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How to Be Good at Dating

58 pointsby jger152 months ago

10 comments

thatswrong02 months ago
&gt; Very roughly the ratios for me were 100 swipes → 1 match → 0.1 dates → 0.05 lays → 0.005 meaningful connections<p>Yeah I think I&#x27;m going to stick to becoming friends with friends of friends and with random new people at places where we generally have shared interests, and then seeing if there&#x27;s any mutual romantic interest after that.<p>This process sounds emotionally draining.
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Morizero2 months ago
&quot;i&#x27;m into tall kinky guys and you seem exactly my type&quot;<p>OP has revealed he has a huge advantage. You can&#x27;t teach being six foot, and in my experience that&#x27;s the number one qualifier for racking up body count.
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ravenstine2 months ago
&gt; I had no idea it was even possible to meet a hot young woman who begs you to spit on her face on the first date.<p>This is quite off-putting. It&#x27;s one thing if that&#x27;s the author&#x27;s particular fetish, but <i>on the first date?</i><p>We all have our kinks, but I&#x27;d be concerned if a girl wanted to be degraded by a stranger. I really hope this isn&#x27;t that common.
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kragen2 months ago
I&#x27;m getting a server error, but the page survives in archive.today: <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;archive.is&#x2F;20250320170908&#x2F;https:&#x2F;&#x2F;fantasticanachronism.com&#x2F;2025&#x2F;03&#x2F;20&#x2F;how-to-be-good-at-dating&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;archive.is&#x2F;20250320170908&#x2F;https:&#x2F;&#x2F;fantasticanachroni...</a>
cardanome2 months ago
&gt; You need to actually commit to the process, which means setting aside at least an hour a day for swiping and chatting on the apps, and consciously optimizing both yourself and your profile to achieve your goals.<p>Yeah, no, I am out.<p>Not because of the work but how incredible harmful it would be for my mental wellbeing if I did that for any extended period of time. The commodification of sex and relationships that these apps promote is probably causing lasting damage.
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_huayra_2 months ago
This advice is thorough, but as the author admits a bit autistic. It approaches a relationship as a specific highly-fixated goal that requires reps &#x2F; practice.<p>In general, I think any guy trying to do this is not going to find what they want.<p>I can only give my own (likely more applicable) advice to other straight men on here (which I suspect is a very high % of the users), but I would ignore much of this advice and do the following:<p>* Live your own life to the fullest. Don&#x27;t even worry about dating &#x2F; the apps. Just do activities you love and develop a passion (or more than one!). The apps are basically designed to mess with your psychology and the yield of your time spent on them is very low unless you are extremely attractive (not me lol!). Start rock climbing and go to a bunch of meetups for it, meet new people, and be the one who asks people (men and women) to meet up for climbing. Copy-paste this onto whatever activity you want (I&#x27;ve done it with skiing, climbing, mountain biking, and sailing). You will eventually meet a partner through these group activities and you won&#x27;t waste any time trying to &quot;date&quot;, and often you&#x27;ll be able to vet your partner in a less intense &quot;setting&quot; than a date. For example, you can talk about what money &quot;means&quot; to each of you while walking to the crag and realize that although she might be attractive, you&#x27;ll probably just fight about money all the time.<p>* As part of a full life, maintain your friendships. You need to be able to lean on your friendships to fulfill specific needs that your partner shouldn&#x27;t need to or be able to do. I talk about code with my coding friends, not a girlfriend. I nerd out about sailing with my crewmates, not a girlfriend. I talk about espresso with a bunch of deep-pocketed coffee nerds on discord, not a girlfriend. Think of spending time with friends in the same way you do the gym: it might be tough to fit in on any single &quot;session&quot;, but if you stop doing it after a while, you&#x27;ll find yourself really behind the 8 ball. If you think you can&#x27;t afford the time, I can almost assure you that the time spent in the company of friends will so vastly reduce your mental rumination &#x2F; anxiety &#x2F; depression you fight when you spend so much time alone that the &quot;friend time&quot; will more than &quot;pay&quot; for itself.<p>* Know what you want, and communicate it clearly. If you&#x27;re looking for something low-key, be clear to your partner. If you are angling to get serious and move in faster, be clear about that. Most of the friction in relationships comes from when each individual is on different pages about the trajectory of where they want things to go.<p>* Talk about money. I see so many couples don&#x27;t do this and perpetually fight over things that come down to &quot;what does money mean to you?&quot;. For example, if your partner gets a tax refund and thinks &quot;oh boy! let me buy a new computer&quot; while you think &quot;give me my interest-free loan back, US government, so I can shove this into an index fund and have greater financial security to tell my employer to kick rocks if things get too terrible&quot;, you&#x27;re gonna have problems reconciling that unless you&#x27;re very explicit.<p>* Table stakes are similar to the article though: stay fit, eat well, avoid mental numbing mechanism and substance abuse
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ofirtwo2 months ago
we need more of these on hacker news
tennisflyiabout 2 months ago
So some top level thoughts. Yes, women like to have sex. If you’re going to pay the apps just go to Seeking and turn that 5&#x2F;6 conversations going no where to 5&#x2F;6 mets in a hotel a day later. Mention “CNC” in your profile and you’ll get passed on until Kingdom come. Also, talk is cheap from those screenshots
puppycodes2 months ago
Until she finds your blog...
malcolmgreaves2 months ago
This is sad, weird, and very off topic for HN.<p>Guidelines: &gt; anything that gratifies one&#x27;s intellectual curiosity<p>I fail to see how this even remotely reaches that rather loosely defined bar.