At least for some of us, this isn't by choice.
I have no interest in clubs, bars or drinking - in a new city. How am I to meet people?
I keep getting told go to clubs and meetups. I found one boardgame club and went to it, it wasn't for me. Now what? I can't find a club of programmers or Linux users that meet more than once in a blue moon.<p>If you're in Melbourne and are actually into Linux/programming I'd love to hear from you. I'm tired of being 'nerdy' meaning playing DnD or video games, I want to mix with people interested in something beyond surface level.<p>If you can sense a hint of frustration in my typing you'd be correct
Anecdotal, but speaking as a nearly 72 year old, I spend almost all of my time alone, except for my (fairly crap) carers, and my (very nice) cleaning lady/cook, and her little doggie. But I do feel a bit lonely, but I think I always have.
I wonder if this is simply a transition to online platforms.<p>For example, this source reports 245 million monthly active Discord users in the US:
<a href="https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/discord-users-by-country" rel="nofollow">https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/discord-u...</a>
I really hate this style of headline (which is not from the original article apparently). It should go in the garbage bin along with "fastest growing" and others. By itself it doesn't tell you any meaningful information. Maybe "young men" are spending just a few percent more of their time alone than the next group. Maybe that other group started spending <i>less</i> time alone. The actual "problem" is that time spent alone has drastically increased, not that they surpassed some other group, and that's what the headline should say.
I won't interpret this as a battle of the sexes. Instead, I'll argue that we simply have it "too good" and now eschew other effortful forms of entertainment, companionship, and adventure.<p>Phones provide all the dopamine we need, perfectly fit for our attention and interests. Always on, never-ending streams of it. Everything else in life just doesn't provide the same immediate hit. It takes too much effort to hang out with friends, go to the community theater, or go out on a date.<p>The internet and its algorithms are turning us into zombies.
A journalist recently wrote an article in The Atlantic covering the epidemic of people spending more time alone and did an interview to talk about it.<p>PBS - “The Anti-Social Century:” Inside America’s Epidemic of Solitude | Amanpour and Company<p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz8KrZFhaxU" rel="nofollow">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz8KrZFhaxU</a><p>People have been talking about this issue for a long time now.<p>We know it's an important problem and it's not the first time community has sort of collapsed, but it takes time for society to adjust back to a balance. Whether we force a fix or not, after the older generations pass away there will be more opportunity and sense of purpose/meaning in reaching out.<p>When stability and satisfaction is relatively achievable without others, the required motivational threshold for putting in the effort to make connections gets higher. This compounds when some businesses, events and organizations that rely on strong socializing tendencies to succeed start to decline. Then those have to be rebuilt once people realize the problem.<p>The worry is that the internet and online socializing could keep us in a groove that limits the effectiveness of any corrective measures, reducing the ROI on initiatives to solve it.
24M, don't want kids. not going to marry (if no kids, why fuck yourself?). sex is fun but not fun enough to make me consider any of the previous things<p>A bunch of our social activities center around families or dating (and dating culture is just a precursor for marriage for most people)<p>I'm genuinely convinced (as a young man) that the reason why people are "upset" about us being alone is because they'd rather screw us into arrangements that benefit them. It's just manipulation disguised as concern
As someone who is entering the age where I should be spending as little time as possible in my life alone (presumably because I’d be married with kids) I’m looking at a very lonely life in the traditional sense. I’m single with no indicator of that changing.<p>I have a decent amount of friends and see people regularly at my gym since I workout everyday. So, there’s always some minor socialization on any given day. My big woe though is that there’s no easy way for me to meet women. All the things I do normally are just not popular with women and most men are terrible for introducing you to women. After all, any guy who knows a woman who is eligible and attractive will burn the bridge himself unless he’s not single but even then - usually is not encouraged to know such women due to his partner. Even when I try to branch out and do things that are more popular with women, it’s a very challenging environment to get anywhere socially. Yoga and Pilates classes aren’t known for their social atmosphere and if you join in on a cardio dance class - your sexuality and masculinity will inherently be questioned.<p>Seems most people 25+ rely on dating apps to meet opposite sex now and I’m sure that contributed a lot to the loneliness figures. A lot of us have little reason to go out if we don’t think there’s at least a chance at romance - and the amount of good spaces to meet partners has dwindled.
Is this alone or 'alone'?<p>I remember in 2000-2006 spending a ton of my time with friends at a lanshop, because our computers were terrible.<p>It would have counted as in person time, but once we got better computers and internet we just started hanging out online with webcams and voice chat instead.<p>Nothing much changed apart from spending a lot less money and going to bed at a more reasonable time - the 24 hour discount was probably not the best for our sleep schedules.
Related recent stories on this topic:<p>Surgeon General says loneliness is driving US into anxiety and pessimism <a href="https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42330341">https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42330341</a><p>Loneliness in Midlife: A Growing Gap Between US and Europe<p><a href="https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39752487">https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39752487</a><p>The myth of the loneliness epidemic<p><a href="https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42238160">https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42238160</a>
The fact that both young men and young women are now spending so much time alone (that huge spike starting around 2010) is more worrisome to me. I'm concerned about the long-term effects on our society.
When society abandons you, you abandon society.<p>It's not rocket science. The worst part isn't even the demonization of the "patriarchy" and "masculine energy", but the gaslighting.
I mean, yes and no?<p>27M speaking.<p>I see most of my friends irl about once every two weeks or so. We either make all day/weekend long plans or we don't meet up.<p>However we spend at least 2-3h on call daily in Discord and exchange about 200 messages a day in our Telegram groups.<p>Being conservative with both of those metrics that is.