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Ask HN: How to navigate negative thoughts about starting a career late?

25 pointsby syliconadderover 2 years ago
I am in my early 30s, do not have a regular corporate work history yet and recently graduated from my 2nd Bachelors (not IT related, my first was in Engineering). I do not have any savings or assets and will be facing the prospect of sitting for interviews in the next weeks. I feel a bit directionless and lost, having coming to realize that I might not be going high up the career ladder considering where I am. The posts about cognitive decline in the 40s and 50s in the past days has only made me more anxious.<p>Quick facts:<p>- Interested in programming but my knowledge is rusty and feel I wouldn&#x27;t be able to brush my skills up for a job - Worked in advertising for a long time in a completely different market - Current goals are vague, but I definitely want to save enough to pursue interests (writing and film) in the long-term.<p>Has anyone of you faced a similar dilemma? What did you do against it? I feel the intertia building up over time and I am afraid of being in a limbo if I don&#x27;t act soon. I do not live in the US if that helps.

18 comments

jesuscriptover 2 years ago
You’ll just have to get over it and do the best you can. HN cannot keep giving posts like this soft advice, especially when so many of you are no where in the realm of teenage years anymore. Even if you were in your early 20s, I’d advise you to not sit around and analyze “the feels”. Everyone’s gotta grow up at some point.<p>Do your best to be a bit more resolute. Everyone is anxious in life about something.<p>I can tell you for a fact there is someone your age or younger with a family and mortgage <i>and</i> a career change to think about. There’s probably someone your exact age whose entire career got derailed for any number of factors, wondering if they’ll get another go at it. But here you are wondering if your brain will stop working in a few years, or if you will ever get to write a movie.<p>You can write your movie right now. It’ll suck, but so what? Write another one. You’ll bomb all your upcoming interviews. Go to more.<p>From the immortal bard Arnold Schwarzenegger:<p>“Stop whining”.
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spicymakiover 2 years ago
&gt; I feel the intertia building up over time and I am afraid of being in a limbo if I don&#x27;t act soon.<p>You might be putting too much pressure on yourself to fit a particular archetype. This can lead to self doubt, anxiety, and fear. I would advise against looking at a career in tech for quick money. If you really want to get a programming job you need to put the time and effort in. You might need to start at the bottom and work your way up. Just like any other endeavor.<p>The average age of a college professor is around 45, and older entrepreneurs out perform younger ones in general, so I think we need to put this cognitive decline nonsense to rest.<p>These social media forums can be soul crushing. I would advise spending more time in self study and self reflection than reading the paranoid opinions of 20 year-olds.
fm2606over 2 years ago
I can relate. My undergrad is in engineering as well and after 6 years of jumping from job to job I realized I didn&#x27;t care for engineering.<p>_What Should I Do With My Life?_ by Po Bronson really showed me that it was&#x2F;is okay to not be happy with my job and to make a change.<p>I&#x27;ve written about my career changes here [0] and here [1].<p>My advice to the &quot;directionless and lost&quot; is to find a job that has meaning beyond paying the rent and food, and that you enjoy, but gives you enough time to pursue your other interests. This helped me tremendously<p>[0] <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;item?id=33126861" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;item?id=33126861</a> [1] <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;item?id=30204355" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;item?id=30204355</a>
isthisthingon99over 2 years ago
I&#x27;m 40+ and cognitive decline is in your hands. Exercise daily or at the very least walk outside for an hour and you&#x27;ll be fine.
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another-daveover 2 years ago
&gt; I feel a bit directionless and lost, having coming to realize that I might not be going high up the career ladder considering where I am.<p>Personally, I realised that just because a job title is more senior doesn&#x27;t necessarily mean that I want to do it — it&#x27;s a trade-off that comes with not just more responsibility for more money but _different_ responsibilties for more money.<p>I found that moving from school&#x2F;university (very linear, clear if you were doing &quot;well&quot; or &quot;badly&quot;) to the world of work, it was easy to get sucked into the mindset of going up the career ladder as what I should be striving for. We don&#x27;t expect all doctors to become hospital administrators or teachers to become school inspectors but in the private sector there&#x27;s a focus on moving up all the time.<p>Moving away from that mindset, I took a couple of sideways&#x2F;downwards steps and have never been happier. So long as I&#x27;m doing a job that I like and have enough money for my needs, what rung on the ladder I&#x27;m on doesn&#x27;t really matter at the end of the day.
matttheatheistover 2 years ago
Mid 40&#x27;s here. Fed up with engineering after 20 years. Going back to school for biology and biochemistry, then medical school: State-side if possible, but international if only option. No turning back now.
andreareinaover 2 years ago
I started my career late after faffing around some years and then getting a second degree myself. Yeah I’m a bit behind some of my contemporaries career-wise. I’m also ahead of some other contemporaries. There are people in this industry who’ve done more in a few years than I could dream of. In the end all I can do is take stock of where I am, where I want to go, and point myself in that direction; all the shoulda woulda coulda in the world won’t change a thing. This isn’t to say that I don’t think about what could have been, but it helps keep me grounded and to remember that comparison is the thief of joy.<p>As for cognitive decline in your 40s or 50s, that’s the first I’ve heard of that, and the people I know at that age are still sharp <i>and</i> have the benefit of experience.<p>I’m not in the States either. Tech is one of the best fields wrt global opportunity; even if your passport isn’t the best remote work opens plenty of doors.
woolybullyover 2 years ago
Luckily, your interests are very, very inexpensive.<p>One of the worst things school systems teach us, incorrectly, is that life is a linear progression. Every person on a career ladder is missing out on other career ladders that may be better for them.<p>Apply to every job that looks interesting, network, get in the habit of checking the careers section of websites you visit.<p>Locate a job advert you’re not qualified for, spend a week watching YouTubes on the topic, and apply.<p>Walk 3 miles across your town and count how many “hiring” signs you see. Apply for 10 of those.<p>Readjust your expectations every day (that’s right, no hyphen) for three weeks and then re-assess (yes, hyphen here). You’ll get a crappy job, but lots of fodder for your writing.<p>Your next job will be better.
sherilmover 2 years ago
First off, early 30s is young! Some thoughts:<p>1. Don&#x27;t take negative thoughts as an indicator of anything. They just are. Using either their presence or absence as some sort of signal is a waste of time.<p>2. Everyone&#x27;s winging it to some level. We just don&#x27;t see it. Meanwhile we are intimate with our own challenges. So cut yourself some slack.<p>3. Inertia&#x27;s a bitch. Only cure is action, any action in fact, even when you are not sure whether it&#x27;s the &quot;right&quot; move or not.<p>Wrote more on doubt here: <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.leadingsapiens.com&#x2F;dont-overcome-self-doubt&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.leadingsapiens.com&#x2F;dont-overcome-self-doubt&#x2F;</a>
throw_away1525over 2 years ago
My buddy just left a traditional engineering discipline to go to (a good) law school at 34 years old. He got a huge scholarship and he&#x27;s 2nd in his class. The other students in their mid 20&#x27;s think its a lot of work - he says its less work than a full time job.<p>I just switched to SWE at 35. I&#x27;m having the time of my life as a junior web developer. No responsibility, hardly any meetings, just build shit and learn all day and get paid to do it. It&#x27;s great, even if I&#x27;m not earning as much as I was before. I don&#x27;t worry about cognitive decline at all, because why would I?
fecakover 2 years ago
If writing and film are your true interests, you probably need to find something that gets you from A (where you are now) to B (writing and film) and positions you for that transition down the road. If the programming is rusty, that limits your options there (at least in the short term). I certainly wouldn&#x27;t start sweating about cognitive decline in your 40s and 50s - it&#x27;s several years away, and I don&#x27;t think it&#x27;s as common as you&#x27;re likely reading about recently.
complianceowlover 2 years ago
I 100% relate to your question and feeling. I too am in my early 30s, and overcame those same thoughts. Those thoughts plagued me from about 26-years old to about 30-years old.<p>I remember endlessly googling, &quot;Is 26 too late to start programming?&quot;, &quot;Is 27 too late to get rich?&quot;, etc., etc. Now, my age doesn&#x27;t worry me one bit. My perspective has changed dramatically when I truly realized a couple of things:<p>1. 30s is not old. If you live until you&#x27;re 65 or 70, that means a career change right now would amount in 30+ years in that field. I felt like my life had passed me by at 28. Now I look at a 28-year old and think, &quot;That dude doesn&#x27;t know how young he is.&quot; So now, I have enough experience to know that right now, I am very young, within the grand scheme of things.<p>2. My thinking was heavily influenced by social media. All it takes is seeing a kid who is 10-years younger than you making double or triple your salary for you to feel like you&#x27;re too behind. The reality is most people are not making those types of salaries.<p>3. Do research on people for whom success came later in life -- there&#x27;s a bunch of them. And we&#x27;re only talking about public cases; not cases of late success that never made it into the public eye, which I&#x27;m sure there&#x27;s even more of.<p>4. I&#x27;ve learned to focus on my quality of life (health, financial security, relationships, learning, growing, pursuing things that I&#x27;m into, traveling). My goals are not &quot;getting rich&quot;, but rather, getting to a point financially where I don&#x27;t have to work. That will probably take me 10 - 20 more years, and I&#x27;m okay with that. I just don&#x27;t want to have to work when I&#x27;m 65.<p>5. When we find ourselves in this situation, feeling that life has passed us by, we have to throw time out the window. The problem is, we start thinking of ways we can &quot;remediate&quot; the situation quickly. But progress takes time. So do your best to just stop thinking about doing something quick, and really try and change your thinking to putting in the work daily (even if just a little bit), but being consistent.<p>I feel like I&#x27;m ranting, but I relate a lot to this question, and after really coming to an understanding of my personal situation, I was able to truly free myself by coming to grips with the truth.
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algemover 2 years ago
The information you provided is pretty vague, what is your new degree in? What field are the interviews in? Are these aligned?<p>Sounds like you are just having the classic I am getting old and running out of time to do all the great things I thought I would do, everyone goes through this. I doubt the feeling ever really fades but don&#x27;t let it get the best of you.<p>You need to reset your expectations &#x2F; ground yourself to your situation, you need to do some real goal setting short and long term planning.<p>Sounds like your mostly worried about &quot;money&quot; and there is no quick ways to make money. But there are lots of ways to make good money, I get the sense that is why you mentioned programming because it can be a lucrative career. But to be honest its not for everyone and I don&#x27;t agree with the &quot;everyone can be a programmer&quot; sentiment. You are already well educated in other fields I would recommend exhausting those options before jumping ship.<p>Of course I know nearly nothing about you so take my opinions with a grain of salt.<p>What I have seen result in the most career growth is changing jobs often, never stay put. And continuous education with new problems to solve. Your job should be engaging (not 100% of the time but like a wave)
jonahbentonover 2 years ago
In terms of finding work, I would strongly advise thinking about this as a relationship problem.<p>First, cold introductions to&#x2F;interviews in performance&#x2F;efficiency-based relationships in general are terrible, terrible contexts. Mental model templates apply on both sides. Huge waste of time when one party does not fit into the template&#x2F;box the other party necessarily has. Has nothing to do with the actual potential for a relationship.<p>Reach out to people you used to work with, or who you went to school with, with whom you had good interactions, learn what they are doing, who they work with, etc. Someone, somewhere, will know someone doing something interesting to you. Getting a single warm introduction is literally worth 100 cold interviews.<p>Second, put as much time as you can afford into producing the sort of work you would like to be paid to do, and make it available online. Reprise your academic projects, whatever. Treat this like a job, for a few months, and get stuff out. Much, much better than just a resume because it is actual work and you will learn whether you do like it and have facility for it, and if you do, talking about something you have done and liked is an easy path to conveying confidence. And confidence is very, very important to convey in relationships, old and new.<p>Finally, as someone in their 50s, on cognitive decline- I would suggest meditating on the serenity prayer- (though for me it is without the god part because there is no literal god, only we storytelling, narrative focused humans in this wonderful, fragile world). But for all our societal advances there are many, many things we collectively don&#x27;t understand, about aging and other topics. Plenty of people produce creative work into their 70s, 80s, 90s. Maybe you will be one of them.<p>Know yourself, and take care of yourself, but develop the wisdom to know what is under your control and what isn&#x27;t, and the serenity to recognize what isn&#x27;t in your control cannot be lost- instead every day with it is a gift. Use those gifts when you have them, and help others to use theirs.<p>Best wishes.
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mrcolinjohnsonover 2 years ago
I logged in for the first time in a very long time to reply to this.<p>For what its worth, those posts made me feel the same way.<p>But this is typical internet stuff... you see someone doing well, it triggers an some kind of emotion. you see someone expressing anxieties about something you can relate to, it triggers an emotion. Its the same thing as looking at hot people in advertising, or people having fun on instagram. Its not reality.<p>&quot;For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.&quot;
user-extendedover 2 years ago
I cannot contribute any advice as I&#x27;m 23, no degrees, life is a wreck, etc.<p>I wish you the best and do your best to get a job and get your life moving. I believe in you.
hellothere1337over 2 years ago
I realize that my time is more limited than others and think of nothing except working and improving my skills 24&#x2F;7. I have no time for doubts
jackallisover 2 years ago
<a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;shorts&#x2F;49p0fwhopZc">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;shorts&#x2F;49p0fwhopZc</a>