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Ask HN: Books that helped you become a better person?

28 pointsby curious16about 2 years ago
Maybe you were lacking something and you realised that after reading a book. Then you changed yourself and became someone whose company people enjoy more.

17 comments

beezlebroxxxxxxabout 2 years ago
Novels, in particular long ones with extensive casts of well developed characters, have really shaped and enabled my empathy. They do this partly through allowing you to occupy multiple and usually quite different POVs, and by elaborating on the <i>reasons</i> which are often adopted by people. Characters are often &#x27;types&#x27;, but it&#x27;s the exposure to novel types that is what allows you to come away from a novel with a new outlook on a particular occupation, position, personality, politics, or relationship.<p>The disdain for novels by some people (Sam Bankman-Fried as a particularly egregious example) is really rather pathetic. Fiction, and more broadly storytelling, plays a vital role in shaping who we are, how we present ourselves to others, and how one can learn to do those things as well, in the midst of a community. Besides, their are more great books than one can read in a lifetime. It&#x27;s a resource that can&#x27;t be spent.<p>Some excellent examples:<p>Middlemarch, by George Eliot<p>Brothers Karamazov, or Crime and Punishment, by Dostoyevsky<p>Madame Bovary by Flaubert, or Bel-Ami by Maupassant<p>The Book of Jacob by Olga Tokarczuk<p>Death of the Heart by Elizabeth Bowen<p>The Corrections by Franzen<p>Recognitions by Gaddis<p>Foster by Claire Keegan (short but incredible)<p>(That&#x27;s a personal list, and by no means exhaustive, just some recommendations.)
zrkrlcabout 2 years ago
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga is very quickly shaping up to be this book for me.<p>It&#x27;s probably highly unpalatable to modern Western sentiments (e.g., one of the chapter titles is &quot;Trauma Does Not Exist&quot;) but it otherwise has really original lessons that I haven&#x27;t seen articulated elsewhere, despite the sometimes overly formal English translation.
olegiousabout 2 years ago
&quot;Non violent communication&quot; by Rosenberg.<p>Helped me understand how my communication style was hurting the people that I love and stunting my career growth.
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peterashfordabout 2 years ago
Zen and the Art of Motocycle Maintenance. Helped me understand the dual ways I was reacting to the world - rationally and emotionally - and why I was confused about how to understand and evaluate my experiences.<p>Ultimately, I don&#x27;t think I agree with the book&#x27;s conclusion, but the journey was helpful for me.
dafmanabout 2 years ago
Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate. Really helped me understand my ADHD (diagnosed in my 30s) and why I do certain things or act a certain way around other people. I feel I’m much better at explaining my actions so people don’t think they’re boring me or I’m not paying attention
fellowniusmonkabout 2 years ago
I was born with a heart defect, &quot;Cheaper by the dozen&quot; has a twist ending that dramatically changed the course of what I valued in life and spoke directly to me.<p>Pretty much any well written fiction is worth a read, The Odyssey, Brothers Karamazov and Armor! (for its depiction of ptsd) are also standout favorites.<p>Asimov series and short stories, Heinlein as well.<p>And some are were just a sheer pleasure to read as a teen, like the count of monte christo.<p>There is non-fiction as well, but I&#x27;m not sure non-fiction has made me a better person. Maybe &quot;how to win friends&quot;?
p0dabout 2 years ago
The Bible. I read it every week day and sometimes at the weekend. I get a bit out of pattern at the weekend.<p>Do people enjoy my company more? I hope so. I try to talk less as I get older and not hog all the attention. Love your neighbour as yourself.<p>My Bible reading this morning was about a woman called Ruth who stuck by her Jewish mother-in-law in very difficult circumstances. Ruth wasn&#x27;t Jewish but went on to be King David&#x27;s great grandmother. King David being one of the most famous Jews of all time. Interesting stuff.
ushercakesabout 2 years ago
Outlive. It will not only help improve your odds of living longer, it will make those later years &quot;better&quot;. Better as in, instead of being wheeled around a retirement home, you will be limber and able to live on your own, much longer.<p>In addition to the personal benefits - I&#x27;m convinced there are societal benefits to taking care of your health at this level. Reduced healthcare costs if more people take care of themselves, financial incentive for food producers to invest in healthier options, etc.<p>Book was very eye opening. Sure, people can just TLDR it and say &quot;Eat well, exercise, and sleep&quot;, but there really is a lot more to it. You break those categories out in to specific pieces, most people don&#x27;t know how to eat well. They don&#x27;t know how to properly exercise. They don&#x27;t know how to get the most ideal sleep.<p>As a side note, I feel that there should be an obesity rate for health insurance, similar to how there is an increased rate for smokers. The risk level is the same, and in the vast majority of cases it can be nullified by lifestyle decisions.
katabout 2 years ago
Changing on the Job: Developing Leaders for a Complex World by Jennifer Garvey Berger<p>This is my current mind-changing book. Its a great framework for explaining how different types of people handle complexity, and how&#x2F;why people react the ways they do. I really like how the framework is framed around &#x27;complexity&#x27; rather than maturity. I&#x27;ve gained a much more constructive approach to handling disagreements rather than a &#x27;smarter&#x2F;better than thou&#x27; approach.
RollAHardSixabout 2 years ago
Practicing mindfulness has improved my life greatly. Not in an every day considerate act type of way but in a slow elevation of the floor by 10-20% over the past several years.<p>In particular, Ariel Bloomer of Icon for Hire &#x2F; the REL Show put out a fantastic video that resonated into me. PS Please go donate to support the band, they are INDIE. <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;youtu.be&#x2F;ggYF7JeH1Tw" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;youtu.be&#x2F;ggYF7JeH1Tw</a>
gaddersabout 2 years ago
How to Win Friends and Influence People.
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tra3about 2 years ago
&quot;No more Mr Nice guy&quot;. Can&#x27;t please everyone, gotta have boundaries and be firm about enforcing them.
Orasabout 2 years ago
The chimp paradox.<p>Helped me to be cautious about my emotions. It made it a lot easier to visualize what’s happening inside my mind in a simple way.
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themodelplumberabout 2 years ago
I have to say that training &amp; certification were far more helpful than books for me, especially regarding the dynamics of being in the company of others, relating, and so on.<p>My professional mentors helped me learn really useful things that aren&#x27;t found in books at all, and I can&#x27;t even recommend any good books on those topics, because they haven&#x27;t been written.<p>As a general example, a huge component of &quot;being enjoyed in company&quot; comes down to the specific relationship dynamic in each situation. So it&#x27;s a very common mistake to make it personal &#x2F; about you and how enjoyable your company is. This can then cause the unwanted outcome where you end up inadvertently making the whole situation about yourself.<p>As long as you have the basics of relating covered, it&#x27;s typically much more about the mix of people in the situation, one of whom is you. And in many cases it&#x27;s better to treat a &quot;how&#x27;s my company, good&#x2F;bad&quot; situation as a roll of the dice, and simply move on to another set of people if your company isn&#x27;t enjoyed to your satisfaction. (It&#x27;s typically weird to read this and still kinda weird to write it, but it&#x27;s really a thing)<p>There are literally relationship combinations out there that are associated with near-instant laughter and enjoyment among those involved, even among people who others think are the most dead-boring people on earth. These combinations and their dynamics have been mapped out in various ways by various groups (and this is right about where people usually ask me for books, and sorry).<p>Also, people of different personality dynamics tend to experience different categories of things that they _can_ consciously realize they were lacking, and then _can_ consciously change. So this leaves open the possibility that you can read very helpful books and never connect their advice with the most obviously-needed changes in your life, because you can&#x27;t consciously admit that you need those changes, until &amp; unless you discover the nature of this blind-spot dynamic within yourself.<p>I found that there were a lot of classic works or other public domain works which turned out to cover both the conscious &#x2F; unconcious-stuff-I&#x27;ll-appreciate-later aspects. One of these was _The Count of Monte Cristo_. Others include _Scaramouche_ and _Tom Sawyer._ In non-fiction, _Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin_, _James Nasmyth, Engineer, an Autobiography_, and _Around the World on a Bicycle_ were of immediate interest and later I was also able to see a different, more helpful side to them.<p>Batchelor&#x27;s _Buddhism Without Beliefs_ and some fairly existential stories by authors like Osamu Dazai really helped me explore the conscious-existential side of life without so much of a self-help &#x2F; philosophical-didactic conversion aspect. They effectively enabled some immediate and really huge relationship benefits, with regard to relating to others, that I didn&#x27;t understand until later. (I translated some Dazai, and IMO if you can talk or write like Osamu Dazai, most of your up-front relating work is already taken care of, maybe)<p>I really appreciate this kind of non-didactic stuff that has such a simultaneously tangible effect, but sometimes it&#x27;s also kind of one-trick-pony content, in that way. So later I return to enjoy it for nostalgia, a different type of self-support.<p>There are some way-more-didactic self-help titles that I found helpful early on, but I find them kind of embarrassing to talk about these days at the same time. For example Dale Carnagey &#x2F; Carnegie&#x27;s _How to Win Friends and Influence People_, L&#x27;Amour&#x27;s _Education of a Wandering Man_ and _Life&#x27;s Little Instruction Book_, but those books may be helpful to just about anyone at a basic level.<p>Just some ideas &#x2F; thoughts, good luck to you in your search.
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adamhpabout 2 years ago
Man&#x27;s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
textreadabout 2 years ago
4 hour workweek
VoodooJuJuabout 2 years ago
The Greek New Testament.