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I'm a phony. Are you? (2011)

34 pointsby memorableover 2 years ago

13 comments

thisiswronggggover 2 years ago
I get a strong &quot;pretend-humility&quot; vibration from this.<p>e.g.<p>&gt;&gt; I&#x27;ve got 30 domains and I&#x27;ve only done something awesome with 3 of them. Sometimes when I log into my DNS manager I just see 27 failures<p>So, I&#x27;m sorry but yes you do seem phony after all.
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DeathArrowover 2 years ago
I don&#x27;t give a damn if I am an imposter or the best amongst my peers. It&#x27;s important I enjoy what I do and I learn new things I also enjoy. It&#x27;s important I solve problems I enjoy solving and that I&#x27;m getting better at it in my own pace.<p>For every guy doing a task there&#x27;s going to be another one doing the task faster or better and another one doing the task slower or worse.<p>There is a place under the sun for everybody.
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noncomlover 2 years ago
Thankfully I am not good enough to have imposter syndrome
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jackblemmingover 2 years ago
It&#x27;s weird and uncomfortable seeing people turn imposter syndrome into a cool thing to have. Kind of like what people did to depression and other real mental struggles.<p>And I doubt people with actual imposter syndrome appreciate the typical &quot;hey champ, I know how you feel&quot;.
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robotiqueover 2 years ago
I&#x27;m not even human. I&#x27;m just wearing the skin of one. Trapped in this fleshy prison, I walk amongst you.
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checkyoursudoover 2 years ago
I think that we (humans) are all a little (or a lot) phony, and none of us are phony in the least bit.<p>We are all making this all up as we go along. We all have difficulty with metacognition (this is my particular area of research) in certain situations (it varies for different people). And yet, <i>being phony</i> is part of the human experience.<p>There is such a disconnect between reality and consciousness that our brains trick us into thinking that our brains are accurate simulators of the world outside of us when, in fact, our brains interpolate and extrapolate a lot of the outside world, and then we act as though that inner simulation were a completely accurate rendering. See, for example, &quot;phantom limbs&quot;, &quot;filling in&quot;, the abject shittiness of memory encoding and recall (your brain makes up details that you are convinced really happened, all the time), and the variable time delay between sensation and perception. It is quite literally impossible to live in the present; our brains are modelling what it thinks must be the present by predicting how the world should be based on the most recent sensory input, but is in reality milliseconds in the past. And this ignores the fact that sensory input is itself filtered and incomplete at best.<p>I won&#x27;t bring my own research into this, except to say that metacognition research would suggest that we all believe facts or theories about the world that simply cannot be true at all times. If that is the case, then how can we not be, at least to some extent, phony? At the same time, our counterfeitness of being in the world is exactly the same human experience that everyone shares, so if everyone is phony in the same ways, is anyone really phony?<p>The article gives two really good bits of advice. 1) &quot;I think the more you know, the more you realize just how much you don&#x27;t know.&quot; If you can bring yourself to understand that the disconnect between sensation, perception, and simulation exists, then you can also understand that you might not be absolutely correct in all situations. Embrace that, and be more humble. And 2) &quot;Fake it til&#x27; you make it.&quot; Nothing to add there.<p>Anyway, I realize that my comment is a bit meta itself, but I couldn&#x27;t help it, being the phony that I am. :)
afarrellover 2 years ago
The most frustrating thing about this discourse is the missing sense of proportion.<p>1. Starting things and setting them down does not make you a phony. It makes you easily-excitable. Thats okay.<p>You’d be a phony if you deceived someone, including yourself. You’d be a phony if you bought a domain, told someone “I’ll definitely have this site built by next Thursday” and wasn’t honest with yourself or others about your time-management error. Time management errors are okay, especially in hobbies. You’d be a phony if you were so unwilling to accept yourself that fear and pain pushed you to deceive yourself.<p>The emotion you’re feeling when you look at those 27 unused domains isn’t called “being a phony” it is called “embarrassment” and it is a normal human emotion. Avoid deceiving yourself by using emotion words to describe your emotions.<p>2. Someone telling you that you are a rockstar does not mean you are a phony. It means you’re talking with someone who fails to understand the importance of humility or wants you to wear a heroic Tony Stark costume to play out the Drama Triangle with them. Anger is appropriate to feel if someone pressures you to play along with their comforting self-deception. In response, you have a choice:<p>A. Find better friends. A good friend is willing try to see you for who you are: A person with some skills and some skill-gaps and a desire to learn.<p>B. Argue with them on behalf of humility and your need to be seen honestly. If you need a working relationship with them then you need to care about what constitutes that relationship. If it is respect for who you actually are, then they’ll be willing to call you an engineer instead of a rockstar. If it is their self-deception then the relationship is not trustworthy. You have a right to trustworthy working relationships but that right comes with a responsibility to speak the truth clearly.<p>C. Obsessively check your workspace for brown M&amp;Ms and get swept up in disproportionate rage or terror if you find any tiny flaw[1]. If you let your relationships rely on you being a rockstar then you’ll set yourself up with no room for yourself or others to make mistakes. That is a neurological block to learning and deeply unkind to all involved.<p>[1] <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.snopes.com&#x2F;fact-check&#x2F;brown-out&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.snopes.com&#x2F;fact-check&#x2F;brown-out&#x2F;</a>
phnofiveover 2 years ago
Previously...<p>2011, 244 points, 62 comments:<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;item?id=2895300" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;item?id=2895300</a><p>Amazingly, there really is a (no remote) desktop support role available at Little Debbie:<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;jobs.mckeefoods.com&#x2F;job-search-results&#x2F;?primary_category%5B%5D=Engineering&amp;primary_category%5B%5D=Information%20Technology" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;jobs.mckeefoods.com&#x2F;job-search-results&#x2F;?primary_cate...</a>
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brnaftr361over 2 years ago
What is the root of this? Is it because we&#x27;re comparing ourselves against performative artifice? We expect ourselves to be as smart as the tenured professor that has performed some sequence lectures, relaying all the information for a couple dozen years and prior to every lecture also brushes up on all of it?<p>Or some speaker who does much the same. Or some online personality. And the media at large has such compelling emotional content, it&#x27;s so beautiful and gripping, almost as if it&#x27;s scripted, but we suspend our disbelief...<p>We never see ourselves naked. It&#x27;s always a presentation of the best. I think we should definitely extrapolate the expectation of every banal and questionable aspects of ourselves on to others, even if it&#x27;s translated into some other area - and no, it&#x27;s only more admirable because the grass <i>looks</i> greener on the other side.
lordnachoover 2 years ago
It&#x27;s natural for people who explore a lot of topics to feel this way. There&#x27;s a certain kind of person that you&#x27;ll find a lot of here on HN who is constantly exploring stuff. Inevitably, not everything is explored to deep familiarity.<p>It&#x27;s a natural consequence of the T-shaped skillset: you&#x27;ve heard of everything but you don&#x27;t feel like an expert in anything. Even the thing that forms the height of the T, anyone who drills down anywhere knows there&#x27;s further to go.
cr4nberryover 2 years ago
Typical microsoft employee
jgalt212over 2 years ago
For a long time I felt Scott was a phony, but he legit walks the walk. But for some reason, his delivery and the vernacular he uses comes off disingenuous to a number of readers &#x2F; viewers.
ArcMexover 2 years ago
just enough education to perform