Losing someone close is really hard. I am not good at eulogies, but I lost my grandfather to cancer earlier this year and for some reason I wasn't able to function at all for the coming few weeks. I grew up in a joint family and he was a constant positive presence in my life growing up; but after moving away for school/college, I hadn't had much real-life interaction with him except for phone calls/holidays. As a recent college graduate, who was a few weeks into a new entry level job, I had to take a break because this was the single most depressing period in my life. I had never experienced death of a close relative or friend before this, and for some reason I never thought death could be that painful. I had imagining it akin to a really bad breakup, but it was much uglier and painful.<p>I think the single worst thing is coming to the realization that they are just gone. I can never again hug him, hear his him laughing, talk to him about the n number of awesome shared experiences, or just enjoy another moment with him.<p>I still haven't fully dealt with this as I am not sure there is a protocol for dealing with such events except picking yourself up and keeping your mind engaged other stuff till you don't feel that much grief. I guess another approach is to push grief into the background and celebrate the life lived. Good luck to the OP dealing with this loss.
Quick tips:<p>-
You should choose when and where to talk about her and her death. See, people who know you will want to know how you are doing and how it all happened, or why you are not yourself lately. Or you hear from someone who doesn't know about your sister who says, "What's up with you these days". You'll feel like you have to tell them, including how you are doing with it. But you don't have to tell them. "I don't want to talk about that" is a perfectly good response. Pick and choose when to talk about it or you are allowing anyone you interact with the power to send you into a tailspin.<p>-
People will want to show empathy with you by telling you about the time they went through what they think was something similar. And yes, when the loss is similar, it can be a source of much increased mutual understanding and friendship with him/her. But usually it's more like, 'My grandmother died at age 87 so I know what you are feeling'. As you know, they do not (usually). They are just inexperienced in life. They mean well though. Again, I'd recommend "I don't want to talk about it". Feel free to interrupt early in their story.
I've always wished I had had a sister. Most times I picture her younger, but Brian makes me reconsider. I wish I had had a sister like Brian's, and my best wishes go to him and family, this was a powerful piece and like a good movie it made me feel a part of it. Laura is exactly the name I have always wanted for my first daughter. I wonder if she'll cry on my shoulder when boys break her heart.<p>Relevant song[1], from the Flaming Lips' The Soft Bulletin album cited exactly here on HN on a previous thread for an article regarding the loss of a father. Coincidentally it was at the time my dad had a motorcycle accident of which he's still recovering. The feeling of being close to loss was real, and this song, and album, is now loaded with feeling for me.<p>[1] <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzU6vinZwhc" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzU6vinZwhc</a>
first of all: i am so so so so sorry for you!!!<p>i have a older sister, and i guess i love her more then my parents, it would be the worth if she was gone. we are separated by five years, and we both in totally different things, but there is this connection between brothers and sisters which are stronger then everything else.<p>but there is a bad part about my comment, and that was more the intention i make this comment, and i already know i will get a lot of down votes, but: what the fuck has this do to on "HACKER NEWS"? it's not against you personally, but in the last weeks a lot of personal storys filling this page more and more, and i do not like this trend. i'm very ver sorry for this part of my comment! but it is bothering me since weeks.<p>but in the end i want to say again: i'm sorry for you i have a kind of an idea what it feels like, after my grandma past away 3 years ago.
You might find the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius to be helpful in dealing with the grief and pain of dying, or at least confronting it. They Hays translation is worth reading: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Translation-Modern-Library-ebook/dp/B000FC1JAI" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Translation-Modern-Library...</a><p>Good luck.
I was the youngest in my family and my older sister (2 years older) died suddenly when I was 16. Thanks for sharing this.<p>I still imagine that I'll bump into her one day, as if she never died and she had just gone off to college and gone on an adventure. It sucks, but talking about it, at least for me, does help.