I have an idea for an app that I will never realize so I'll throw it out in the air:<p>Make an app where you make a relatively extensive profile, put up a bounty for a match, and then crowdsource the matching.<p>So the app experience would be mainly trying to match other people based on their looks and profile. When a relationship (or whatever goal) is made, people will payout their bounty. Or they can tip and the like for dates, good matches, etc.<p>The biggest killer of dating apps is the disparity between mens extreme thirst and women's extreme reservation. Both need a reality check and I think others doing the matching would provide it.<p>Edit: Also, augmenting this system with AI/LLMs/transformers would make it enormously powerful. It's basically an AI matching framework.
Dating apps don't work because the business model doesn't make sense. All apps rely on repeat business, yet here repeat business depends on failed relationships.<p>It is theoretically possible to make 'repeat business' on long-term reputation attracting new customers, similar to how schools and universities can thrive despite only ever serving a customer once. However, how often will someone need to introduce others to a dating app? A multi-year timeline for word-of-mouth is probably too much for a VC funded app.<p>There exists dating businesses that can profit from long-term relationships, its called Church (Marry at a church = lifetime donor + children likely become members too), hence churches are far more optimized and effective at building long term relationships than apps could possibly be.
Dating apps rely on a variable-interval schedule of rewards (think slot machines). Dating sites don't sell matches. They sell the /hope/ or /anticipation/ of matches. Very rarely, two people do match up and form a successful relationship. It truly is a lottery. Lottos want people to keep buying tickets. If the vast majority of people won substantial prizes, hardly anyone would play anymore. They'd simply take their winnings and ride off into the sunset.
Dating apps are so, so bad now. Not that they were great before, but I think people actually took Tinder somewhat seriously as a place to get to know people for the first couple years. Now it's just become an ever-more expensive game that preys on how imbalanced dating is between men and women that I believe is due to these apps and the internet in general (I'm sure there's other issues for gay people but I'm talking about the use case I'm familiar with).<p>The gender ratio is like 1:10, so even non-conventionally attractive women can get on there and get a few dozen matches in a day (if not 99+ if you're even moderately attractive), and any guy who isn't in the top 1% of looks/money/clout/influence is lucky to get a few matches per day. So the men are making any desperate attempt to stand out from the crowd of other men they're competing with for women's attention, meanwhile every day I see viral tweets of women screenshotting and posting men's "cringe" Tinder openings, telling them to try harder. I don't think a lot of women even realize what dating apps are like from the other side, because I've heard plenty of instances where a girl helps her guy friend make a dating profile thinking she can help him get setup on a date, and are baffled when they can't get him matches or conversations with anyone.<p>And one thing that's not obvious unless you do your research, is if you're getting swiped right or matched with frequently enough, the Tinder algorithm will just stop showing you to people with no indication you're essentially shadowbanned. Supposedly you can reset the algorithm every few months by deleting your account and recreating it, but apparently if you do this too many times you'll get permanently shadowbanned and won't be able to use Tinder unless you get a new phone number. And considering Match.com owns Tinder and every other major dating website/app, I wouldn't be surprised if they'd use a shared list of the "unlovables."<p>It really feels like it's cranked to 11 a system where men have to desperately try and stand out amongst a ginormous crowd of other men, and women have to sort through this ginormous crowd of men who may or may not be genuine, not wanting to "settle" because there might be a better one in there somewhere. It's clearly not working anyone, and dating is just so exhausting because of it.
Modern dating apps are terrible because they have taken all the mechanics used in the gambling industry and use that to fleece users. I hope this generation makes a conscious decision to go backwards in the search for love. Love isn't convenient and its not supposed to be.
This sort of long-form writing is what attracted me to OkCupid once upon a time, before it was bought out by Match.com and gradually enshittified. I feel like there is a niche for dating people who like long-form reading and writing still, instead of the swipe left and right on one picture format popularized by Tinder.<p>Potential problems:<p>- Launching a dating app from scratch; where do you get your first users if you're ethical and refuse to fake users? (If you're not ethical, people could just use existing unethical dating sites with fake users.)<p>- Keeping the business from being bought out by Match.com and enshittified, just like its predecessors<p>- Developing a business model that doesn't incentivize unethical behavior, as OkCupid famously pointed out before it was bought out: <a href="https://gwern.net/doc/psychology/okcupid/whyyoushouldneverpayforonlinedating.html" rel="nofollow noreferrer">https://gwern.net/doc/psychology/okcupid/whyyoushouldneverpa...</a><p>I'm probably posting on the wrong forum, but I don't think VC-backed startups can solve this problem. You need maybe a worker-owned co-op, or an open source non-profit like Mastodon, to have any hope of resisting the pressures of capitalism that ultimately ruin all these sites.
> After going through a breakup last year, Connie Li, a software engineer, rejoined the dating apps, ready to dip her toe in the water again. But many of the men who reached out to her seemed to just want something casual, so she tried something new.<p>That is the problem right there. Most dating apps nowadays allow you to set filters for dating preferences (long-term partner, casual, hookups etc.). I asume that the pool of candidates that she faced with that filter turned on and who wanted truly long-term commitments didn't fit her expectations or taste/preferences. Creating google docs profiles won't solve the underlying issue - majority of men mostly looking for casual hookups or outright lying about their intensions (faking long-term interest to get some quick bedroom action).
Imo what dating apps are missing is the ability to meet a friend of a friend, or a friend of a friend of a friend. If that was offered it could be easier to meet and also get along with the people you do meet because there is already a mutual friend there which might mean similar interests or maybe compatible personalities…
> “I’ve literally never in my life gone to a bar to meet a stranger,” he said. “I just can’t even imagine it.”<p>Most NYT pieces like this have a snarky comment that sums up the writer's opinion about the supposed trend they're observing. I thought this one was pretty good. On the whole, I'd rather they only covered stories they thought were important, but it's also good to have a laugh.
I never got the whole dating app buzz but have found speed dating to be the absolute best way to meet people who want to meet people.<p>You meet physically, get to hear, see and smell each other, interact face to face and have an easy exit.<p>No filters, no yester year pictures, no catchy phrases except for those you've mastered.<p>Met some very nice people for some very fun times (not just sex).
The issue with dating apps is that they optimize on entirely the wrong factors.<p>What matters in a relationship is trust, safety, reliability, shared goals and vision, etc. Yes, some level of physical attraction is useful and necessary, sex is important, but it doesn't make sense to optimize 90% on that trait. The only way to figure this stuff out is to meet as soon as possible and "clock" the other person.<p>Not only that, but the target market of dating apps are overwhelmingly biased towards short-term hedonism anyway.<p>Tinder are currently running a marketing campaign that is entirely focused on queer dating (not LGB, more like the rainbow gender stuff), which is both a tiny fraction of the market, and also unlikely to be something that will actually result in life-long relationships. It seems bizarre for them to focus so heavily on this group until you realise that, as others have posted, people who aren't ready to settle down are the most profitable group.