man, you are trying to live up to someone else's expectations. Lets face it, as a startup founder you have a LOT more on your plate than some ex-highschool football quarterback who works at the Gap.

Mostly I see that Hackers tend to be generally unsatisfied with the state of things around them, and will compulsively seek to improve or atleast _know_ the system. The lonely part arises from these traits I think which puts them at a somewhat alienated position in society, because of their intolerance towards incompetence or the irrationality of the world around them, which I believe puts them at a risk of withdrawal from society towards the rational and logical world of computers. As for moderation, I don't think hackers are quite known for it. Hackers are by definition among the extremes of the computing society, so moderation would be viewed more as a stepping down. No wonder most hackers tend to be INTPs.

I would say that its not computers that make us this way, its mostly because we are this way, that we love these machines. we are thinkers, makers, dreamers and loners. Yes, i have friends in the real world, yes, i have social skills, but its my obsessions, that give me a reason, its my quest for knowledge and wisdom that drives me, people are mostly a biological need, not exactly like food, or water. God dammit, its my last year of high school, i gotta find me a girlfriend, but thats probably bad for my "coding happy hours".

I've been doing the "no computer for one day a week) plan for one week now. It's been great so far. (And I was inspired by that very paragraph of that excellent book).

Would it be different if hackers had the prestige of, say, a celebrity?<p>From what I understand, most super successful people work horribly long hours, but I suspect the feeling of fulfillment is also based on the social prestige of what they do. Computing is so ubiquitous (and also the cause of lots of frustration for some people) that those who drive the field don't get the recognition they deserve. Maybe the whole startup culture will change this, since the risk and self determination gives it more of a romantic flair.<p>At any rate, quitting, or even moderation, may not truly solve things if a person has a very deep love for their work. I think this adds a morally noble element to being a hacker startup-founder: it helps the whole field realize their true sense of self worth.

That was a great book. Also check out "Crypto" by Steven Levy.

I sorta have the opposite problem. I'm quite introverted and enjoy programming for its own sake, but I have a difficult time making myself work on projects outside of work because it just feels too lonely.

It hasn't driven away my family, but it does drive away friends. Lol.

Couldn't have put it better myself Steven Levy! The part about the consuming, Im here commenting to a comment that would never ammount to anything in the common society we know as human. Why do I waiste time? Apparently it consumes the part of life...::BLANK::.... O~~~~----______ ====~ (Fill) ('n) (Bla'k)

Get this guy a 'Real Doll'

With time, I have felt that loneliness, yet, after a couple of hours of being around people, I can't help but think about the work I could be doing, the wonders I could be exploring.