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Feeling like a victim is a perfectly disastrous way to go through life

134 pointsby stanriversalmost 3 years ago

21 comments

AlbertCoryalmost 3 years ago
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.<p>― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
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kelseyfrogalmost 3 years ago
This is really good advice - for externalizers. For internalizers however, it is perfectly terrible. Before deciding to go all in on advice like this, it&#x27;s crucial to know where you fall along that spectrum[1].<p>Externalizers tend to place the locus of control outside of themselves which symbolically castrates them to fantasize about the objet petit a[2]. When it negatively impacts your life, you become the friend who likes to complain about everything but does nothing. Or worse, you&#x27;re a person against the world who owes no one and impotently rages against everything.<p>Internalizers do the opposite. They will place immense burdens upon themselves to unrealistically adapt and change when most people would confront the challenge directly. An example is the Missing Stair[3] metaphor. An internalizer works around everything, always pushing the problem inward and never forcing the world to change. Internalizers can be harder to identify as they silently suffer in an absence of self-kindness.<p>What the article glosses over is knowing yourself[4] well enough to understand which tendencies you have. Maybe you tend to be an externalizer with your career and an internalizer with social relations or vice-versa or some other mixture entirely. It can be hard to be honest with yourself and ask, &quot;Is this truly working for me?&quot; But, those questions are hard precisely because they are the first step towards personal growth.<p>1. <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.psychologytoday.com&#x2F;us&#x2F;blog&#x2F;the-theater-the-brain&#x2F;201408&#x2F;the-nature-nurture-question-nature" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.psychologytoday.com&#x2F;us&#x2F;blog&#x2F;the-theater-the-brai...</a><p>2. <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;cahiers.kingston.ac.uk&#x2F;concepts&#x2F;castration.html" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;cahiers.kingston.ac.uk&#x2F;concepts&#x2F;castration.html</a><p>3. <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;Missing_stair" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;Missing_stair</a><p>4. γνῶθι σεαυτόν - which everyone should practice before blindly taking advice
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hprotagonistalmost 3 years ago
<i>No, when I go to sea, I go as a simple sailor, right before the mast, plumb down into the forecastle, aloft there to the royal mast-head. True, they rather order me about some, and make me jump from spar to spar, like a grasshopper in a May meadow. And at first, this sort of thing is unpleasant enough. It touches one’s sense of honor, particularly if you come of an old established family in the land, the Van Rensselaers, or Randolphs, or Hardicanutes. And more than all, if just previous to putting your hand into the tar-pot, you have been lording it as a country schoolmaster, making the tallest boys stand in awe of you. The transition is a keen one, I assure you, from a schoolmaster to a sailor, and requires a strong decoction of Seneca and the Stoics to enable you to grin and bear it. But even this wears off in time.<p>What of it, if some old hunks of a sea-captain orders me to get a broom and sweep down the decks? What does that indignity amount to, weighed, I mean, in the scales of the New Testament? Do you think the archangel Gabriel thinks anything the less of me, because I promptly and respectfully obey that old hunks in that particular instance? Who ain’t a slave? Tell me that. Well, then, however the old sea-captains may order me about—however they may thump and punch me about, I have the satisfaction of knowing that it is all right; that everybody else is one way or other served in much the same way—either in a physical or metaphysical point of view, that is; and so the universal thump is passed round, and all hands should rub each other’s shoulder-blades, and be content.</i><p>Moby Dick, “Loomings” (1851)
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JJMcJalmost 3 years ago
The great psychologist Eric Berne distinguished between a victim, someone who has a misfortune befall them, and a Victim, someone who&#x27;s life position is to feel like a victim.<p>Unfortunately if one is a victim too often, too many bad things happen, it&#x27;s natural to become a Victim and live your life that way.
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CJeffersonalmost 3 years ago
Sometimes your problem is someone else&#x27;s fault, and in such cases it is often useful to complain.<p>Quietly feeling like a victim may indeed not be useful, but complaining effectively can get you a lot.<p>Also, I unsurprisingly see no evidence in this article that the ideas described will actually lead to success.
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fsocietyalmost 3 years ago
It is okay to feel like a victim in circumstances, just so long as you do not let it rule your life or prevent you from doing things.
civilizedalmost 3 years ago
I don&#x27;t think this is true in general. If a rape victim feels like a victim, it&#x27;s because they are and society should validate that. But if your kid dies and it&#x27;s no one&#x27;s fault in particular, the advice given here might help you (or might not).
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zackmorrisalmost 3 years ago
Since life is suffering (and other things), I don&#x27;t really internalize quips like these anymore. We lose everyone and everything around us before we die. That realization is perhaps the foundation of becoming an adult. Which is why I avoid becoming one whenever possible.<p>There&#x27;s liberation in realizing that this is all a game. The shared reality we take as fact, rooted in science, is not actually how any of this works. We&#x27;re all dreaming this in the perpetual now. Time is an illusion. The past is a wake behind a boat we&#x27;re riding in, not the cause of our present reality. The future is a sea of endless possibility we manifest through conscious intuition, not something we build manually.<p>Once I learned to meditate and tune in to the vibration of the reality I want to exist in, and tune out the rest, things got better. Also stepping back from 3D to 4D&#x2F;5D helped me see the suffering in others and their projection of that onto me. As above, so below.<p>As my reality shifts, the universe goes to great lengths to adjust the context, trading one presence for another, and that chaos magic process can be exhilarating but also frightening. Since science may never be able to explain source consciousness or how its force constructs reality, we&#x27;re all divine by definition. I think that&#x27;s what they mean by stepping into our power and changing the world around us. With great power comes great responsibility. Which again, is why I avoid using it now whenever possible.<p>Certain things seem to nurture spiritual growth: negative reinforcement, loss, surrender, service, faith, hope and love. And many more. Anyone can rise above at any time, but we&#x27;re usually too busy saying &quot;nah, maybe some other time.&quot;<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.mindbodygreen.com&#x2F;articles&#x2F;the-4-types-of-intuition-and-how-to-tap-into-each" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.mindbodygreen.com&#x2F;articles&#x2F;the-4-types-of-intuit...</a><p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;greatmystery.org&#x2F;perspectives-four-fold-way&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;greatmystery.org&#x2F;perspectives-four-fold-way&#x2F;</a>
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spacemanmattalmost 3 years ago
Feeling poor doesn&#x27;t help you get rich either but neither does such knowledge help you get rich.
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mbrodersenalmost 3 years ago
Accept that what has happened to you in the past can’t be changed. So instead focus 100% of your energy on what you can do now and in the future to improve your situation. You might not succeed. But it is still <i>the</i> best way to live your life.
ethnologicaalmost 3 years ago
This is an oversimplification of a complex topic: People can be victims of situations since certain life events are disturbing and at the same time genes determine to a certain degree how you take life. Nonsense article about „positive“ thinking.
matrix12almost 3 years ago
Or worse, those that go around prescribing victimhood on others.
spoonjimalmost 3 years ago
I can tell you couldn’t overcome “victim mentality” to achieve in spite of the blows that life dealt him: Teddy Munger. This one-size-fits-all prescription is nonsense.
CPLXalmost 3 years ago
“Feeling like prey is a terrible way to go through life and you shouldn’t do it”<p>- Charlie the shark, addressing a school of fish
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rougkaalmost 3 years ago
It’s actually extremely useful to go through life feeling like a victim. There is such an intense social pressure to succeed in something, you can just attribute any failure to the dice being loaded and reduce that pressure
Krisjohnalmost 3 years ago
This is bad advice, presented poorly. A collection of quotes with a vague theme and some commentary does not an article make.
thimkerbellalmost 3 years ago
Are there still University Club living quarters, even dreadful ones?
legacynlalmost 3 years ago
You guys are missing the obvious:<p>Feeling like a victim is only bad if you&#x27;re not actually a victim of anything. If you ARE a victim, then it&#x27;s delusional not to feel as such.<p>I know how everybody in the US loves hustle culture, but this story isn&#x27;t applicable to everybody. The story is written and emphasized in such a way that this could happen nowadays to you and me but it can&#x27;t.<p>When this guy lost his home, he had a backup at the university club, presumably granted to him by powerful friends at the university; no worry about sleeping on the street, no police knocking on his car-window in the middle of the night, no worry about having to find a place to shower or wash your clothes. No getting fired for being unhygienic or sleeping on the street.<p>&gt; In those days, there was no health insurance, you just paid everything out of pocket<p>Yes, but in the fricking 1950s. Before the absurdly inflated costs of current american healthcare. In those days you would pay an amount more closely related to the actual amount of doctor-hours and medical supplies you use.<p>I really don&#x27;t get people in these comments, it&#x27;s as if they&#x27;ve never met poor people before; it&#x27;s perfectly possible to make all the right choices that life offers you, but still end up in a bad state.<p>I&#x27;m sure there are some situations where aspiring entrepreneurs need a kick in their butt, but in other situations putting the blame on the person&#x27;s &#x27;mentality&#x27; only distracts from dealing with the real issues.
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bilirubinalmost 3 years ago
It&#x27;s a good sentiment, but I&#x27;ll note it&#x27;s probably also easier to not feel like a victim when your uncle owns a bank and your grandfather is a Federal judge... the article simultaneously says he &quot;didn&#x27;t have much money&quot; and that he owned multiple rental income properties.<p>Everyone has a struggle but I doubt Munger was actually ever truly &quot;broke&quot;. These bootstrapping stories always have some hidden safety net that is de-emphasized.
tonguezalmost 3 years ago
Charlie Munger has spent his life doing nothing productive, and done promotional videos for “capitalism”. As long as he has enough money to pay some prostitute to suck his dick, we “can’t throw away the capitalist system”. Thanks for your contributions to humanity, Charles!
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DarylZeroalmost 3 years ago
The best way not to feel like a victim, is not to be a victim.
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