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The Freedom and Perils of Living Alone

159 pointsby luckystrikeabout 13 years ago

16 comments

blahedoabout 13 years ago
That article both spoke to me and seemed foreign; I've lived alone for all but two years of the last 20 (since high school), and I do "spread out" in many of the ways it describes. But, when I do get to temporarily "live with" someone---when I'm home at my parents' house, when I'm sharing a hotel room at a conference, when I'm visiting friends for a few days---my experience is totally opposite the article. I look forward to having the temporary roommate, I sleep with the door open at my parents', I prefer the living room couch to a tucked-away guest bedroom at my friends' houses, because I <i>like</i> being aware of and part of the bustle of everyone living there.<p>In contrast, my friends who are married or living together treat those temporary thrown-together situations as maximally distasteful. They want a separate private room, they disdain sharing rooms at conferences unless they have to. When I've asked about it, I'm often given a line about how "when you're older" you want your private time, but many of them aren't that much older than me (and a few are younger), so that's always rung hollow. I wonder if it's just that this is <i>their</i> time to have a "Day of Chad"? ;)
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DenisMabout 13 years ago
One peril of living alone is that it becomes very easy to indulge in self-destructive behaviors with no one to check on you.<p>Eating poorly; sleeping poorly; having too much dust, filth, or random junk around the house; not going outside; not exercising enough; not getting social interacting in the minimal needed amount, obsessing over the wrong aspects of your work.... This sort of things.<p>Not all of these are problematic for all people, but to the extent some are problematic for a given person, they tend to form a vicious cycle - people do bad things to themselves from lack of awareness or temporarily depleted willpower, and those behaviors in turn cause even less self-awareness and reduce the willpower reserves further.<p>For that reason I am contemplating some sort of a software-based aid that helps one person to periodically check on the other person's daily routine from a distance to make sure they haven't fallen into this sort of a "depression trap". I tentatively call it "a brother's keeper" project, although realistically it's more likely to be the subject's parents or childhood friends who will bother to check daily on how many minutes he or she spent outside and how many meals did they have per day, and whether there were enough nutrients in it. The point would be not to nag the subject daily, but to catch the moment they are falling off the bus, so to speak, and either intervene, summon other friends, or get professional help.
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zhengabout 13 years ago
It might only be me, but I'm pretty sure I have the best of both worlds. I live with my wife (no kids), and we're both quirky as hell. When we go out, we act normal, but at home we do whatever we want. I'm very introverted, but comfortable enough with her that it really isn't that different from living alone, as she allows me time when I need it.<p>It's even better though, because if I lived alone I'm pretty sure I would never eat or go out. Having her with me means someone looks out for me and keeps me fed. Plus whenever I just need a break, she is more than happy to let me lay next to her as she unwinds from her day. I've always been a great listener because when I need a break I don't want to think, and thus don't feel my normal need to solve all her problems, another think she really appreciates.<p>I guess this turned into a brag session, but I think if you can find someone to live with who you can totally be yourself with, then that is possibly preferable to living alone. Plus it means reduced costs, etc. I can certainly see the appeal of living alone, but it seems strange to me as anything other than a temporary solution while you find someone to live with, whether that's a roommate/life partner/spouse.
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citricsquidabout 13 years ago
I live alone (for 15 months so far) and love it and will never live with someone else again (well, until my attitude changes) but one thing I also do is work from home... I often go up to 7 days without seeing another human being and when I do it's either a McDonalds server or a pizza delivery guy, this part is turning me insane.<p>I have absolute control over my environment, if I don't like a noise or the heat or a smell I fix it, this isn't the reality most people have so when my financial/employment situation changes I will have to adjust very rabidly, with that in mind I've made the decision to move into an environment less desirable than the one I have now (working from an office) but I think it's for the best. At least I'll have a 2 bedroom apartment to myself to hide in at weekends if it is terrible.<p>Living alone is wonderful and I always find it strange how people can live with others, I can understand the desire people have for human interaction but being able to wake up and then go to bed without having seen another person in the waking period is just so great, true freedom. Maybe it just comes down to control.
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jakeonthemoveabout 13 years ago
<i>"A music manager and record producer who works from his railroad apartment in Brooklyn, Mr. Sherwood, 40, said he’ll go to bed at 2 a.m. one night, and then retire later and later by increments, “until I go to bed when the sun comes up.” "</i><p>Glad it's not just me who does that :-D...
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jasonshenabout 13 years ago
I enjoyed this article. I've lived with other people my whole life and it seems most young people I know live as roommates even into their 30's (if they are not cohabitating with an S.O.) I have had "Days of Chad" though and wonder what it would be like to love totally alone. I personally would just feel less social and more bored.
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pm90about 13 years ago
I hate to be that person, but I have to ask: what's new that this article is telling me? The main point of the article seems to be that people living alone become eccentric without any "social checks"; that does hold <i>sometimes</i> but not always.
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kristianpabout 13 years ago
There is only passing reference in the article to the health effects of living alone. (Chad, who has never lived alone, says he would "be a fat, out-of-work alcoholic".)<p>For instance, a quote from from this article: <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2062934/Quick-better-shack-Study-shows-people-65-living-greater-risk-dying.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2062934/Quick-better...</a><p>"The data showed those living alone was associated with a 21 per cent greater chance of dying of all causes, when compared to those living with someone".
pnathanabout 13 years ago
I've lived alone and with roommates. The great thing about good roommates is you have the option of coming out and chatting when you feel like, and going and not being around them when you want to be alone.<p>That's pretty much the only thing I liked about the roommate thing (aside from the financial situation).<p>I like being alone a good deal when I'm home. It helps me think, and I can be as weird as I want. I think there's a great thing to be had when living alone, especially if you can find a physical social life that you fit into. Looking forward, I'll be living with a SO, and that will be a new experience. We'll see how it plays out.
Sniffnoyabout 13 years ago
This article doesn't seem to strongly distinguish between living with someone else in the same house/apartment/etc and living with someone else in actually the same <i>room</i>. There's a big difference there!
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zacharycohnabout 13 years ago
I went from living at home-&#62;college-&#62;living with a significant other. One of the major reasons we broke up was that I felt like I needed more space that I couldn't get while living together.<p>Now that I live alone, I often find myself missing having other people around. I'm on Couchsurfing and host almost everyone who applies, but the timing tends to be haphazard.<p>The article last week about the woman who funded her startup via Airbnb really intrigued me. I'm considering putting my apt up on Airbnb now, just to have more people around.
vinayan3about 13 years ago
The quirks they pointed in the article seem relatively extreme.<p>I live with 2 other roommates and I don't seem them much these days because I work at home during the day. I feel so quiet sometimes being at home all alone. It is interesting that I will never know how an introvert feels staying home alone. The opposite is true an introvert will never know how a social person feels staying at home all alone.
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nielsabout 13 years ago
I am an introvert. When I moved in with my girlfriend, it was really difficult, because she couldn't understand I need some time alone, just using the laptop, tablet... But now we have both adapted to each others needs, and it works out pretty well. The biggest change for me is that I am now an early riser. Never was before for longer periods of time.
mkwayisiabout 13 years ago
For me, I really enjoy living alone (less/zero distraction, more privacy). Admittedly, my sleep cycle is weird and the kind of meals I have may not be all that healthy. But I do exercise regularly to keep fit. Hopefully, I'd enjoy a better lifestyle when I finally settle down.
sliverstormabout 13 years ago
The article suggests there are people actively promoting living alone. I find myself questioning motive.<p>Who would stand to benefit most? People with a stake in property.
maeon3about 13 years ago
The internet is becoming more satasfying than marriage companionship and soon procreation, at least in the minds of the internet generation. When we create the holodeck on star trek, then human companionship will be in real trouble, I can get all the joys, minus the awful parts... Plus the added benefit of pressing pause, edit, augment, delete and start over.
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