When I started with programming, everything was interesting and it promised to be a never ending challenge. Solving puzzles and fitting different pieces into place to create new things is awesome, but this part of work faded with time.<p>Instead, it turned out to be mostly connecting pieces that don't fit correctly and covering it up. It's not that it wouldn't be possible to do better, but I can't think of a way doing it without loosing too much time and therefore money. Also, the feedback loop of implementing and debugging seems to have a negative conditioning effect suggesting me a rather negative outcome of situations in general.<p>To overcome struggles like these I observed many programmers, myself included, obsessing with improving their programming tools and skills. Searching for and thinking of paradigms, techniques, languages, frameworks etc. that could improve the work started to become an important part of my day and from my observations, others too. This may have improved my programming skills and work quality, but it did not make me enjoy the work more.<p>With time I started to hate computers. Not because they don't improve my life in some aspects, but because I'm one of those that make them work. Even if its not my own software or computer, I cant help but try to figure out whats wrong with them because my work trained me to search for the problem.<p>That said, I'd love to do something different, but I struggle to find something else that fits me.<p>PS: I could go on writing about this, but I feel tl;dr is around the corner.<p>PPS: More than trying to solve my personal problems I was searching for like-minded people
You certainly aren't alone. I thought the Internet would usher in a new era of enlightenment and put an end to many of man's problems. I'm less optimistic these days, and to be frank what I do is build some pretty dull websites. That's not that inspiring. You can still find ways to take pride in putting lipstick on a pig though.<p>For me I'm frustrated because I find it harder now to work, and yet I'm more skilled. When I was a crappy programmer (and by no means I am that good now) in some ways I was better. Perhaps because it's easier to see your target when you know less. Ignorance is bliss and all that. The more you know, the more choices perhaps are there to be made - and that can lead to paralysis.<p>I ended up with RSI that pretty much spelt an end to using a computer for at least 12 months. I've tried to battle on through it. But at that moment I had a similar worry: what am I going to do?<p>I can't hate computers, as much as I can't hate TV or man. I loathe the time I loose when sitting beside a computer, I've lost many days. And just end up loathing myself. I'm also a perfectionist which doesn't help. Especially with programming, as there is no perfect way of writing a program. And there isn't that much of a tangible outcome with programming (but I guess that also depends on what you are writing) For example if I were to contribute towards say some software on the mars rover, or a life support machine - I might get an immense reward in what I'm doing compared to writing yet another load of CRUD.<p>I love it when I see simplicity, or apparant simplicity. Something like when your computer just works, compared to wasting hours troubleshooting when all you want to do is print out something. That's the frustration I have with programming - it seems like you do so much for so little.<p>One day in the garden and I make noticible change. One day on the computer, and the house is still a mess, shelves need putting up and the washing up still needs to be done. It's no wonder why we get frustrated.<p>Having said that, I don't know what your work is. But for me, most websites could be replaced with a one sized fits all solution. Think of all that time saved.<p>If all the precious hours programmers labored instead were spent putting the world to rights - we'd have a far better world! Lots of talent in my mind is being wasted. But perhaps people are just happy being occupied.
You're right that the tools will not help you enjoy programming more. If you really feel that you'd still like to do programming because it's possible that you can enjoy it, it could be that you are always trying to recreate that initial experience when you started.<p>It's like the beginning of a relationship. At the beginning everything is hot and steamy but then it levels off to an equilibrium. If you keep wanting a long term relationship to be the same as it was at the beginning, well, that's an unrealistic expectation. And unrealistic expectations just lead to disappointment. It's the same with programming. It's just not going to be the same as it was at the beginning. Some people overcome this by jumping from relationship to relationship (project to project) but at some point that may not fulfill you either and you want to invest in a long-term relationship but don't know where to go.<p>I've put together a course that helps address this issue for programmers and gets us thinking about our work from the inside rather than from the outside as I have dealt with the same issues. It's at <a href="https://www.programmingspiritually.com" rel="nofollow">https://www.programmingspiritually.com</a><p>I'm going to change the model so that it's freemium (do it for free and if you got value then pay at the end). But I don't have time till next week. If you're interested, send me an email and I'll let you know when it's available.
Well, I am not like-minded and I will try to advise on solving your problems, if I may.<p>I would suggest you two things: embrace imperfection and try, if it is not possible to completely change what you do, at least change the rewards you get from what you are doing.<p>I have something in mind here, become a startup founder. You will not be connecting pieces that don't fit, but creating something from scratch, the way you want. You will decide where to focus on perfect solutions, but also deciding where you wouldn't bother to have a imperfect fit covered up. Having an interest in the final outcome, in terms of business, not code.<p>This is the other part that may help you. If you are developing for your business, your goal is about the consequences of the system you are building, not the system itself. I don't know how serious is your aversion to working with computers right now, but maybe just a change of approach to them help you.<p>And you would have a LOT of work that is not related to computers, you would have to do all those "things that don't scale" and this would provide a lot of different challenges for you.<p>Good luck!
I went through the same emotions as you. I still can't stop ranting "stupid programmers" whenever some program provides a bad UX. And I re-factor as a form of procrastination.<p>But let me digress. Programming is like carpentry. Being a master of your tools is important. Better tools are often the answer, e.g. a nail gun is usually faster and more accurate than a hammer and a bag of nails. But the important thing is what problem are you solving and what are you building to solve that problem. There is a difference between building a kennel for your dog or a house to live in, etc. The skill-set is pretty much the same, but the needs and solution are different.<p>Solving puzzles is part of the learning process. Building solutions to <i>real</i> problems is when you go pro. Some people will suggest scratching your itch. I would suggest look for <i>hair on fire</i> problems. You will find more than enough challenges and sense of accomplishment when you have solved one and ready to move onto the next.
I think what happens is when we become the 'experts' of our domains, we tend to get bored of our profession. After graduating with computer science along with my friends, we really were excited about technology. But after many years, I saw most of my friends get bored with the field, only to see it as a way of paying bills.<p>I think a part of the problem is working in an interesting domain. For example, a friend who works in a financial domain never really sees the big picture, but works on a quality of service algorithm to speed up a trade.<p>Perhaps getting bored is a calling to see what we really love in life.
I find that computers (and programming) are best viewed as means to an end than as the end all be-all. The real point should be building something. It could be a novel or a table or a web app and it can be made of software or wood or musical notes or whatever. It is the building of things that's the important thing for me. I find that software is a pretty good way to build things due to its inherant low barrier to entry and ease of distribution. But it is by means the only way hackers can hack. Try building other things, or even just other software things.<p>tl;dr:
Try to build other stuff.
Mark Twain knew the feeling: "Two ways of looking at a river" <a href="http://grammar.about.com/od/60essays/a/twowaysessay.htm" rel="nofollow">http://grammar.about.com/od/60essays/a/twowaysessay.htm</a> Didn't offer a solution though.
Perhaps programming alone can't give you 100% happiness. How about looking at other areas of your life such as improving your relationship/social life, or learning other new skills?
Every single person is looking for happiness in life. It's part of who we are. I used to look for it in many things, including programming. But there's only one Way to happiness. Just seek the Truth diligently and you'll find it.