(For context I'm a coach who long ago underwent various forms of therapy, and who now works with, is trained by, provides training to, and gets referrals from therapists. No specific vested interest / availability rn but I will share my experiences)<p>First, sorry to hear about your vicious cycle. Based on what you wrote it sure seems like you owe it to yourself to at least try therapy.<p>The process is designed to be gentle, so in general it's one of the easier activities to try in the sense of tolerating newcomers. For example if you are more comfortable discussing your "current status" and things you've tried, or might try, but not comfortable getting into your feelings, you can typically be forthright about that and expect a reasonably assuring response.<p>If you have specific concerns or fears regarding therapy, IMO it's a good idea to write them down and see if they pan out, or share them with your therapist as an objective way of showing that you are bringing your best circumspect self to therapy. They may also help by providing additional context.<p>In case it's also relevant, my professional area of interest, personality dynamics, involves the ways in which people work together well, or don't, and so I'd also note that it is often a good idea to try multiple therapists and see which pairing (you & them) is working out. People have personas / personalities into which they naturally self-organize, and if that persona is not one you enjoy being open with in a therapeutic setting, it may be time to move along.<p>Personally, I once had a therapist who was engaged with some clients (particularly those who enjoyed sports) yet he literally fell asleep on others. Another seemed disinterested and burnt out. These things can happen. But I also had another therapist who was fantastic for me--he told really funny jokes, recommended very useful books, and was really brilliant in lots of ways that were relevant to my situation.<p>Since you're coming from tech AFAIK, one thing I'll mention is that a lot of us tech people also make really good critics. We can sometimes shoot the messenger (therapist in this case) too easily, especially if we start earnestly researching what we think they are trying to do for us, and where they get all their ideas, and so on.<p>If this may apply to you, it's a good idea to focus on the things you are _trying for yourself_ and what the objective _results_ are. If you can measure those results (scoring your day, etc.) for example, all the better.<p>Anyway, just some thoughts, hang in there & good luck.