I thing I decided late in life is that being really into things is cool.<p>Something I'm rather sad about is that highschool kinda beat that attitude out of me. I was a classic nerd, including all the bad attributes that label comes with, but also one really good one: I was really into a number of things. But I learned from hard experience that being super into stuff was lame - being disinterested and too cool for stuff was hip. I internalized that attitude.<p>Even into adulthood, I occasionally find myself making fun of people for being into specific things. I eventually made myself a rule: if someone really enjoys something that's not hurting anyone, that's an admirable trait. It's easy to obey this rule for things I like: science fiction, fancy beer, programming. It's not too hard to obey this rule for things that I'm not personally into, but are culturally adjacent to me: classical music, literature, skiing, fancy coffee. It's harder for things that are not as cool among my social group. I sometimes have to remind myself that being super into football, nascar, or the bachelorette is just as admirable as being into my things. Un-ironic enthusiasm is one of our best traits as humans, even when directed towards things I don't personally get that excited about.<p>And so I'll always appreciate that coffee friend. They're lucky enough to have maintained the ability to nerd out about something and I'm glad of it.
As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this.<p>If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders).<p>Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and gift buying can be hard, I get it. But receiving a gift also creates an obligation to at least perform enjoyment of the gift and now it’s another thing I have to own (consumables at least are temporary if you’re not into them, so that helps).<p>There’s a sweet spot in gift giving of looking for something the receiver is into and will want (but not already have) but also something the giver is knowledgeable enough to make an informed decision on. So, again, the thought is always appreciated, but if the giver can’t operate a k-cup maybe leave your coffee snob friends to buy their own beans :).
I do the exact opposite.<p>Buying a gift for an expert when you are not an expert is always going to lead to disappointment, no matter how well they hide it.<p>I buy gifts only from areas that I am an expert in, and I hope my friends may not be as enthusiastic about the area as I am, but at least we both know I got them the best <i>for</i> them.
The American writer Calvin Trillin wrote a short story called “A Christmas Shopping Tale” about how this kind of gift-giving might not always be welcome. It appears in his book <i>Too Soon to Tell</i> (1995). Excerpts:<p>“There was once a man named Arthur Robinson who was, as they say, very hard to shop for. He was a nice man, but as the Christmas shopping season began every year, his family and close friends and business associates grew to resent him. Arthur Robinson had no hobbies. He did not grill chicken in the backyard or bake bread, so the problem of what to give him for Christmas could not be solved with a new piece of kitchen equipment or an apron with witty sayings on it. ...<p>Then in October one year, Arthur Robinson made his first business trip to Africa. Having found himself about to return home with some local currency that was notoriously difficult to change in the United States, he plunked it down at the airport gift shop for the first items that caught his eye—two small statues of elephants. ...<p>That Christmas, all of his children gave him elephant statues for Christmas. He couldn’t imagine why, until he realized that he had put the elephants from Africa on a table in his study. ...<p>The year after that, he received nine elephant statues. A lot of the cards said, in addition to Merry Christmas, ‘For your collection.’ Arthur Robinson didn’t think he had a collection of elephant statues. ...<p>Arthur Robinson continued to thank everyone for the elephant statues—twenty-three by the fourth Christmas following that business trip to Africa. His family and friends had been greatly pleased to find something to get him for Christmas. ‘At least Arthur’s no problem,’ they’d say as they went down their lists. ‘Good old Arthur and his dreadful little elephants.’<p>Which meant that when they ran into Arthur during Christmas shopping season, they no longer seemed put out with him. They gave him a cheerful hello. He was always polite, but he resented them deeply.”
On the other hand, my mom one time mentioned that she thought pigs were cute, and now her sister gives her pig-themed gifts every year for her birthday, 30 years later. "I don't really like pigs, she just thinks I do."<p>I used to work with a guy who had at least a dozen pirate-themed t-shirts people had bought him, because he always wore pirate themed t-shirts. What's with the pirate shirts? "I bought one shirt because I liked it, then my girlfriend saw it and got me another one, now everybody just buys me more and more."<p>Mix it up, gift givers, don't outsource your thinking.
It's not about getting the best, it's about finding that which establishes the relationship, in particular that you know them, remember what was said, have shared experiences. Example:<p>Someone I was fairly fond of was retiring, a few levels above me. Traditionally, items are given. I gave an autographed copy of a particular book (we discussed it in my job interview over ten years prior) which related to our profession, a special dessert one (from the area in which she served in the Peace Corps), and a bottle of dandelion wine (her favorite author was Bradbury, who just died, and who authored <i>Dandelion Wine</i>). These went over well, despite not being the rarest of books or the most expensive of wines, but because of the dependence on and acknowledgement of my knowledge of her.
Of course when you get a special present for that friend who is really into something, you may go down the wrong track.<p>A family member once drove down from Portland to visit us in San Jose. She knew I was really into coffee and roasted my own.<p>She stopped at a little roastery on the way down and asked, "Give me the darkest roast you've got." After all, the darker the roast, the better it is, right?<p>Naturally when she gave it to me, I said "That's a burnt roast! It's good for nothing but the trash."<p>No, obviously I didn't do that.<p>We ground some and brewed it and enjoyed it for what it was: not just the beans, but the kindness and thoughtfulness that went into picking it out for me.
I'm into new and shiny things, but for sure don't want presents. Send me a message or hug me but don't waste our precious resources on buying me something I absolutely don't need.<p>It's not all about me for F's sake.
I keep notes whenever I have a good gift idea for someone specific. Example: during our trip to Chile, me and my girlfriend stayed at an Airbnb where they had a child's xylophone. My girlfriend loved to play it and even learned 3 songs before we left. I realized it would make a good gift so I wrote it down on a note titled "Good Gift Ideas" in Google Keep. A couple months later on her birthday I bought her a similar xylophone.
> I buy them a nice bag of beans as a souvenir.<p>Buy them good beans, tho! Otherwise they will just be used to season their new grinder burrs.<p>If someone is into coffee, they will want great specialty beans. There are a lot of awesome specialty shops, but rare you will see them at the supermarket.
I have learned this with my wife…<p>Gifts don’t mean just one thing.<p>There is a variety of things you can optimize for.<p>For my wife, me getting her something she wants but wouldn’t get herself is the right gift. That, or something she wouldn’t have been able to find for herself.<p>Surprises are low on her list. Extravagant gifts are low. She would be the kind of person <i>not</i> to buy the coffee for, because she knows what she likes and if you bought her the wrong thing, the thought would count but now what do you do with this bad bag of coffee?<p>I’m the opposite. I care much more about the fact that you thought about me long enough to do something specific and special to me.
I like this. coffee is something like a hobby and a shared experience and can pull together even really different people.<p>But if you know someone who is into a very technical hobby, it might be hard to give them a gift, or have a lengthy conversation.<p>I knew a friend who was really into ranch dressing. Every time we went to eat, we knew what he would order, or could help him order. silly thing that enhanced the relationship.<p>maybe we should all come up with hobbies or interests like this, to help break the ice with others and make ourselves more approachable.
I don't know about this hot take. I think it's actually harder to buy for people who are really into coffee, or vinyl, or cowboy movies or whatever, because you kinda have to assume that if you find something cool <i>they already have it or have tried it</i>.<p>By far the easiest people to buy for are drinkers. And I don't mean wine industry people, I mean old school alcoholics. Whatever bottle of scotch you pick, they may have tried it before but they'll still get full enjoyment of it.
How about the "heroin friend"<p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIpi0kle1g0" rel="nofollow">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIpi0kle1g0</a>
Hello! I am the coffee friend. I currently have 3 bags of gift coffee I hated on contact and will probably never drink.<p>Lots of other examples here(wfleming here says the same thing) but in short, this happens nearly every time someone gives me gifts based on their superficial idea of a hobby I'm in. The thing ends up being worthless and I begrudgingly pretend to be satisfied with the gift.
> I love when a friend is into something like coffee. We all know someone like that— they grind their own beans, brew their own fancy coffees, and have their own favorite coffee shop to get a cold brew.<p>Please somebody tell me this is an incredibly low bar to be "the coffee friend" -- I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility.
I rather prefer the way where the giving person thinks something that according to them is nice enough to be gifted to the receiving person - for both giving and receiving. Otherwise it honestly kills the novelty and romance of it.<p>On the other hand, I am into notebooks and fountain pens and till today even I don’t know what kind I am really into. So until I have seen it, touched it, held in my hand I don’t know what I want. My friends definitely don’t.<p>I usually gift hardcover “good” books. Not what I “know” they like, but what I “think” they’ll like. And even non-readers have finished most of my printed books.
Tangential to the post, but I think it goes from being cool to being off-putting when there's a performance element to being a ___ guy or ___ friend. Someone who puts "caffeine addict" in their Twitter bio is making a carefully honed statement that (1) they're really into coffee, they're a geek and obsess over things (2) but also they're relatable, everyone loves coffee, right? and (3) they're vulnerable, they're willing to admit that they have vices too. It has a kind of weird humblebragging vibe to it.
I'm "the book friend", and though I only occasionally get books as gifts, I like gifting books that people may have heard of and can read quickly. Books like The Martian, or The Hobbit.
The way social media (connections by people you know) destroyed most forums (connections by shared interests) is going to be felt for years.<p>Forums (and BBS before them) were so effective in connecting people over shared interests that they created so many shared contexts between those people that anecdotally for those who lived on forums... loneliness is far less of a societal issue than those who didn't experience forums.<p>I would've loved to have seen an alternative timeline where social media wasn't as it is, but was always around interests.
This will sound so unappreciative but if you are going to bother gifting someone something they are into maybe talk with them and understand what they like.<p>Being "into coffee" before it was really a thing I can't count how many times someone has given me a bag of coffee that is roasted to taste like an ashtray many moons ago.<p>It's not that I don't appreciate the gesture. It's just that I know I can't be truthful about the gift and these white lies weaken the friendship.
Gift giving is a thing that is strange to me. I never desire a gift and I am poor at selecting ones. I do pretty okay at planning experiences, however, which usually is a reasonable way to salvage things. But I wish there were gift-giving advice that wasn't just "draw the rest of the owl" because there are others who like receiving gifts and I could just do it right.
Great message, everyone should have atleast a few things they are <i>intensely</i> passionate about. Dig into books, immerse yourself, buy stuff, completely master whatever you are into. Hone it and perfect it. Don't care what others think of it.
Buy them:<p><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_luwak" rel="nofollow">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_luwak</a><p>A delicate coffee made from, well read the article.