Harmful effects of social media notwithstanding, it's not just about the phones.<p>Reaching for your phone is an example of what psychologists refer to as avoidance behaviours. We look at screens so that we don't have to deal with difficult thoughts and emotions.<p>Sure, without a phone that person had no other choice but to face whatever they've been avoiding. But more often than not leaving someone to their own devices when they clearly can't cope with the situation by themselves makes them look for a different source of distraction that in turn will make you wish they were "just" addicted to social media.<p>A person doing well mentally has no need to avoid anything. The right thing to do is help them get there, not play whack-a-mole with their coping mechanisms.
I’m not sure I’ve seen anyone disagree with the premise that phone and social media addiction is bad for kids (and probably adults too), and yet we still find ourselves in this position.<p>What are we to do? Banning phone use on an individual basis is a recipe for social suicide. Some kind of collective action is needed.<p>Legislation against phone use for minors is one option, but I wouldn’t expect it to receive widespread support. Banning social media for minors might be workable, but it wouldn’t fully resolve the issue.
If all the kids in the peer group have no cell phones, solving the mental health crisis would be easy. As long as some kids have access, the others will feel like they are being deprived of something fundamental, will resent their parents and will look for any opportunity to get on social media.<p>A technological solution is to have complete control over the computing devices we "own". But that goes against the interests of trillion dollar corporations and so we can't have that.<p>Like I was figuring out if there is a way to let my kid use Youtube with a select set of channels, but no. Youtube needs to keep showing suggestions on what to watch next. I would gladly pay for the ability to control what content my kid sees, but Youtube stands to make more profit by getting the kid addicted to their app.
Well, I didn't read the whole article, but I can confirm that I like my daughter (14) better once her allocated phone time is up each day. She only just got the phone 6 months ago, and we limit screen time pretty severely with Google Family Link, so we think we're doing ok. We have discussed trimming the screen time down even more, since school finished up. Also, she's not doing any social media at all. Still, kids are more fun when they aren't staring at a screen (in my opinion and possibly contrary to what many believe).<p>I think this is obvious to any parent, right? Too much screen time bad. I know it's bad for me as well, though my current bias is heavily against technology in general - I will admit that.
So I was one of the first generation to have access to instant messaging when I was less than 11. (I'm pushing 40)<p>I am despite what the media says, a digital native.<p>that being said, I don't think kids should be on social media. By that I mean instagram/tiktok/snapchat<p>I have been talking to my kids (10/7) about "the internet". The normal stuff: no real names, no photos, no giving away details to anyone. They have a shared iPad, but it has time limits, and it stays in the living room.<p>and as an adult leader for a "uniformed organisation" for kids, one of the badges is about staying safe online. Some of the shit that I hear from them leaves me a bit worried. Roblox is a fucking nest of paedophiles. Instgram isn't a place for kids, and neither is youtube.<p>But, the biggest issue, apart from google and facebook not having any commercial incentive to stop kids from using their stuff: is parents not talking to their kids to find out whats happening.<p>Who are they talking to?<p>How long are they spending online?<p>What are they watching?<p>You as a parent have to be involved. You can't let your kid wander alone on the internet. You need to set barriers.<p>You don't need to be a helicopter, but you do need to take an interest.<p>You also need to have a strong fucking password to stop the kids getting round the parental controls.
The daughter was vaping. I'm not entirely clear, how did taking away a phone stop that?<p>And I know a large number of teens that are honor role, on sports teams, and gesticulate, all while having a phone and actively use social media.<p>I also know teens with depression, insomnia, and poor grades, even though they don't have a phone or social media.<p>That's not to say phones aren't harmful, but clearly it's not everything.
> my daughter is among the first generation of 10-to-14-year-olds active on social media<p>This makes sense if her daughter is presently 25 years old
IMO the problem with phones for teens it that they have nothing to use them for except socialization. Adult phone addiction is a problem but phones are also tools for adults. Answering emails, calling the doctor's office, checking your credit card statement, etc. Teens have literally no use for phones except for communication/socialization. They also have abundant free time. One plan I've been thinking about for my own kid (currently 9mo old) is he's allowed to have a phone as long as he also has a job (or suitable job-like activity appropriate for a teen).
Has anyone made a rate-limited phone UX? Not just measuring screen time, but pre-agreed quotas, e.g. N mins per hour during specific time periods or locations, for the entire phone, specific apps, and/or contact groups.
Sometimes I wish we wouldn't limit these studies / conclusions to just children. Certainly children are more susceptible and lack greater control than adults but the negatives of high phone usage and social media propagates throughout society and adults. Of course whereas a parent can take away their daughter's phones, who's to take away ours?
I wonder if there's a market for phones whose software can only do a few things. I mean: maps, phone, whatsapp.<p>Obviously in theory stock Android can do that but they don't really take child locks seriously because they have the wrong threat model for it - they think "it only has to be securish because most children aren't going to be smart enough to circumvent it and it's not serious if they do anyway", instead of "it has to be actually secure because you only need one smart child out of thousands to figure out a bypass and it is serious because it affects peoples lives".<p>So maybe you could have an Android distro where it literally white-lists a few apps and servers at the OS level.
My kids are better for their iPhones. They have no access to social media and policies in place to make sure they are tools and not sources of entertainment and addiction.<p>Absolutes on either end of the spectrum just lead to extremism which helps no one. This headline (the article one and the HN summary) are just extremism via reductionism. You can reduce this entire thing to a point but it deprives them of their instinctive tool using and building mentality.
The thing about phones is that they make bad parenting obvious. And that's apparently terrifying to a lot of adults.<p>Luckily for us, we can just blame tech and sidestep any responsibility.
I'm always curious to understand how so many people didn't know phones and social media would be bad. I remember having "prohoetic" discussions about all this in 2008 with a bunch of privates in the Army. How people ever thought how the internet was evolving in the early 2000s was going to be only amazing has always baffled me.
Attention control seems to be a top cultivative practice. What you put your attention on, how long, etc.<p>Good practice delivers health, sensitivity, kindness. Bad delivers bad health, bad behavior.<p>Pleasure, habit and popularity is a bad guide here. You might actually have to fight for your sanity.
the effect of hyperconnection is especially bad for girls. they can keep leaning into it until they fall flat on their faces. boys will tend to not engage with it to that extent even if available. its interesting that human society has been a wild and ill-advised experiment every since the introduction of agriculture. we are all going to eat nothing but carbohydrates and sit around all day, whereas yesterday we ate mostly animals and spent all of our time running around from place to place. since the start, insane and dangerous experiments have been the norm. if we choose to reject the madness, reject AI namely, it will be the first time in history. an experiment in and of itself.
It's not just kids. I'm literally watching dozens of relationships of
people I know IRL breaking down... depressed and angry teenagers
fighting with parents, couples divorcing, jealousy and suspicion
tearing friendships apart. It's fucked up. Smartphones and social media
are at right at the heart of it. These are dark times to live through
and I hope to see an age when all of this is repaired and behind us,
and we can find a kinder, more mature and saner use for technology.
"I found answers via my sister in Johann Hari's book Stolen Focus, which explores how and why our attention is collapsing: "The phones we have, and the programs that run on them, were deliberately designed by the smartest people in the world to maximally grab and maximally hold our attention.""<p>If only they were designed by "the smartest people in the world". This is a journalistic trope. They were designed by people with social problems not to help address their problems but to feed an unhealthy addiction to computers as an escape.
Every time a parent asks me for suggestions (and they do.. a lot!) on "how can I stay in touch with my kid but not give him/her a smartphone", I suggest they switch to Apple ecosystem and get some cheap second-hand iPhone for the parent(s), and an second-hand Apple Watch 4 (or later) that has LTE and GPS. With this they can add an e-sim to the watch with unlimited minutes, and they can stay in touch with their kids 24/7, track their location, etc. Just remember to ALWAYS charge the watch when the kids get home.<p>I also suggest that they lock-down the settings of the kids' watch (the customisation/locking-down is very good) just add a few contacts (papa, mama, sis/bro) and that's it. Nobody else can call them, and they cannot call anyone else (except emergency services).<p>ps: I personally run on Android. I absolutely despise and I dropped every Apple-thing I had on the battery-gate scandal)
Articles like these which blame technology as the great evil, with a “what about the children! think of the children!” bent, are biased and troubling.<p>The article starts by blaming then iPhone and social media and goes on to show how the child is a victim of poor parenting and divorce.<p>Maybe the child’s depression, anxiety, and longing for acceptance comes straight out of the broken home and not social media.
Dear Chat-GPT, please write an article in the style of an abusive narcissistic parent with no writing skills.<p>Make sure she lets shine through that her child distrusts her so much that she lies and keeps secrets. The relationship between parent and child has broken down, and the child is not to blame.<p>Let the reader realize in not so subtle ways that the phone isn’t the actual issue, and let them realize the author is an unreliable narrator.