lol<p>putting together a kid's play kitchen at 2am on christmas
directed by Michael Bay
FADE IN:<p>INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT<p>CAMERA PANS across a Christmas tree adorned with twinkling lights.<p>WHIP PAN to an unopened BOX marked “KID'S PLAY KITCHEN.” A clock nearby shows “2AM”.<p>CLOSE UP on the sweaty face of JACK (40s, ruggedly handsome.) He rips open the box with determination in his eyes.<p>CUT TO:<p>INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER<p>Jack has laid out all the KITCHEN PIECES across the floor.<p>He stares at the ASSEMBLY MANUAL, its instructions seemingly written in another language.<p>Suddenly, the MANUAL bursts into flames.<p>JACK (Voiceover):
"No instructions... no problem."<p>ACTION MUSIC begins to blare.<p>Whip pan to a DRONE SHOT of Jack furiously assembling the play kitchen, explosions occasionally erupting from the pieces as if they were Transformers transforming.<p>CUT TO:<p>INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER<p>Jack struggles with a particularly difficult PIECE, wrestling with it like it's a live alligator.<p>Suddenly, a PHONE RINGS. Jack doesn't notice, he's too focused on the task at hand.<p>CLOSE UP on the caller ID: "SANTA CLAUS"<p>Suddenly, a MISSILE LAUNCHER appears out of the kitchen piece, pointing directly at Jack.<p>Jack wrestles the piece to the ground, narrowly avoiding a missile that blasts through the roof, leaving a gaping hole. Snowflakes descend from the sky, accumulating on Jack's sweat-soaked brow.<p>CUT TO:<p>INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER<p>LOW ANGLE SHOT of Jack, now shirtless, standing triumphant above the assembled play kitchen.<p>A triumphant ORCHESTRA SCORE swells.<p>Suddenly, the newly assembled play kitchen TRANSFORMS into a life-size, fully operational kitchen, complete with a working coffee maker and toaster.<p>Jack, amazed, turns the coffee maker on. It promptly EXPLODES, sending him flying across the room.<p>CUT TO:<p>INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER<p>Jack, now bandaged, surveying the wrecked living room. The play kitchen, surprisingly, is still intact.<p>Suddenly, from the toaster pops a burnt piece of toast.<p>Jack chuckles, picking up the toast. As he bites into it, it EXPLODES, sending crumbs everywhere.<p>FADE OUT:<p>TO BE CONTINUED...