At risk of making myself look like a loser, I'll share my experience.<p>I have tried dating apps and occasionally get matches but it never really turns into anything. When you realise the girl on the other side has an abundance of men blowing up her phone with first messages, you realise it's hopeless.<p>The usual advice is to date through your network of friends instead, but I'm a very solitary individual. I haven't got a network, I left school early. I tried building one, only to be shown disinterest. I don't have any opportunities to associate with other young people, I don't use social media, and I'm working all the time at a bank (not exactly an environment to fraternise in.)<p>I understand the bitterness of incels, but in my opinion, it's misplaced. Us men would be just as picky if we had so much choice. I think the damage social media, dating apps, and COVID have done to the social fabric is beyond comprehension.<p>I'm only 22 but have essentially given up. In a way, I can just move on with my life and accept what I can't change.<p>In fact, the most frustrating part about it all is probably the vague "bro-advice" about "putting yourself out there." What does that even mean? I'm not a shut-in. I go to bars and nightclubs, I travel. Doesn't mean people want welcome some random dude into their circle.
Men are applying and women are hiring. Half the candidates are lying on their resumes. Many candidates are spamming their resumes indiscriminately. If you've ever had to hire someone for a position that attracts hundreds of candidates (i.e. software engineer with decent pay), you'll encounter the same dynamic. I hate being in that role. I have to reject 199 people and accept 1. Often, there are dozens of qualified candidates. You interview half a dozen, and then you tell 5 out of 6 perfectly qualified people you interviewed they didn't get the job. You feel like a horrible person the whole time. I've discussed this with my wife (we met on Bumble) and she confirmed the scenarios are very similar.<p>It's often better to be in the hiring position than in the applying position. But it's awful for everyone involved.<p>The way to avoid this mess when applying for jobs is to build up a network and lean on it for new positions. I wonder if dating may have a similar alternative approach.
One of my friends, as a broke college student, worked for a 'sugardaddy' site. Her job was to manage the inboxes of all the fake profiles (and the site had a dedicated UI for her and others, that all the profiles were tagged internally, and their inboxes were amalgamated and she'd work through messages).<p>Her remit was to respond to the messages, and she could choose, but some should be "thanks no thanks", some non-commital, some curious. But essentially she was to have between 1 and 5 interactions with each user before one way or another, fading away. Losing interest, some incompatibility, or just ghosting.
This is a topic HN just cannot talk about sanely.<p>"Matching" is very dependent upon culture. But HN is a non-random smattering of people from all over the globe-across very many cultures. Of course there are going to be very important differences. Considering how deep within a culture "matching" is, it probably can't be discussed by random elements from so many cultures without becoming heated.<p>We all love to pander to the idea that the internet is some great thing and capable of solving all social ails. Maybe it can't? Or, maybe the internet can't until all the various cultures agree to some fundamental tenets in order to interact respectfully across cultures.<p>A starting point could be something like "agree to disagree" or agreement to non-interact on contrasting topics.
Good analysis and video. If the analysis is revised I would ask that the numbers include variations based on profiles that include the man holding a puppy or being next to a dog <i>based on an old discussion from ages ago on another site and some anecdotal data from a small sample of testing we did</i> as a matter of affecting the attractiveness score. I realize it's a shallow attribute but most dating apps are shallow.