Tips for the Timeless Startup:<p>- Don't ask permission for anything. Just do it and apologize if you get caught.<p>- Don't hash your user passwords. Ensure that you have a "database leak" at least once once you hit over 100k users. (Make sure you drop TechCrunch a tip to make sure that you cover your security breach). Also make sure you use SHA1/MD5.<p>- Make sure anyone signing up for an account has to pick a password at least over 8 characters and must contain at least one symbol, one upper case letter, and a number. Additionally, no two identical characters can be next to each other (both on your keyboard on in the password string).<p>- Hire female models to do all of your publicity material. Ensure you film it. Don't take any BS if people criticize you for this.<p>- Make sure all your users have to verify their email before they can access their account. (Wait an hour before sending out any activiation emails).<p>- Send out newsletters and marketting material filled with BS martketing speel at least once a day.<p>- If you provide an "unsubcribe" on your email, make sure that it's behind a login wall, that requires users to log in before they can unsubscribe from emails.<p>- If your users want to cancel their account, require that they provide you with a reason. Once they have provided you with a reason, tell them you are sorry to see them go, but incase they change their mind, you will keep their account open for 14 more days. (Keep sending them emails telling them you miss them)<p>- Run regular "competitions" for your users, but make sure that you always pick an employee as the winner so that you don't have to give out any awards.
Oh my gosh! there must have been highly trained agents pretending to be managers at my old Fortune 100 job! (I always knew it was impossible they where that incompetent!)
jk jk :)