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A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

225 pointsby shsachdevalmost 2 years ago

12 comments

xyzelementalmost 2 years ago
&gt; Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue.<p>This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with.<p>A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. &quot;My life is bad because of bitches&#x2F;billionaires&#x2F;Mexicans&#x2F;whatever&quot; - I&#x27;ve never heard anyone talk like that while also maximizing what&#x27;s in their power to change.
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guy98238710almost 2 years ago
While this sort of general self-help advice is deservedly ridiculed*, it does have some application in education. Kids often have no idea what they want or where they are going. It&#x27;s too personal and subjective for schools to teach. Parents find it overbearing and invasive. Nevertheless, just asking kids to come up with ideas can get them thinking. Short-term plans that are followed through give them confidence that achievement is something they can systematically work on.<p>* If you are wondering why people laugh at this, it&#x27;s because goal-setting and high-level planning is so much easier than actually doing something, which is where it all fails. See also TODO bankruptcy.
buttocksalmost 2 years ago
If you’re going to marry, marry well. I&#x27;d wager that 90% of not getting what you want in adulthood relates to compromise or deferral to your spouse.
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akkad33almost 2 years ago
Is there a guide for knowing what you want?
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PaulRobinsonalmost 2 years ago
Another way to getting what you want of course, is to think about what you really want and change that to something you can achieve almost immediately. The article alludes to this:<p>&gt; <i>Do you want to be self-employed? Or do you just need some time off from your normally-tolerable day job? Do you truly want washboard abs, or just to see an energetic, healthy person in the mirror for once?</i><p>And:<p>&gt; <i>There can also be things you think you want (a law degree; a Walden-like shack in the woods) that you mistake for what you really want (your father’s approval; a less obnoxious boss), which may be vastly easier, or vastly more difficult, to acquire.</i><p>You know what most people want? <i>Happiness</i>. <i>Acceptance</i>. To not have to deal with people who don&#x27;t love or respect them, and to spend time with people who do.<p>Here at HN, the personality type that is most dominant is the maximiser - trying to increase productivity, income, live life a little more fuller or longer. Fine.<p>And yet, regularly, a thread emerges asking what it&#x27;s like to ditch the progress so far and change direction. &quot;How hard is it go give up being a Senior Java engineer and become a farmer?&quot;, is a question that will garner answers, attention and upvotes.<p>It&#x27;s possible you&#x27;ve chosen a career or lifestyle or group of friends that aren&#x27;t very <i>you</i>.<p>My take is don&#x27;t choose goals - don&#x27;t try and decide on the destination of what you want. Instead, choose processes, choose a way of living that makes you happy, and make small changes right now.<p>Another way of thinking about this is: <i>don&#x27;t choose outputs, choose inputs</i>.<p>Choose your processes, your inputs, what happens when you wake up each day, the values you stay true to. Don&#x27;t try and choose outputs and work backwards from them. Trust me, I&#x27;ve tried both, and the latter is miserable - you don&#x27;t even get to be happy for long when you achieve a goal. The article touches on that, but I can&#x27;t stress this enough:<p>When you achieve something that has taken you a long time to achieve, the pleasure of doing so lasts a short while. What you&#x27;ll focus on when you look back is how you got there, so choose that carefully.<p>I&#x27;d also advise carefully considering how to measure progress. You might think you want to be rich (a goal), and think you need the lifestyle to get rich (the process), but you might actually just want financial independence - living a contented life spending less than you bring in - and they are not the same thing. You can have the latter without the former (especially as a tech worker), with a very different process to the one you&#x27;d choose to &quot;get rich&quot;.<p>You might think you want to weigh X pounds or kgs, but you might actually want the things that you think are exclusive to that but maybe are not: better fitting clothes, being more physically attractive, better health. There things you can do today - different ways of being - that contribute immediately. Cut down on smoking, recreational drugs (including alcohol) and spending money on better clothes rather than takeaways means you&#x27;ll be better tomorrow than you were today with just a change of direction on where you put your time, money and effort.<p>You might think you want to be on the front cover of Wired and touted as the next hot thing, but perhaps - like many of the people who have had that experience - what you actually needed was more people around you who like you just as you are right now.<p>That doesn&#x27;t mean you should stop looking for personal growth and the big goals. Sure, get rich, get sexy, be likeable and get respected, do that work. I&#x27;m just saying the journey counts at least as much as the destination, and the journey can start the moment you get to the end of this sentence.
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SMAAARTalmost 2 years ago
Interesting article, and a good one.<p>It should be expanded to include the capability to discern between:<p>* Wants, needs, must have(s): too often people seek wants and disregard needs.<p>* Emotionally-driven wants vs rationally-driven wants: today&#x27;s world hacks people&#x27;s mind to make only emotionally-driven decisions, to their own detriment.
lisperalmost 2 years ago
Ron’s second law: the hardest part of getting what you want is figuring out what it is.
Madmallardalmost 2 years ago
The strategy for getting the thing in question nearly always makes all the difference for very worthwhile things and this article very much glosses over that fact.
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pedalpetealmost 2 years ago
My initial reaction, which the author briefly mentions, is how to know what you want.<p>This is something I&#x27;ve been questioning lately. Do I want what I want? Or are social influences making me think this is what I want?
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rubicon33almost 2 years ago
I wonder how do you avoid a situation in mid-life where you&#x27;ve achieved accomplished, etc, and now really lack a strong desire for anything? How do you find your motivation?
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revskillalmost 2 years ago
Your choice: Beat the stupidity, or feed the stupidity.
mhbalmost 2 years ago
<i>This is a long post – 2200 words</i><p>Alternative: Watch Netlfix series &quot;Arnold&quot;
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