For me, the topic is too multi-dimensional to boil down to a few paragraphs about having a kind inner voice and recognizing defense/survival mechanisms. The latter actually being more about hating others than myself in my experience.<p>I will add this to the thought stream on the topic however. Being ok with rejection, well more than that, accepting that rejection is a mechanism that guides me out of situations that aren’t right for me, or away from people who do not accept me for who I am is key to loving myself. The other path, to fear or avoid rejection is to prioritize destroying myself in the name of pleasing others, which is the opposite of self love.<p>Loving others involves accepting their variances from/conflicts with my important choices and being ok with that. Conversely, loving myself involves being ok with my important choices especially in the face of someone else rejecting me for said choices. IOW, accept me the way I am and the way I choose to grow, or kindly show yourself the door out of my life.<p>Again, this is an incomplete treatise on what self love is. I do however believe loving oneself is most important when it comes to dealing with others.
I have trouble loving myself. Like the author my life is mostly great, though I sometimes struggle with health issues but I would not wanna trade it for any other life. I love my friends and family and they love me back. However I would avoid conflict at almost all costs in order to please people even if it is too my own detriment. It meant saying yes to everything in my last relationship in fear of losing her and being alone again (which is very egotistical) and it meant only 3 weeks of vacation in the past 3 years because I didn't want to leave the client/teams hanging. In romantic relationships I am desperate for approval and expressions of love since I do not know how to love myself properly.
I am also afraid taking steps into that direction will take away my motivation for self-improvement. But most of all I have no idea how to actually learn to love myself. It's not like I haven't read a ton of advice on the topic, it's just that it didn't work yet. Maybe I should find someone professional to talk to. It's not crippling me and I am fine but I feel like my life would be better if I loved myself.
I heard a couple metaphors about this recently. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect to love others fully?<p>Like an oxygen mask in an airplane or an emergency surgeon getting ready. You have to put yourself first so you don't harm others. Put the oxygen mask on first before helping others. Check your own pulse before jumping into a life saving surgery.
This is a lie I've heard for decades.<p>It's a lie people believe to justify loving themselves _more_.<p>The problem is selfishness (self love) leads to unhappiness, and the lie blinds them to the cause.
For me, it was an intentional MDMA session focused on shame that spontaneously cracked open my self love. The result is extraordinary - I really don’t care what people think about me because I no longer need validation and “love” from strangers. I’m now free to fully express myself without fear and love others without judgement.<p>Another similar result from intentional MDMA use:<p><a href="https://sashachapin.substack.com/p/how-i-attained-persistent-self-love" rel="nofollow">https://sashachapin.substack.com/p/how-i-attained-persistent...</a>
I can't follow the author. Are they saying that this self talk is actually good for them, or bad? It sounds like he was really kind to themselves, yet the sueounsing text implies these were actually examples of "not loving oneself"
I can't grasp the meaning of "loving myself". For me, love is something the goes from me to others. It just doesn't make sense to love myself. What does that even mean?