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Ask HN: How did you escape homelessness?

37 pointsby clubm8over 1 year ago
I have multiple degrees, I don&#x27;t use hard drugs.<p>I lost my job during COVID. My family pulled all support, leading me to be evicted due to nonpayment of rent.<p>Flash forward, the folks I got tenure, internships, and jobs have not connected me with work.<p>I lowered my standards and applied to things like dishwasher with no luck.<p>I feel harassed, and exhausted my savings on a Bellingcat certification and verifying my eligibility for Italian citienship.<p>Is that what I should do... emigrate back where I came from?<p>I&#x27;m currently in a hotel that lacks basic anemities like a functioning shower, paid monthly by family who demand I &quot;get a job&quot; but don&#x27;t help in that matter... when the medical advice I was given was to cut ties.<p>This is complicated by things like being an activist but... I was a feminist. I was a hacker. I was kind to people. My heart is broken, and not in a romantic way -- they took advantage of me, always one offer at a time, forcing me back to have guns pointed at me and abuse hurled.<p>Anyways, how did you escape this? Are there specific nonprofits in states other than PA?<p>Did you speak to an embassy?<p>How do I avoid a situation where I get as upset as I am right now and do something extreme?<p>Everyone I met in this predicament, it was due to severe mental illness (like, schitzophrenia, etc) or a severe substance abuse issue.<p>I took years off from drinking, and am perfectly capable of having just one Guiness socially.<p>I struglle, some days, to contain my anxiety, because I&#x27;m literally homeless and I am that way because I wouldn&#x27;t tolerate bad behaviors -- we removed some politicans, arrested others.<p>It feels like I&#x27;m nudged down a dark path, and I wanted to ask for help -- someone posted a link ages ago for jobs for people with depression...<p>They told me in grad school you&#x27;re not depressed per se... you have C-PTSD... a series of events.<p>I&#x27;m capable of controlling it, but... it requires not being reliant on handouts, or I have to make bad decisions like &quot;eat a big breakfast of meats I found in a charity fridge, let my blood sugar drop having too much caffeine so I can wait til dinnertime to eat again because I can&#x27;t afford to buy food in the place that&#x27;s nice enough to give me hot water if I sit in the corner&quot;<p>Are folks willing to help? Or am I just a signal in the noise to be discarded when I&#x27;m no longer useful? I&#x27;ve never killed or raped anyone. I&#x27;m not a monster.<p>Why won&#x27;t anyone help me?

22 comments

brandall10over 1 year ago
&quot;Everyone I met in this predicament, it was due to severe mental illness (like, schitzophrenia, etc) or a severe substance abuse issue.&quot;<p>I understand your situation can be incredibly stressful, but have you been evaluated by a mental health professional?<p>I see quite a few disconnected thoughts here that I&#x27;m having trouble making sense of. In addition notions of being persecuted, discarded, etc, esp. linked to taking part in social causes. I&#x27;m certainly not a medical professional myself but it seems similar to a schizophrenic I&#x27;ve known in the past.<p>It might be the case that getting a handle on this, esp. if it comes to a medical intervention, might be a good first step. Also just a note, the mention of &quot;hard drugs&quot;... if you&#x27;re doing anything w&#x2F; THC I would stop that immediately as it can greatly exacerbate symptoms.
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ofcourseyoudoover 1 year ago
Multiple times in these comments you&#x27;ve intimated a threat to someone. Look at the language you are using in response to some people here that have put genuine effort into trying to help you. You straight up sound crazy. If any of the tangential things you&#x27;ve thrown into your comments on this topic leaked into an interview I wouldn&#x27;t dream of hiring you.<p>I don&#x27;t care what PhD you have, if I&#x27;ve hired you as a dishwasher and then you say, &quot;Thanks I need this job because my family won&#x27;t support me because I&#x27;m not a pedophile&quot; I&#x27;m pulling that job offer ASAP.<p>Until you recognize that you are leaking tells of mental health issue with almost every response on this page (and are no doubt displaying the same behavior in in-person interactions), you are going to be a very difficult hire.<p>And it&#x27;s no one&#x27;s job on HN to connect you to a recruiter; based on your writing here I can&#x27;t imagine anyone here would vouch for you with their reputation.
drycobblerover 1 year ago
&gt; I don&#x27;t use hard drugs<p>Do you use cannabis? Your writing suggests to me (not a medical health professional but a family member to a person with mental health struggles) that you might be experiencing thought disorder, which is a sign of psychosis. In some people, cannabis use (including after a long period of use with no apparent negative effects) can cause substance abuse psychosis. Thought disorder can also be a sign of other non-drug-related psychotic spectrum disorders, like bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, and schizophrenia.<p>If you use soft drugs, consider taking a prolonged abstinence to see if your functioning improves.<p>Regardless of substance use, consider talking to a mental health professional. In Pennsylvania, the National Alliance on Mental Illness has a helpline for people undergoing mental health crises:<p>1-888-264-7972
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strangesmells02over 1 year ago
&gt; I&#x27;m currently in a hotel that lacks basic anemities like a functioning shower, paid monthly by family<p>How does a hotel not have a shower?<p>You sound depressed and you need to get numb and stoic and practical and focus on survival. Be grateful for minor successes and when people help you but dont indulge in all these negative emotions your expressing in your post...they are delusional.<p>All that matters to you right now is your practical day to day survival.<p>You will need to find a free shower. In the past I&#x27;ve used gym showers, shelter showers, beach showers, campground showers, marina showers, university gym showers, friends showers, etc. Call around and see if you can find a shower. Alot of times places like the YMCA or community center&#x27;s or homeless shelters have sliding scale memberships. You have to call and explain your situation and see if you can het a free membership. Many times if they cant help they can guide you to someone who does.<p>You need food. Look around for soup kitchens, food banks, church food lines, apply for food stamps.<p>Most cities in America and I imagine Europe is similar..have a place you can go and apply for government social safety net services like food stamps, medical care, job search support... and they will give you a caseworker who can guide you through social safety net options your region offers.<p>Overall I need to emphasize...you need to remain stoic and practical all of these depressed thoughts youre posting are wrong and will destroy what limited confidence you have.
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lusus_naturaeover 1 year ago
What keeps you from being employed as a store clerk or something like that? Is it citizenship issues?<p>Have you tried remote work sites, or something like upwork? Is there an unemployment office near you? It might even be your location, per my understanding jobs are more abundant in urban or close-to-urban areas, but require having a car or housing in that area. What if you secured a job first via an unemployment office (don&#x27;t mention activism stuff, or political stuff), and then apply for something like housing for low-income folk? Just some suggestions.<p>I suggest doing odd jobs for the couple helping you, as it might at least help them understand you&#x27;re not exploiting them. Good luck.<p>Edit: not sure if the tone of my message is coming out right, but its not meant to be judgmental or challenging you :)
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wnolensover 1 year ago
I don&#x27;t know.<p>But I would prioritize any job whatsoever, regardless of location. If you&#x27;re in a hotel paid by family, then you can swing a bus ticket&#x2F;cheap flight. While there is higher cost of living in cities, there&#x27;s way more jobs. You can live far out and commute via public transit.<p>Your family is saving your life right now. So folks ARE willing to help. Keep them informed as to your efforts so they don&#x27;t get resentful.
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RcouF1uZ4gsCover 1 year ago
&gt; My family pulled all support, leading me to be evicted due to nonpayment of rent.<p>&gt; Flash forward, the folks I got tenure, internships, and jobs have not connected me with work.<p>One thing that may be helpful is to work on your relationships. Something is making them go sour, and trying to find out why is going to reap big dividends.
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beebmamover 1 year ago
Are you in the US? There are an unbelievable amount of food service job openings that pay extremely well for that work ($15+ hourly plus tips). I personally know a few business owners that are desperate to hire.
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yowlingcatover 1 year ago
&gt; Are folks willing to help? Or am I just a signal in the noise to be discarded when I&#x27;m no longer useful? I&#x27;ve never killed or raped anyone. I&#x27;m not a monster.<p>And yet you seem to have no problem making threats to random people on the internet. If you do this on the internet, who knows what you do in real life? I wouldn&#x27;t say what you&#x27;re doing is that much better, and to be frank you are on the way to becoming a &quot;monster&quot; if you aren&#x27;t already one. You certainly are not employable right now.<p>The fact that you have been hurt by other people who have acted like monsters doesn&#x27;t excuse that; rather, that&#x27;s generally how &quot;monsters&quot; are created (the cycle of suffering). Many people have suffered the kind of trauma you have suffered but without going in the direction you have gone with your life. The sooner you recognize that, the better.<p>You&#x27;ve made a lot of excuses for your poor life decisions that you blame on your family, on people you used to work for, on those who have wronged you, on really everyone but yourself. You haven&#x27;t taken responsibility for the direction your life has taken. Until you do that, why would the direction of your life ever change? After all, you&#x27;re mistakenly believing other people have the power to change something about your life that only you can change.<p>I&#x27;m not a doctor. But, as others have mentioned in this thread, it really doesn&#x27;t seem like you&#x27;re okay. And it seems like you either are not in the right state of mind to understand your own problems, or you are in denial of them, or maybe a little of both.<p>You wouldn&#x27;t ask Reddit what to do about a gunshot wound you received; you&#x27;d call 911 and take yourself to a hospital. Your current situation may be more similar to that than you may realize. You really need to speak to a clinician; it&#x27;s possible that psychiatric medication or some other kind of other clinical intervention could help save your life. But again -- only you can make that choice.
throwaway447over 1 year ago
Dude, I am in a similar situation but I know how to get back to my feed.<p>Big question: How old are you? This makes a big difference.<p>&gt; Is that what I should do... emigrate back where I came from?<p>No, but you should write down ALL options that you have. Italian citizenship is not bad, it would allow you to work in all EU countries. Also, this can be a 2 year gig. Gets you back on your feet, that&#x27;s it.<p>Were you born in the US? Based on your post I am not 100% sure. Also, you don&#x27;t specify what kind of degrees you have. IT?<p>Teaching English in China would also be an option.<p>PS: Travis, is this you?
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Nextgridover 1 year ago
You mention you don&#x27;t use drugs but then you start talking about being an activist, potentially doing something extreme, and looking for &quot;jobs for people with depression&quot;. The problem is that all of this still screams &quot;baggage&quot;. Maybe not as bad as a hard drug problem or criminal record, but it&#x27;s still &quot;baggage&quot; that nobody would want to deal with when there&#x27;s plenty of other people that either don&#x27;t have it or hide it well enough.<p>When you&#x27;re looking for help and handouts, &quot;going against the grain&quot; is not a successful strategy, so you need to put all the activism&#x2F;strong morals&#x2F;etc aside and never bring it up. Make up a believable backstory about yourself that doesn&#x27;t bring any of this up nor raise suspicions to explain your predicament to potential employers (someone with degrees in knowledge work applying for menial work is more surprising than a blue-collar worker) and use that to slowly rebuild.<p>&gt; Is that what I should do... emigrate back where I came from?<p>If I had to choose I&#x27;d rather be homeless in Europe than the US. The latter is a country where fucking the little people is considered good business and so much existing business relies on that, where moneyed interests have effectively seized control of the government and where the general groupthink would be against (or can easily be convinced to go against) anything that would help the little people in fear that it would be &quot;socialism&quot; - definitely not a good place for someone in this position.
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david-gpuover 1 year ago
You ask for help, but you don&#x27;t tell us the sort of information we would need to help:<p>- Where are you?<p>- What education do you have?<p>- What work experience do you have?<p>- What other marketable skills do you have, if any?<p>- What family and friends do you have that could provide any support?
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Nzenover 1 year ago
I can&#x27;t speak from personal experience, but Jessica Kent has a video [0] describing how she was able to rebuild her life post-prison. It&#x27;s not quite the same, but ex-convicts in the US definitely have to work against stigma to eke out a living and shelter. I&#x27;ll be frank, though, there is definitely a lot of luck.<p>[0] <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;youtu.be&#x2F;4y0EoVooPIg?si=PzXw3DsNa_mp5dpH&amp;t=26" rel="nofollow noreferrer">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;youtu.be&#x2F;4y0EoVooPIg?si=PzXw3DsNa_mp5dpH&amp;t=26</a> 10 min, time is after the preamble.
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cc101over 1 year ago
For some folks finding a position as a camp host can help ease one&#x27;s distress. Campers are almost always relaxed, friendly, and out to have a good time. The campground, itself, is usually a beautiful and pleasant place to be. While it&#x27;s only for part of the year and doesn&#x27;t solve all one&#x27;s issues (food for example), it can help move one&#x27;s life forward.
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TotalCrackpotover 1 year ago
Maybe check living in a car like station vagon, suv or a van. There is a community around that lifestyle, they make money through food delivery in the car. There are subreddits on reddit on this lifestyle, maybe it can help you survive and find other options with time. Maybe you can check out anarchist squats, maybe they are where you are, maybe they can give you a place to sleep.
meiralealover 1 year ago
I have been there, including the path of blaming others for my issues. I became homeless for some time after going this &quot;activist&quot; route, fighting family and friends after going broke because of a failed startup.<p>My &quot;solution&quot; at the time, not very wise, was to double down the issue, joined a project in a left wing movement that fights for land rights for the poor, MST. It was very risky, I&#x27;m glad things worked out well in the end as I used my tech knowledge to help the project meanwhile getting a job and a place to live in a shared house of other hackers and creators. But not without some big fights and situations that could have got me killed. So not sure if I would recommend going down the &quot;activism&quot; route. Sometimes people think they can change the world but aren&#x27;t capable to help their family and friends - and actually expect help from them. Maybe it is time for you to connect with the people that you are demanding help from.
merthover 1 year ago
obviously It wont help from that moment you evicted but if you dont have emergency funds to cover your next 12 months, I would downsize on life style, even go vanlife to save up to secure short term feature atleast.
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ahazred8taover 1 year ago
&gt; multiple degrees<p>Okay, good. What are your degrees? In what?<p>Note: there are temp-to-perm agencies that fill white-collar office jobs; that might keep you afloat while you&#x27;re looking
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rl1987over 1 year ago
What kind of cert do you have from Bellingcat? Maybe you can do some freelance OSINT work?
MollyRealizedover 1 year ago
I&#x27;d like to summarize what you speak of above.<p>*<p>Career: You have multiple degrees, lost work during COVID19, have Bellingcat certification, and have not been able to find any new employment, including physical low-level jobs like dishwasher.<p>Savings: You indicate you were evicted from your home after your family withdrew support, but despite the phrase &#x27;withdrew support&#x27;, seem to also indicate they are funding the monthly bill for your current long-term hotel. You have no savings.<p>Emotion: You have CPTSD, you feel anxious&#x2F;fearful, you have low hope, and you feel betrayed and taken advantage of.<p>Substance Abuse: you are drinking, but not using hard drugs.<p>Health: Due to the blood sugar comment, I&#x27;m presuming you may have diabetes, or blood sugar issues.<p>*<p>I&#x27;m going to make some suggestions. I&#x27;m entering into a bit of a colder mode as I write this. Because of this, I want to pre-emptively say that I DO have empathy for you; it&#x27;s just the place I go when I try to channel survivalism instincts.<p>*<p>PHYSICAL<p>It is often easy to believe our body and our mind are separate; that our soul is different from our body. But alcohol is a depressant. Low blood sugar will make you sad and angry. In both those cases, those feelings will not feel like they come from your biology; you will feel you have perfect mental&#x2F;emotional reasons to feel that way. So, for this first item:<p>First, I would suggest at this point you vow to not take another drink, at least for now, and only resume at some far future point where your life is stable, where you feel well, and, most importantly, where you&#x27;ve talked the decision over with a mental health professional, to rule out any concern of addiction. This is not criticism of you; this is a survivalist decision. I had a friend literally drink himself to organ failure and die. Every person in the world will claim they can manage their illness.<p>(Also, alcohol makes your blood sugar drop. Your liver stops working on producing glucose, as it gives higher priority to the poison (alcohol). As such, since it&#x27;s not producing glucose any more, your blood sugar drops.)<p>Second, go to a free health clinic, and have someone there test your A1C. It will tell you what your blood sugar&#x27;s been over the last three months. I suspect your blood sugar isn&#x27;t stable. If it&#x27;s constantly too low, you will feel sad, shaky, angry, and you can&#x27;t operate. If it&#x27;s constantly too high, there&#x27;s many other issues. If it&#x27;s stable, then good. (As a side note, only AFTER you know that your blood sugar isn&#x27;t too high -- and don&#x27;t think that that&#x27;s solely food-related -- most pharmacies sell little packs of glucose tablets about the size of a Life Savers roll, back near the pharmacy, as well as larger jars. For simply addressing the low sugar concern, they are useful.)<p>CAREER<p>To me, I see the lack of ability to get manual work like dishwashing as a flag that something may be wrong with how you are presenting yourself at job interviews. As such, if there is anyone who is the kind of person who is in the job-seeking or &quot;day-to-day&quot; world -- perhaps shelter management, perhaps somewhere else -- who can give you a honest opinion, try that. I have seen people who are well-meaning but who have one fatal flaw in how they present themselves that will torpedo any interview they go to. I am guessing you may have one, and you may simply need someone to tell you so you can correct it. You basically need to find someone who will let you do practice interviews and give you feedback -- and then take that feedback, with no ego. What you&#x27;re used to - or what you think worked for you - isn&#x27;t any longer, so you need to follow others&#x27; advice.<p>After that, if I were in your circumstance, I&#x27;d look for this - perhaps a Walmart worker, perhaps a dishwasher, perhaps something - and work that job until you have a modicum of stability on a lower level than perhaps you&#x27;re used to pre-layoff. Once you have a moderate income coming in, then start to look at your resume and your work in the field you wish to return to. Start applying to those, but do so when the pressure has been removed from you in terms of day-to-day living by your interim job. It will mean you will come across as more self-assured and relaxed at an interview, and these translate to positive impressions.<p>INTERIM ADVICE<p>Go to Reddit. Look at &#x2F;r&#x2F;povertyfinance, &#x2F;r&#x2F;assistance, &#x2F;r&#x2F;homeless, &#x2F;r&#x2F;almosthomeless, &#x2F;r&#x2F;food_pantry.<p>Libraries have also become tremendous resources for those in dire need, including homeless. Go to your nearest one. Ask if they have resources they might suggest. Only in the reddest of states -- and maybe not even there, as most librarians are good everywhere -- might you encounter any unpleasant responses.<p>MENTAL ATTITUDE<p>As someone with &#x2F;r&#x2F;CPTSD herself (and yes, Reddit has a &#x2F;r&#x2F;CPTSD forum that is very good), as someone who has definitely despaired and been a month or two away from losing it all, I will tell you that I personally have experienced much (not all) of what you&#x27;ve gone through.<p>It is extremely, extremely easy to say to yourself that you have lost control. That you are helpless, and that you are having things done <i>to</i> you.<p>For me, I have coped through a sort of internal &quot;parts work&quot; or &quot;Internal Family Systems&quot; concept -- basically, in that I mentally assign roles to different people in my head. I don&#x27;t mean this to insult anyone who legitimately struggles with DID, but I have done a lot of emotional coping in my life by having people inside me argue.<p>And, as I suggested above, what I think might be of benefit to you is to let a cold, iron controller take control of you. Let them say damn the world, you are taking control of your life. There is a poem out there called &#x27;Invictus&#x27;. It is public domain, and free on Wikipedia. It ends with: &quot;I am the master of my fate &#x2F; I am the captain of my soul.&quot; Hang it on your wall. Say that you will seize control. Things won&#x27;t be done to you; you will do. That doesn&#x27;t mean act on every emotion; a captain doesn&#x27;t just madly stake a claim to steer into the rocks and demand everyone follow him into the crash.<p>But take your compass and plot your course, then steer your ship. STEER YOUR SHIP. Seize the wheel.<p>I wish you luck.
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georgeobamaover 1 year ago
Living a non-conforming lifestyle is completely fine, from a position of power. But from a position of desperation (eg, homelessness, joblessness, etc) it is far more advisable to try to conform more to whatever local standards exist for you - in terms of style of hair, clothes, speech, etc - and completely drop anything controversial such as political activism.
mynameishereover 1 year ago
The advice is always the same for these situations: &quot;Pull yourself together.&quot;<p>It sounds so mean, but nothing else will work.
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