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Ask HN: How do you have effective 1:1s with your manager?

69 pointsby justsocrateasin2 months ago
I'm about six years into my career now and I have no clue how to make my 1:1s with my manager more effective. How do you all prepare for your 1:1s, how do you conduct them, how do you see them as a tool for improving your career?

29 comments

Jemaclus2 months ago
Manager here: first, I&#x27;ll say that you&#x27;re ahead of the rest of the class just by asking this question. Most people don&#x27;t bother trying to get much out of the 1:1s with their bosses.<p>Here&#x27;s the basic answer: the 1:1 is for you, not for me. If I&#x27;m doing my job well, I already know the status of your work. This is a chance for you to talk about anything that you want.<p>Some of my reports ask about technical things: how can we solve X better? Can we use Y algorithm? Why did we wind up going with Z tech instead of something else?<p>Some of my reports ask behavioral questions: how can I work better with Sue? I&#x27;m not confident in my presentation skills, can you help with that? I think I pissed off Bob, how can I recover?<p>Some ask for business discussions: how can we contribute better to the business? what are the most important priorities of the business? why are we focusing on a silly feature when there&#x27;s so much tech debt to take care of?<p>And others talk about themselves: how can I get a promotion? How do I level up? What&#x27;s my biggest weakness and how can I work on it?<p>Some people do all of the above, and some do none of the above. Some people have no interest in 1:1s, and it&#x27;s just a quick status update and we bounce.<p>For that last group of people, I tend to try to poke and prod and try to get _something_ out of it, though.<p>I&#x27;ll put it this way: the 1:1 for you, but it&#x27;s also too valuable to skip just because you don&#x27;t want it. We <i>will</i> have a 1:1 on a regular cadence, whether you like it or not. I don&#x27;t want a meeting for the sake of having a meeting, but 1:1s are the single best way for managers to connect to team members. If you want to cancel all of the time because you have nothing to talk about, then that indicates a number of different possibilities, very few of which are good.<p>With that in mind, it&#x27;s in your best interest to make 1:1s the best they can possibly be, which you are doing, so kudos to you.<p>Hope that helps.
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ivan_gammel2 months ago
It depends on how skilled&#x2F;engaged is your manager. If it’s not a „you report progress“ exercise, you certainly should use 1:1s to „manage up“ and pursue your own agenda. Ask questions, suggest solutions, discuss plans etc.<p>Don’t make it too practical, try to have small talks too and chat about topics unrelated to work to build personal connection. The purpose of 1-1s is that and not to discuss current projects.<p>When you touch work-related topics, try to be as efficient as possible. Make sure you keep track of all discussed topics and ready to answer questions about action items from previous 1:1s.<p>If you need something, show some work in that direction too: e.g. you need some training? Find a few courses, check prices, suggest the best option on your opinion. If something can be done in advance or in async way, do it that way (applies to all sorts of meetings).
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_benj2 months ago
I used keep a running list of things I wanted to talk about, wether technical, cultural, help talking to other teams, etc.<p>I also always asked how did I look from his point of view. It was very important for to know how my performance was perceived, since it’s easy for there to be a discrepancy between how I see my performance vs how it is perceived.<p>He was also very friendly and shared career advice and whatnot. I truly truly believe that having a dedicated eng manager can be a big factor of a 1x vs a 10x. I know that during that time with my manager I was a 10x and when he moved to another department my performance lowered, where it was motivation, lack of resources&#x2F;feedback, or a combination or a bunch of other factors, having a good manager can make or brake a role in a company!
_moof2 months ago
God, I hate 1:1s. In years on the job I&#x27;ve never had one that was useful. Managers already know what&#x27;s going on because they&#x27;re getting daily updates plus a weekly staff meeting. The rest of the time, please just leave me alone so I can work!
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jrockway2 months ago
Strategy, not tactics. This isn&#x27;t a meeting for you to update your manager with project status (you&#x27;re doing that in the issue tracker, right?), it&#x27;s for you to grow your career (and maybe get status from your manager for things that aren&#x27;t in the bug tracker). Are there other teams I should be talking with? Any customer feedback from that incident a couple weeks ago? Did people like the foobar feature I added? I see &quot;frobnix the glorlaz&quot; is on the career ladder, how do you suggest I start doing that? What are the major priorities for Q3? What should we work on next?
peterbozso2 months ago
We do it like this at GitLab and it&#x27;s very effective: <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;handbook.gitlab.com&#x2F;handbook&#x2F;leadership&#x2F;1-1&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;handbook.gitlab.com&#x2F;handbook&#x2F;leadership&#x2F;1-1&#x2F;</a>
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poisonborz2 months ago
To any managers here, please avoid and forever forget blank cheque questions like &quot;how are you&quot;. Makes the mood instantly superficial.
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kxrm2 months ago
I choose to drive the agenda, so bring one to the meeting. I also tend to avoid detailed technical discussions or blockers, that is what stand-up is for.<p>Areas of topics I focus on:<p>* Opportunity for Personal Growth<p>* Feedback on complex dynamics within my team or company<p>* Market opportunities for product (if relevant)<p>* Overall Engineering strategy<p>After my agenda is complete, then the manager can bring up items they feel are noteworthy. I generally leave half of our one-on-one open for them to drive a bit.
balls1872 months ago
Back in the day when I was on the receiving end of a 1:1, I had an agenda, and I would send it to my manager prior.<p>I asked for feedback, and when I would hear a basic response like &quot;keep doing what you&#x27;re doing&quot; I would shoot back and ask if that means I will receive a 5 on my annual performance review.<p>Bring up things like performance reviews, comp adjustments, promotions, etc.<p>But, caveat, there are a lot of really mediocre managers. If you put in work to make your 1:1&#x27;s more effective, and they&#x27;re not having the intended effect, it&#x27;s a them-problem, and it&#x27;s time to find a better team to join.<p>As a manager, I hate using 1:1&#x27;s for status reports.
reactordev2 months ago
Ask questions. Questions you have about the business, about future work, about your future. Ask for mentorship, ask for things.<p>1:1’s are both ways. As a manager, I’m giving you the unfiltered truth and access to ask anything you wish. I also will be candid about observations I see (or perceive) to help you improve. Or I’ll forward praise I heard someone give you.<p>These aren’t meant to be performance reviews. They’re meant to be relationship builders. For the betterment of the team and yourself.<p>Next time, come prepared.
jasonthorsness2 months ago
There are multiple kinds of 1:1s (career, project&#x2F;work coaching, etc.). It&#x27;s worth understanding what your manager thinks they are about and suggesting to your manager what you think a given meeting should be about. Personally, I find the overly structured approach too formal and it&#x27;s more effective to limit the agenda to a short list of important topics but listed&#x2F;agreed upon ahead of time (many people, both managers and not, are not comfortable diving into topics &quot;on the spot&quot; without some time to think to themselves about it first). One thing that should always be covered is whether there&#x27;s anything your manager could do to facilitate your work. It&#x27;s in both of your interests to make you as efficient as possible.
jameson2 months ago
I ask about any insights into what&#x27;s happening between managers and upper management, and if there&#x27;s anything I can help.<p>I stopped expecting meaningful career growth at a company. It&#x27;s easier to grow by jumping ship, plus it widens your perspective.<p>When I was a bit more junior, I asked if I&#x27;m performing at your expectation and what I should be doing if not. If there was a suggestion, it was a typical generic statements that didn&#x27;t add much value.<p>Whether a manager &quot;cares&quot; about their reports or the company is going to matter a lot. I find most people don&#x27;t care much. I had this one manager who cared both. We built the entire platform ecosystem company relies on, and I still chat with him every once in a while :)
asdffdasy2 months ago
ignore all the managers reciting gospel &quot;1:1 are for you not for me&quot; here and keep only one thing in mind:<p>1:1 are a place to ask for a raise and let your manager tell you why you are not getting one.<p>And I mean raise, not promotion. That&#x27;s a misdirection and more work. Your goal is raise, until you are capped, then promotion, and back to raise.
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shansense2 months ago
I&#x27;ve been an individual contributor and a manager as well. here&#x27;s my simple guide to make the most of 1:1<p>1. Talk about getting a promotion (even if you don&#x27;t want one) - this will help you get better regardless 2. Talk about &#x27;taking over&#x27; some of your manager&#x27;s work - perhaps temporarily while he&#x2F;she is on vacation. (This indicates leadership) 3. Talk about doing something that makes you a &#x27;world class X&#x27; (well at least you need to become the best at X in your company. If your manager can&#x27;t help you get there at least he&#x2F;she should reduce obstacles) 4. Talk about how you can be less of a burden for the manager (from the manager perspective, the best reportee is the one you do not need to manage)
arealaccount2 months ago
As a (probably horrible) manager I leave the 1:1 context to the report.<p>Some people Im going over technical things, some people are gripe-ing over external depts, some people we just grab a beer and chat.<p>I try to push the conversation towards business growth topics but not very hard.<p>So to answer the question I think frame the meeting to your own goals.<p>Genuinely curious about how not great my process is
486sx332 months ago
We follow traction and use software called bloom growth. The 1:1 meetings with my employees are accessible to both of us and items can be put it at any time. We define long term goals and short term objectives and issues and work on them.<p>Some of my employees prefer a phone call and we just chat. Others like the structure. I spend 4 hours a week doing 8 x 30 min 1:1s<p>I’ve come to embrace that it doesn’t look the same for each person.<p>To answer your question directly, take some time and figure out for yourself, what are your work goals, what are your personal goals, what problems do you encounter at work that affect you that you feel could be solved. Bring out of the box ideas… unless you’re facing disciplinary action, the 1:1 is for you and your personal growth.
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nextts2 months ago
Good question. I have been in the same boat.<p>In my current role they have a system so we just base it off that. There are goals and level (i.e. job titles) rubrics.<p>You could ask if aligned goals could be set and then discuss how they are going.<p>Goals should be able to change in an agile org.<p>They should align to the company but also align to your growth and outcomes that can be used to promote you or get you a bonus.<p>If the companies doesn&#x27;t have this set up it might be worth asking for it for you as a &quot;snowflake&quot;.<p>Believe me (bitter experience!) if you look for another job having impact stories (this will generate) will help you get hired at a higher level.<p>Goals and accomplishments isn&#x27;t all the 1-1 is. I see another comment about gitlab which seems worh a read!
dsaravel2 months ago
I am a new manager (around 5 years of non-continual experience).<p>I stole this format from Mike Crittenden [1] and made some modifications to it. It has worked wonders for me and my team.<p>It helps us to create our Brag Document [2], introduced by Julia Evans, together.<p>1 - <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;critter.blog&#x2F;2022&#x2F;03&#x2F;25&#x2F;my-new-and-improved-1-1-format&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;critter.blog&#x2F;2022&#x2F;03&#x2F;25&#x2F;my-new-and-improved-1-1-form...</a><p>2 - <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;jvns.ca&#x2F;blog&#x2F;brag-documents&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;jvns.ca&#x2F;blog&#x2F;brag-documents&#x2F;</a>
exe342 months ago
I&#x27;m in R&amp;D, not software engineering. I bring an agenda, even if it&#x27;s thrown together at the last minute: a list of things I&#x27;ve worked on and the progress on each, and I highlight things that I&#x27;m either quite pleased with or things that I think aren&#x27;t going too well. Sometimes I spitball through any upcoming task where I&#x27;m either not too sure what I&#x27;m doing yet, or if I think they might be able to offer some guidance&#x2F;suggestions.
foxbarrington2 months ago
Use this to learn more about what is going on at the company and how you can provide more value in exchange for what you want.<p>Want more money? Use this to figure out what the company and manager would want in exchange so you can work towards it.<p>Want more visibility for promotions? Use it to figure out the highest visibility projects and get assigned to those<p>Want to work on newer&#x2F;different technologies? Use it to figure out where those could best fit in or get reassigned if they are already in use.
rognjen2 months ago
My goto was basically: &quot;I want to do &lt;x&gt;. What do you think?&quot; (but a bit more diplomatically phrased)<p>Some examples:<p>- Change the way standups are done - Do something not directly related to the team - Do debt - Change &#x2F; take over the way a project is being done<p>In general it worked well because either I had a good idea in which case I&#x27;d often get the agency to do it, or perhaps not directly but a path towards it or it wasn&#x27;t and I learnt something.
tasubotadas2 months ago
It&#x27;s on your manager to make them good, not you. I don&#x27;t think you will be able to change your manager.<p>On what&#x27;s a good 1on1 I wrote this <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.paceflow.io&#x2F;guides&#x2F;topics&#x2F;one-on-ones" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.paceflow.io&#x2F;guides&#x2F;topics&#x2F;one-on-ones</a><p>Though it will be probably different from what you are going to see in big tech and their smaller copycats where they make 1on1 a glorified status update.
chasd002 months ago
from the manager side, what i like to do is find out where the person wants to go in the company and do some introductions and coach them how to get there (this process can take years, it&#x27;s not a quick thing). I use the phrase &quot;i hate to see you go but love to watch you leave&quot; a lot. I feels really good to watch someone you mentor blossom even if it means they leave your team.<p>If the person in the 1:1 just wants to turn the crank and go home then it&#x27;s pretty pointless. At the least come with a bullet list of corp. questions that need answers and if you don&#x27;t have any then cancel the 1:1.
alexwasserman2 months ago
I’m a manager, and have been for a while (although I also have 1-1s). Personally, I think project updates belong in stand-up, sprint planning, tickets, etc. Anywhere except 1-1s.<p>If you want a really simple framework just focus on the previous week and highlight what went well (ie. that needs repeating), what went badly and needs fixing (or coaching, etc), what needs changing (could be a combo of both above).<p>Every 3-6 months I try to have a more strategic conversation about career paths and making sure annual goals are on track. Effectively reviewing progress against them and making sure the person is on track for success, adjusting as necessary. Similarly, asking about what projects they want to do next, where do they think we should dedicate effort and focus, etc. If they had the resources what would they do? This can be a great way to learn about how they approach problems, and to uncover issues in process and tooling. I want everyone on the team bought in to feeling like they can make a difference, and it’s really helped my teams develop great tools.<p>Other good questions I like to ask periodically are around what’s frustrating, what could we improve as a team, etc. I want their input to improve the life of everyone.<p>I always try to ask for feedback and how I can improve, or what roadblocks I can remove for people.<p>Sometimes we just chat - teams work well together when they understand each other. I like to know what’s important to people, and what isn’t. What stresses them, and what helps them flow. Sometimes those things just come from less structured conversation.<p>I’ve found having a shared doc to jot down notes in the week really helps. A google doc, OneDrive doc, whatever. Just something that’s open and can throw in some bullets to talk about. Particularly when blocked on something, or I need to ask a question about how to strategically approach a problem, I’ll throw it in the doc. Then before the 1-1 I reread it to prep my thoughts. It’s worked really well for me with my managers, and with my reports.<p>Ask what they’re focused on and how you can support that. Ask about what their manager cares about and how you can support the larger department or org. Ask what they’re worried about. Ask what makes them happy.<p>The most value I’ve had from 1-1s has often been just getting to know people, and demonstrating empathy, compassion, and engagement. This is why I really hate the project based 1-1s - they end up being very transactional, and very 1-sided; just a list of “I did this ticket” type things. For people who are used to it, it can take a while to break out of the cycle.
rohithgilla2 months ago
This is something we follow and it works well!<p>### *Agenda*<p>- Highlight of the week - Work: - Personal: - Updates + Questions - Issues? - Topics - Top Tasks - Feedback
eddiequinn2 months ago
TL;DR I compile a document between each 121 containing:<p>- current goals (including 5 year goals, 1 year goals, short term goals) - significant actions since last 121 - skills matrix score increases and justification for him&#x2F;her to approve - projects I&#x27;m doing&#x2F;ideas - tasks that me and him&#x2F;her need to do between now and the next 121 - questions and concerns<p>Documents have ranged from 14 pages down to 4 - Typically when I have a bad manager the documents tend to be longer.<p>This came about because in my previous role I found I would go into 121&#x27;s saying &quot;yes, I think I have earned a better score in EntraID&quot; and he would say &quot;I need evidence&quot;. There were also allot of very inconsistent bits of information regarding progression passed. It became very clear I needed to keep track of all of this and essentially game the system, and twist my managers arm. This became so effective three of my co-workers have also began doing this, and to my understanding copies of my 121 prep documents are passed around upper management as a way of saying &quot;yea, this is what happens when you don&#x27;t address issues&quot;.<p>From doing this I have somewhat taken control of my 121&#x27;s and typically lead them rather than let them happen to me. If I am honest it is an incredibly effective measure for self advocation and rapid career progression. I have been considering for some time putting a template onto my GitHub for others to use.
OutOfHere2 months ago
It should help to keep a document of the points to discuss in the meeting. Populate it with points during the week.
bradlys2 months ago
By getting a manager who wants to have effective 1:1’s. The reality is that the effectiveness and quality of a 1:1 has very little to do with your own actions and more to do with who you get assigned.<p>Some managers only want more status updates and find more ways to discredit your work. Others want to genuinely build you up and will even help you get a new job because they truly value their subordinates.<p>I found the best way to have “effective” 1:1s was by getting a new manager. Either switching projects, teams, or companies. Most often it was by switching company. Even then, you’re still a victim of circumstance.<p>Especially in a place like Silicon Valley where the idea of truly investing in an individual is a long gone concept - you’re gonna have a hard time finding that kind of resonance. This is why some people follow their managers everywhere. I will also mention - just because a manager does this for someone else doesn’t mean they will do it for you. There are many reasons for that, of which are completely out of your control.
palidanx2 months ago
As a manager, this is the framework I use<p>1. Staff updates their personal journal by Friday before our 1:1<p>2. Staff takes a one time skill assessment of all the tech dimensions we use on a likert skill so I know what they are strong and weak at (like might be weak in batch processing, containers, etc).<p>3. Staff periodically updates their career journey which has<p>-Start Date<p>-Elapsed Time<p>-What were your expectations in the elapsed time you were here?<p>-Review of skills matrix and what you want improved<p>-Current Role<p>-Desired Next Role<p>-Projects worked on in this year<p>-What skill sets did I learn in this years projects?<p>-Certifications<p>-Next year I want to accomplish<p>-In 5 years I want to accomplish<p>[ these are all the artifacts I use as a reference point ofr myself]<p>-- then during the 1:1 I ask<p>1. &#x27;how are you?&#x27; --&gt; And then I listen to see how their response is. Are they sighing a lot, are they stressed are they bored. I then follow up to make sure everything is okay emotionally or they have issues. I have noticed a lot of employees are not honest in what they say<p>2. I then assess how they are doing in terms of their<p>- project delivery<p>- tech skills<p>- soft skills<p>and get feedback accordingly.<p>Most engineers I have are doing well on projects and tech skills, but often need work on soft skills. I ask them to focus on soft skills by thinking of<p>- communication<p>- writing<p>- reading<p>For those who need help in communication I advise them to attend a Toastmasters class in person. Also I have been advocating for staff to read &#x27;Supercommunicators&#x27; as a way to think about communication as a framework.<p>For soft skills, I believe the way of improving is being well rounded in the humanities, and not just going hard core tech.